Nervous about nursery, development and speech delay

PinkCookie11 · 2021-04-09T21:13:25+00:00

Hi, My son has recently been referred to speech and language and peads and he’s behind in some skills. I’ve been advised to get him in a nursery to help him along whilst we wait for his appointments through. It makes me feel ill at the thought 😭 He’s a lovely little boy, very loving and loves people and the odd child we see when on walks. He’s obv had no interaction with other kids giving the past year and I know it’ll help him but I just feel so nervous for him. I don’t know if he’ll be able to sit and do the activities they do, if he’ll sit still on the floor during story time etc. He’s a wild one and constantly on the go. I’m hoping he’ll learn to copy other kids and develop. Anyone else have a child with delays who have been to nursery? How did they cope with the activities?

Amumtomyson · 09/04/2021 22:21

How old is your son? I have similar concerns and definitely don't think lockdown has helped babies and toddlers.

Original poster

PinkCookie11 · 09/04/2021 22:25

Sorry should have added! He’s 2.5!
No it hasn’t, it’s so sad! HV said there’s a lot kids needing help atm 😥
How old is your LO?

OP posts:

Cannotgarden · 09/04/2021 22:27

It's all bout picking a good nursery. I would ask to view a few or if you can't do that then ask to talk to parent about their experiences. My DC nursery is very flexible and there is no formal sitting time..they do stories in a room with all the dress up clothes and of I pick up early half the kids are running around in costumes while the key workers read. It always seems really happy

Cannotgarden · 09/04/2021 22:28

Typos galore due to feeding said DC!

Ohpulltheotherone · 09/04/2021 22:41

I don’t have exact experience OP but what I will say is both my kids go to nursery and there is no expectation that they have to conform to certain behaviour or activities. It’s very very relaxed, if they do story time but one or two want to run around them they just leave them to it!
They are encouraged to develop but as themselves not as a cookie cutter child.
They do lots of different activities, my DC aren’t always interested but they always have toys and books and the garden to enjoy.
As pp has said, look around some local nurseries, I know it’s not easy at the moment bc of covid but call them, talk to the managers, ask questions and try to get a sense for them. You’ll feel so much more confident if you find a nursery that matches what you think your son needs, they will be able to ease some of your worries.

BackforGood · 09/04/2021 22:56

As Ohpulltheotherone said - there is no expectation that they will 'sit' or do any particular activities.
Lots of children are in this position at the moment.
Indeed, lots of children are given that advice before COVID.

Tumbleweed101 · 10/04/2021 08:18

At 2.5 the focus will be on play and exploration and along side this staff will be helping them develop their social skills with others (sharing, turn taking etc) and developing communication skills. Children gradual become more able to ‘sit and focus’ on activities as they turn three so there will be not expectation that he will sit still for a story when he starts. Children do behave differently in a nursery setting as they like to be involved with what others are doing. If there are any SEN issues that prevent this development then the staff are trained to support this.

MustStopSnacking28 · 10/04/2021 08:21

Hello OP I would echo what PP have said that the nursery my DS goes to doesn’t expect them to participate in structured activities unless they want to. I was concerned about DS’s speech for a while and they did mention he had withdrawn a bit from other kids but I think that’s because he missed six months of nursery last year due to my shielding. He has now really grown in confidence and has lots of little friends which I am so happy to hear about at pick up time! I am really glad he goes now as I don’t think he can ever get the same experience at home with me or at my mum’s house (our other childcare). I think if you explain your concerns when you view the nurseries they will really help you if they are a good provider.

Ostryga · 10/04/2021 08:23

If you pick a good nursery that centres around the children’s choices (ie no structured or set times apart from mealtimes) I think you’ll find he will flourish.

DD’s nursery is very flexible - they can play wherever/with whatever they like. Inside, outside, messy play etc. Obviously in covid it has to be within their bubbles.

Dd was a very shy and nervous 2 year old and has come on massively in the 2 years she has been at nursery. I was dreading it, and she did used to cry epic fat tears for about 6 weeks when I dropped her off. But we persisted and it’s been the best thing for her. Dreading the transition to school now!

dopeyduck · 10/04/2021 08:24

Perhaps you could look at outdoor / forest style nurseries that promote learning through exploration etc. They promote 'wildness'. You should pick a nursery that suits your child and your parenting style, view a few, take your time, find something that fits.

In my area toddler groups are opening next week. Could you find some to do together to help build his confidence in a group setting? It would also let you see how he does in a more structured environment and help inform your choices.

candlemasbells · 10/04/2021 08:29

I would look for a preschool, attached to a school if possible. They have shorter days,often higher staffing ratios and often do forest school and a lot of outdoor play.
My son goes to a preschool and the staff are excellent at gradually getting him to play with other children and working on other problem areas with him in small groups. It’s a free flow setting He loves going.

