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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Have you taken your child out of nursery......?

16 replies

smithfield · 12/11/2007 19:22

...Beacause it doesn't seem to be the right environment for them?

I'm asking beacuse my ds has now been in nursery 2 days a week since jan this year and my concerns are as follows

-they never seem to write anything really significant in his book, all ways seems to say the same thing 'had a lovely day etc'

-They have a tv in the toddler room, as far as Im aware this is used 2x Half hour sessions (but these are my proximations, based on what Ive seen). Normally cbeebies type stuff.

-Biggest thing is my gut says he just isnt thriving in this environment. He always seems so deflated and quiet, on his way in, and on his way out.

-they have mentioned his speech several times and I have had him assessed, he is fine. He seems to do better and show improvement when he is one on one with me. I would think nursery would enhance his speech further, but it feels as though he clams up, and goes backward...

If you ladies would share any experiences you have had I would be very grateful.

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CarGirl · 12/11/2007 19:26

How old is your ds??? I think quiet/palcid children generally do not do well in your average nursery as they tend to get overlooked as they are busy giving the more demanding toddlers the attention.

I know of 3 toddlers taken out of nurseries who have gone on to absolutely thrive and become more confident etc with a childminder. All those toddlers have had quieter natures than average.

Go with your gut instinct it is usually right!

Original poster

smithfield · 12/11/2007 19:36

Thankyou carGirl- he is 2.9, Are these 3 toddlers you know of or friends children? Do you have a Lo in daycare?

He seems more placid with kids he doesnt know and it takes him a while to warm up, but in smaller groups, or with adults he is really chatty and sociable.

OP posts:

StrawberryMartini · 12/11/2007 19:37

Try a childminder. You don't happen to live in Reading do you I have some vacancies... ?

colditz · 12/11/2007 19:38

Although I am a big fan of Telly When There Is Nothing Else To Do, I am NOT a fan of Telly When You Are Paying Someone.

Wouldn't bother me with a childminder, who I feel would be more able to give individual attention.

CarGirl · 12/11/2007 19:43

I have 4 dc they eldest went to a nursery that was actually 3 CM working from one premises - it was fab as it was open 50 weeks of the year, the staff had lunch breaks and they had 2 part time staff who covered for sick and holiday so never agency staff. It had a very different feel to a nursery IYSWIM plus there were only 9 children in total and no school runs to do.

dc2 & 3 went to a childminder 2 days per week who was brilliant and has had outstanding in her last 2 inspections - she just loves working with children and they love her.

The children I know of are looked after by CM I know but I saw what they were like when she first got them and how they changed. The most recent 2 were both pulled from nurseries because the parents felt they weren't getting any individual attention - tbh they were initially so withdrawn I'm sure they were just ignored!

Original poster

smithfield · 12/11/2007 19:56

Hi strawberryMartini- lol no im not in Reading, wish I was as then I would 1) already have another option up my sleeve thanks to you and 2) be back down south where I really belong

colditz- I am of the ame opinion- I am no tv nazi and enjoy having the electronic babysitter at tea time which is also a bit of downtime for ds. But yes not when Im paying for him to have lots of stimulation and interaction.
Do you have your kiddies with CM?

Cargirl- I've always swayed toward nursery vs CM's but I think if I could find a good CM I think you are right...he just loves one on one, intimate environments I think.

Im on Mat leave from end of dec- any suggestions what I should do whilst on mat leave?

OP posts:

CarGirl · 12/11/2007 19:58

go look at CM's get recommendations from other people for CM's also look at pre-schools and see which CM's could do the pre-school run for you.

Basically if you're not happy with the nursery either pull him out altogether or go down to one day or 2 half days if you want to keep up some childcare for when you have the baby.

Fennel · 12/11/2007 20:04

I took dd1 out of her first nursery for your sort of reason. It wasn't a particularly awful nursery but she seemed deflated when left and picked up. She was only a baby but it didn't feel good.

We moved her to a childminder where she seemed happier and then eventually to a really fantastic nursery where she was totally happy, as far as I could tell.

so yes I would consider moving your ds for that sort of reason.

One thing though I noticed with my 3 who all went to nursery is that they all started on 2 days a week and didn't seem totally utterly into it, but when we upped their days to 3 days a week they all seemed to enjoy nursery more. Maybe it's because a lot of children go for 5 days a week, but mine seemed to be more part of things when they went for 3 days rather than 2. I noticed this with all of them.

not that that would help if it is a mediocre nursery though.

Original poster

smithfield · 13/11/2007 10:31

Hi cargirl- thanks I think I will start to do some research on CM's trouble is we are rel new to area so not many people I can ask.
Wish 1 or half days was an option at Nursery but they wont do either as they say its too hard to settle kids??

