How best to settle in DD

[EnglishRain]

I was hoping some of you might have suggestions on how I am best to settle DD into nursery. She is 9 months and I go back to work around August time. She will need to go to nursery for three full days providing work agree my hours.

My main, and probably pfb, concerns are:

1. nursery will be new for her
2. she is a lockdown baby so it could be more overwhelming for her than if she had been able to get out a bit more
3. settle in sessions are limited due to covid
4. I don't want to be panicking about her settling in as I go back to work

It seems sensible to get her going to nursery before I go back, even if it's for half days or similar. Does anyone have suggestions of how to stagger her going, or am I better to get her in for the full three days when she does start?

I will also miss her terribly if I am still not back at work so I'd rather build it up but not if it's going to make it harder for her to settle in...

In fact I should have said I will feel serious mum guilt if I send her for three full days before I'm back at work, pretty sure I will miss her terribly regardless of whether I'm working or not!

What have the nursery said?

With DD (not a lockdown baby though) I did 1 hour as she had never been left before, then 3 sessions of 3 hours over 2 weeks and then she started for 2 days a week a week later.

No need for mum guilt, dads don’t feel it!

With Dd I was offered a new job and wanted it so she was in 3 full days after 2 sessions. I found it worked pretty well actually. Kids are extremely adaptable.

Be prepared for tears! The absolute best thing you can do is be bright and smiley - “ok Dd have a lovely day! Mummy will pick you up later!” And go. If you’re upset it will be so much worse. Have a cry if needs be when you’re completely out of sight.

Has she ever been left with family or someone familiar before? That would be a good way to start for both of you if settling sessions are limited.

When I worked in a nursery I found that babies who only did half days or one day a week took longer to settle as it was too long between sessions for them to remember. With three consecutive days she'll probably settle fairly quickly.

Agree with PP be cheerful when you drop her off and leave quickly so you don't get upset and baby doesn't associate you being there. I also found lots of babies would be fine all day at nursery and love it but then burst into tears when they saw a parent at collection time, it's almost as if they didn't realise parent was gone until they came back and then got overwhelmed and tired.

I agree weekly sessions won't be useful. A friend of mine tried that and as pp said it was too long a gap between sessions and it didn't help her settle really. I would do 3x days a week but building up from short sessions to half days then full days if you want to gradually increase.

If it helps, I had the absolute worse case scenario when my DD started at nursery. She started in May last year when they had just reopened, she'd not even seen anyone but me and dp for 2 months, I wasn't allowed over the doorstep, I just had to leave her and go, and she had to do full days pretty much from day 1 as I'd already exhausted my employers goodwill in caring for her whilst "working" at home for the few weeks before. I was beside myself with guilt but she was absolutely fine, settled quickly and loves it there!

If it helps at all, my lockdown baby (born right at the beginning of lockdown #1, hardly ever met another human) started his settling period at nursery last week and seems to be bossing it so far!

I was swayed in my choice of nursery partly by their settling process, so you may want to find out what that looks like for different settings you're considering (if you have more than one option). It does seem to vary quite a bit at the moment.

Thanks all! Reassuring that some of you have recently settled your baby's in and they haven't taken to it so well.

The policy for nursery says they work with parents to establish the best way to settle in, also that parents are encouraged to stay for entire sessions until they are happy etc. But then at the bottom it says covid has impacted this, currently one adult can meet with another outdoors with the child. No parents are allowed inside. I asked if they know of any changes to the above given the roadmap and they said things may change soon.

A friend was with DD at home for five hours as we had to go to a funeral and she was fine thankfully but obviously that was at home.

What I'm trying to do is figure out what I think will be good for DD in terms of settling and then discuss with nursery.

*have taken to it so well

My little boy started at 9 months just before Covid, then nursery stopped for a couple of months so he went back as a 1 year old.
It is horrible if you know that they are upset but nursery workers are amazing, your little one will be cuddled and cared for even if they are sad that you aren't there.
My little one cried at drop off and at pick up (before lockdown) but they sent lovely pictures of him enjoying himself in the day. Post lockdown he walked himself in and didn't cry at all.
I found that I had to remind myself of all of the reasons he was going to nursery - financial to provide him with all he needs, to show a good work ethic, for his development etc.
Send something in that smells of you and pictures of you/significant others - apparently he'd smile when he saw pictures of our dogs 😁
Good luck

My ds2 is also 9m and starting nursery in August. Ds1 is already in the nursery 1 day a week, and they'll both go 2 days in August when I'm back at work.

Ds1 was upset at settling in periods but settled into nursery quicker than I expected. I agree with pp about dropping off, smiling and leaving quickly. I would hide in hallway and wait till he stopped crying before i left, it was tough but now he's 2, loves it and runs straight in when he's dropped off. He was always more upset on the first day as he hadn't been for almost a week and on the 2nd day it was more a token cry.

I'm quite worried about ds2 starting however. He is much more attached than ds1 was at this stage. I assume combination of bf and lockdown. He's ok with other people if I'm there too, but cries when i leave room. I hope this changes by the time he's 13m!