SmednotaSmoo · 10/04/2021 08:35

All of mine have been at nursery from babyhood because of childcare but I’d say that two and a half is the turning point from when they were they because I needed them to be looked after to they were there because they loved it and got something out of it.

I have a 2 and a half year old now and she adores going into nursery, seeing her friends, playing with the toys there. So much so she asks after it at weekends and is sometimes grumpy about the days she doesn’t get to go but I’m spending the day with her.

However at 2.5 rather than a full day nursery, most pre-schools (in using that phrase i’m describing the provision that’s offered usually within a short school day for 3-5 hours, near me we have options in a community centre, a church hall, and a forest school) will take your child. You might find that a better fit.

It’s not easy at any stage, but it is wonderful seeing them make their own connections away from you.

Original poster

PinkCookie11 · 10/04/2021 09:01

Thank you for all your comments, I really appreciate them!

I have afew viewings this week thankfully giving COVID, I’ll be able to go more in depth then of his needs.

I think it’s just mum worry! He needs to be around kids bless him and hopefully it’s the making of him!

Pleased to hear if they don’t want to participate then that’s ok! But my hope is he sees his peers doing it so he’ll join in!

My biggest regret is not getting him in sooner but the prices are ridiculous to be honest and we’ve never had trouble with childcare for work.
He needs it now and it’ll prepare him for school!

I’ve never heard of forest type places before so that’s something I’m going to look into!
Also going to check playgroups!

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Putdownthecake · 10/04/2021 09:23

Hi there, My child is exactly the same and I contacted the hv over my own concerns. Weve always luckily had free family childcare but but lockdowns he's not socialised with our little children. Hes as you describe and lovely. We've just enrolled him in a nursery and it's incredibly child led and let them do as they like.play wise and work on their developmental goals but they do and try get the children to sit at the start of the day. I was told this is for an absolute maximum of 4 seconds! Make sure you check out nurseries as some I really didn't like. My child starts next week so hopefully.itll help him along and I can update. I can guarantee you won't be the only mum with these concerns

OverTheRainbow88 · 10/04/2021 09:27

My 2.3’year old sounds similar; and he loves nursery. They don’t expect him to sit down and focus really, they often say he fluttered between activities. But he does so many things there I wouldn’t ever think to do with his at home, like playing with shaving foam, fishing out objects from slim etc!

Original poster

PinkCookie11 · 10/04/2021 10:55

@Putdownthecake

Hi there, My child is exactly the same and I contacted the hv over my own concerns. Weve always luckily had free family childcare but but lockdowns he's not socialised with our little children. Hes as you describe and lovely. We've just enrolled him in a nursery and it's incredibly child led and let them do as they like.play wise and work on their developmental goals but they do and try get the children to sit at the start of the day. I was told this is for an absolute maximum of 4 seconds! Make sure you check out nurseries as some I really didn't like. My child starts next week so hopefully.itll help him along and I can update. I can guarantee you won't be the only mum with these concerns

How many hours is he going to be doing? Pleased to hear they don’t expect them sit, I literally thought they had to sit down and do activities so shows how much I actually know 😂 pleased they get a free rain so to speak and play around! I hope he settles well, would you let me know how he gets on please?

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Putdownthecake · 10/04/2021 11:12

Yes of course. Sorry I read my message back and there were so many typos. Hopefully it made sense. I've chosen a very flexible nursery but he's booked 8-1, two days a week but I would imagine he'll probably arrive closer to 9. I found nursery tours invaluable. I didn't realise just how different they could be. I shared all my concerns with nursery staff on his pre join meeting and I just feel so much trust in them and IF he needs help, it'll help speed that process along (so I'm told). It might just be he's slower because of growing up in lockdown with no other little kids. He has his first little session by himself on Monday so fingers crossed. Thank you! Good luck on your hunt for a nursery but please don't worry. From speaking to nursery staff it's very common at the moment with children being 'behind'. I was in your shoes a few weeks ago and just felt like I'd somehow failed my child as compared to his peers, he seems very different with his skills and speaking but we haven't!

At our nursery, I was told they're all encouraged to line up when they first go in and they soon copy others, to sit no more than 4 seconds and at lunch they're all encouraged to sit up mini tables but the rest is directed by what the child wants to do.

ReassureMee · 10/04/2021 11:16

I work in a nursery, lots of nurseries are bringing in a very free flow routine with planning in the moment. It’s all about the children’s choices and what they want to do. They aren’t expected to do activities they don’t want to do or sit for half an hour straight etc.

Ask the nurseries what their approaches are around planning and activities. Our nursery is very much children’s choice and free play with adult interactions where needed to support their learning goals and expand their experiences.
Your son will love it. Choose a nursery that feels good to you.