Fennel-thanks for that-yes I wouldnt say our nursery is a bad one...v convenient as only a stones throw from our house. I guess its the speech thing thats really frustrating me.
Can I ask how old yours were when they went to 3 days?

OP posts:

Fennel · 13/11/2007 11:20

dd1 started at 6 months on 1 day a week, they didn't recommend that as they said they didn't settle well and I think actually they were right about that. She was only there for 3 months at 1 day a week as she didn't seem happy enough. Like you it was round the corner and convenient so we'd wanted it to work. Then she went to childminder for 2 days a week til she was 2 and then the really good nursery for 2 days a week and then at 2.5 she went up to 3 days.

dd2 went to the good nursery for 2 days a week from 6 months and went up to 3 days a week at just over 1 (they went 3 days when DP had to go back to work full time, so it was due to DP's job not particularly age related).

dd3 was 3 days a week from 4 months at the good nursery (which they all loved), then down to 2 days a week in a new nursery when we moved house when she was just 2, then she went up to 3 days a week 6 months later at 2.5.

it sounds complicated, but they all switched from 2-3 days at different ages and each time I noticed they were more settled in the nursery after that. It's as though they were more part of the social group and made firmer friendships.

LuLu15 · 14/11/2007 15:15

It can sometimes be the actual nursery. I put my daughter in a new nursery when we moved house but after 3 weeks I saw a huge difference in her - she had forgotten words to nursery rhymes, was quite frankly bored out of her mind. They too had a tv but more for the girls who worked there me thinks. I took her out after 3 weeks when they let her get sunburnt and she has now been in her current nursery for 6 months and is a different child - she is even learning songs in welsh! The nursery's ethic is the important thing - choose the wrong nursery and you will think they're the wrong option. Look around is my opinion.

Piggy · 14/11/2007 15:19

Would you consider a different nursery? Ds1 (3.0) goes to nursery 4 half days a week and loves it. He is really thriving there - he gets lots of attention and learns a lot. He runs to the front door when we get there and the staff say he is happy and contributes a lot. He always used to be quite shy but I think this particular nursery has been wonderful for him.

mrsgboring · 17/11/2007 22:35

Yes, I took my DS out after 6 sessions and had to find a childminder at very short notice. She put us on a trial period and it seemed okay for 2 weeks, I was relatively happy. Then he had a day when he cried all day and she jacked it in, so at that point so did I and became a SAHM (but work were brilliant and allowed me a five year career break, after which I am due to return).

My DS is the other way to PPs - he's not demanding as such, but quite sensitive and expects a lot from people. Nursery couldn't give him that, and half the time I don't think they were prepared to bother. (They lied to me for example about using DS's nappy cream, which unfortunately was still sealed when I retrieved his belongings at the end of our nursery misadventure)

At the time I was trying nursery, there was quite a lot in the media about studies showing no benefit to nursery for under 3s, which I've since looked into and found quite convincing. Nursery will not enhance a toddler's speech. I would take your DS out like a shot.

Original poster

smithfield · 19/11/2007 14:28

mrsgboring- thanks for sharing your story. My goodness how lucky getting the 5 year career break.

Have to say of the two schools of thought re nursery I probably fall into the one which agrees with those studies which question the real benefit of nursery to under three.

The problem is he will be three in Feb- so will probably need something more- can I ask how old your ds is now? Do you plan interaction with other children yourself through playgroups etc?

OP posts:

mrsgboring · 22/11/2007 13:12

Hi Smithfield. My DS has just turned 2. We go to a toddler / singing group 4 days out of five and have friends round all the time for DS so that's enough interaction for now. He will go to a proper, nursery class type nursery at 3 IF I feel he's ready then (and IF he gets in, otherwise I'm cocky and think I can do nursery education at home by myself)

TBH I'm so lucky in being able to switch to being a SAHM as it suits us better, though I do miss my job a bit sometimes.

I have very detailed memories of childhood which stretch back very early (just before 3 I think) and going by that, I wouldn't worry about excessive amounts of childhood interaction. I loathed nursery school myself. Was taught to read by my mum while I was at nursery, and it's all I wanted to do. Had no time for climbing up and down things and playing with strange children, and, as the saying goes, it never did me any 'arm. Oh and I ADORED school at four and a half and thrived on it.

bossybritches · 23/11/2007 12:18

Can't understand nurseries that resort to telly - IMHO it's lazy childcare.

Plenty of time for it at home (love the TVnazi bit SF!)but if parents are paying for us to care for their children then they should be cared for & played with, stretching them at their own pace to prevent boredom.

loads to do no time for TV here!

(But the boss occasionally has MN open alongside the accounts to prevent total braindeath!!)

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