Am I overreacting!

[LForster2015]

My 2 year old son started full time nursery in Feb, he's been attending 2 half days since last October so he's settled there. They know him but I'm finding nearly everyday something I have to keep reminding them. He isn't confident in drinking from a normal cup, I've asked them to please still offer a sippy cup and also help him with a normal cup as I will at home. He is also a fussy eater so I've said it's really important I know what he's eating chia the app, which is constantly not being updated, so I have no idea what he's eaten all day, slept ect and they don't say anything when collected. He constantly comes home starving, even on days they say he's eaten all meals ect, he asks immediately for water and then drinks in most occasions 2 beakers of water which he doesn't do normally only when going to nursery. I've spoken to them several times about the water and they say they'll offer him a beaker every 40 mins and help him with a normal cup but it doesn't appear as it's fine for a week and then it seems to change again, have to remind and then it repeats. He is trying to drink as most days has a change of clothes as they are soaking so he's probably spilling constantly. I'm having to keep asking why the app isn't updated and about the water, it just seems I have to keep saying something, it improves and then slips. My concern is my son isn't getting enough water every day. Also when they do update the app, I have no idea of what the actual food amount is, what would 'some' mean, is there a standard portion size for nursery?

If you’re not happy with their care then move him. Why not try a nanny or child minder as it seems you need more one to one care and updates, so a nursery setting is potentially not for you,

Our nursery split food into none, some, most and and all. So I guess that less than half is some and more is most. How else could they tell you? They can't show photos of each meal.

Does your son have any additional needs? I think you’re overreacting a bit re:food, our nursery will also list the food and say some, all or none, presumably because they don’t have time to go round each child and list “Belinda ate 3 peas, a bite of sausage and 60g of potatoes”.

I understand being a little bit concerned about the water but it might be that it’s available and he’s having too much fun playing to really bother about drinking. DD drinks fine but is always thirsty when she gets home from nursery, presumably from all the running around.

Where is the sippy cup kept? If it’s somewhere accessible then it seems a bit unreasonable to ask the staff to chase him with it every 40 mins.

Honestly- nursery workers don't have time to have that much one to one with your child. Can he not take a water bottle? Then he can drink easier and independently. They cannot give you exact amounts per meal and update the app every single session. A child minder may be better for you as they are able to accommodate more one to one. But you are expecting too much from a nursery.

Also you don't know he's not drinking? Mine is thirsty after nursery as they are running about all day! They can't exactly give you a breakdown in ml of what he's drank - following him specifically every 40 mins with a drink is way ott. If he has access to his drink he can have it as and when he wants it

I'm not expecting them to tell me exactly how much he's drinking but I'm not sure if he is, he comes hone and drinks 2 large beakers, this isn't normal of him even after running around ect, this is within an hour of being home. I don't expect pics of food but most often they don't even update the app which documents food, nappy changes and sleep- most days it's blank or missing.... like yesterday the only thing logged lunch starter some. That's it, I was trying to get an understanding as there is no consistency. I'm not new to childcare - my daughter attended both a childminder and nursery so it's not my first rodeo! I never had this with her nursery.

Again, a childminder would probably be better for you. I've had two at nursery and they didn't ever update the app daily. If his nappy is clean and dry, why do you need to have exactly when it was changed? Try a water bottle and then he may find it easier, plus you'll be able to see how much he's had 🤷‍♀️

My sons nursery dont update their app regularly in terms of food etc, but they do provide a handwritten slip daily showing nap times, food intake and and a snippet of what he has been doing for the day eg painting etc. If you feel concerned about the water intake and feel like you arent being listened too write an email (keep a paper trail so to speak, that way you can say 'i mentioned this 2 weeks ago' etc). If it doesnt change then perhaps consider moving him.
Also, I dont personally think you are overreacting, its an intense situation. Sending your child to nursery is difficult at the best of times, but throw in a pandemic for extra measure and you add in all sorts of mum guilt. You are just trying to do the best by your child, theres nothing wrong with that.

Staff are busy, if they haven’t had time to update the app and there’s info you need to know, then ask!