Amumtomyson · 10/04/2021 11:27

My son is 18 months...not seen other children, not been to any groups. He is very timid, delayed in walking and a few other bits. I'm worried and no one to ask. My HV has been off sick. With PND too this last year has been a nightmare and I fear for my son.

Original poster

PinkCookie11 · 10/04/2021 12:12

@Amumtomyson

My son is 18 months...not seen other children, not been to any groups. He is very timid, delayed in walking and a few other bits. I'm worried and no one to ask. My HV has been off sick. With PND too this last year has been a nightmare and I fear for my son.

Honestly it’s very common at the minute, the poor souls haven’t been giving the chance to interact this year and it’s showed a lot esp with my son, and I’ve been told by HV a lot of younger kids are in the same situation. Do you have the number for your local children’s centre to get in touch with another HV? I would ring them and tell them how you are feeling and ask for someone to come out to check in on you. Someone should be looking after their case load if their on long term sick.

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkCookie11 · 10/04/2021 12:14

@Putdownthecake

Yes of course. Sorry I read my message back and there were so many typos. Hopefully it made sense. I've chosen a very flexible nursery but he's booked 8-1, two days a week but I would imagine he'll probably arrive closer to 9. I found nursery tours invaluable. I didn't realise just how different they could be. I shared all my concerns with nursery staff on his pre join meeting and I just feel so much trust in them and IF he needs help, it'll help speed that process along (so I'm told). It might just be he's slower because of growing up in lockdown with no other little kids. He has his first little session by himself on Monday so fingers crossed. Thank you! Good luck on your hunt for a nursery but please don't worry. From speaking to nursery staff it's very common at the moment with children being 'behind'. I was in your shoes a few weeks ago and just felt like I'd somehow failed my child as compared to his peers, he seems very different with his skills and speaking but we haven't!

At our nursery, I was told they're all encouraged to line up when they first go in and they soon copy others, to sit no more than 4 seconds and at lunch they're all encouraged to sit up mini tables but the rest is directed by what the child wants to do.

Honestly thank you so much, you have made me feel a lot better! I feel a lot more prepared on what to ask etc. Look forward to hearing how his first day was 💙

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simonisnotme · 10/04/2021 17:10

I dont know what the criteria is but you may qualify for the 2yr old funding which will pay for 15hrs, its worth asking about

BackforGood · 10/04/2021 17:41

I would look for a preschool, attached to a school if possible. They have shorter days,often higher staffing ratios and often do forest school and a lot of outdoor play.

You've generalised quite a lot in this post.
Firstly the names 'pre-school' 'Nursery' Nursery school' 'daycare' 'kindergarton' etc are all interchangeable. Anyone setting up a provision can call it what they want so don't think that one particular name describes one particular type of provision.
Secondly, the staffing ratios are the same for all provision UNLESS they have a teacher in charge. So some LA maintained 'stand alone' Nursery schools have a teacher in charge and some Nursery classes in Primary schools have teachers in charge (not usually in Private schools). Exceptionally there are some independent / Privately owned nurseries with Teachers in charge. Occasionally (not usually in my LA) some Nurseries in CCs have a teacher in charge.
In PVIs (Private, Voluntary and Independent) settings, the ratio for U2s is 1:3 for U3s is 1:4 and for 3 and 4 yr old is 1:8 . However, if there is a teacher in overall charge, the ratio drops considerably to 1:13 (so, for a 39 place pre-school room they would have 3 adults, whereas 39 dc in a PVI would have 5 adults).

Forest school and outdoor play entirely depends on the facilities available and the will of the Managers / owners. There are settings on school sites that don't have those facilities and others that do. There are PVIs without those facilities and many that do. Indeed, I know of one PVI that is entirely outside. I can think of one in a school classroom that get out very little as they have to be timetabled for time in the playground with the rest of the children in the school.

OP - I don't know how many options you have, but all Nurseries are different. Go and get a 'feel' as much as you can in these strange times. However, all should follow the EYFS (Early Years Foundation Stage) curriculum which involves following the child's interests rather than making them sit and do

Original poster

PinkCookie11 · 10/04/2021 18:59

@simonisnotme

I dont know what the criteria is but you may qualify for the 2yr old funding which will pay for 15hrs, its worth asking about

I just done this today! Fingers crossed he can get some funding! Thank you!

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Putdownthecake · 25/04/2021 19:34

Thought I'd update you.. nursery has gone horrendous. My poor little lad is a shell of his former self. He won't even go to his nans anymore, he used to run in, now he screams. Nursery told me he's been very upset for the first hour but then settled but I don't think so. He's not been sleeping well or eating great. It's such a huge change for him but I'm very tempted to pull him out already!! Even car journeys he's now upset thinking we are going nursery.

Not the positive update I was expecting to post