He’s only there two half days, so really stop fretting about water. It doesn’t matter how much he drinks, or eats. He’ll be given a snack and a meal with drinks, he won’t come to any harm in what, 4-5 hours?

@DarcyLewis

He is in full time, i think he did half days for a short time beforehand

I think you’d be better with a childminder if you want this level of feedback.

If he’s happy that is the main thing. But while he is a lot nursery send him with a water bottle so he can help himself.

The care he is receiving is not meeting YOUR needs so a change of Nursery is essential I think , two mornings a week is nothing so he will hardly notice the change

I get told every day :
1 soiled nappy
Ate some/most/all of his meal
Slept 1.5 hours
Had a great day
Personally I'm bored listening to them tell me this every evening as it's always same/similar occasionally no poo or more or less food and occasional head bang etc
But I am very secure in feeling he is well looked after which is what I need in order to go to work peacefully

Thanks for all the feedback - he's full time 5 days a week, he initially started part time. The concern was over water, the app was just mentioned as I don't know about food or anything - when my daughter was small we didn't have apps so it was a chart that was shown. My sisters nursery was consistent - her son is now 4. I don't expect one on one care but just that he's not dehydrated everyday!

He will be getting drinks with his meals and snacks in nursery and he will be offered drinks in between. I wouldn't fret over it too much if he seems happy there . Him drinking more after nursery might just mean he's been running and playing

@Twistered

He will be getting drinks with his meals and snacks in nursery and he will be offered drinks in between. I wouldn't fret over it too much if he seems happy there . Him drinking more after nursery might just mean he's been running and playing

He will be getting drinks, but if they’re in a cup he can’t manage then there’s not much point.

I’d expect a verbal ‘didn’t eat much today’ at handover, or if they know it’s a worry for you, ‘had a good lunch and snack’. I’d also expect them to remember to give him a sippy cup. How do you know they aren’t, by the way?

Every 40 minutes seems overkill though. They just need to remember at snack times and lunch? Sounds like they are massively over promising.

Do you ask at pick up? We get a sheet with the daily info on, I wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t know the food/ naps etc.
Re: Amount of food, their comments seem adequate
Re: water I thought my child was coming home thirsty and addressed it with the nursery, and it Improved. If they aren’t picking up on that concern of yours you can either move him or ask if you could send him in with his own cup (something you know he can and will drink out of).

Tbh I think you are over reacting and micro managing to an extent. My DD is 2 and her nursery is much the same, I honestly don't think it's the end of the world. It sounds like you are expecting too much to me.

That said, my DDs nursery do have a brief chat at handover. What happens when you collect him, do they say nothing at all?

For those saying a childminder would be better, when my son went to a childminder I was lucky if I got told anything really.

If I asked then yes she would tell me, but I never got in depth feedback. It was the same when he then went to preschool, unless I asked I rarely got told anything.

He is in school now, and perfectly fine. I have his sister down for the exact same childminder and preschool.

It never bothered me that I never got told these things and I never expected such detailed feedback.

If you were happy with your daughters childminder/ nursery can’t you just try to send him there?

@DarcyLewis

Staff are busy

Not an excuse for poor care and feedback!

I would ask at pick up, and keep asking/ the. They may update the app!!

I think OP is getting a little bit of an unfair rap- a 2yr old won’t communicate their day, it’s really not unreasonable to want to know what your child ate and did in a day-
Knowing what “some” means is a little ott granted

OP I think you are getting too worried about dehydration. Your kid might be thirsty but this is normal, the obsession with regular constant hydration is a modern parenting issue rather than a medical one.
As long as they are getting liquid in a day and don't have additional medical needs they will be fine (DH is dr and can't quite get over the fixation on hydration by parents and schools) . I understand why you might be more worried as he's been struggling with adapting to big cups but they will get there same with food fussiness, it's fairly normal at this age as they adapt.
You are aware and nursery are aware, you are clearly able to give them what they ask when they get home so they are not being starved or suffering from proper dehydration.
If they are happy at nursery I would stick with it and adjust your expectations.
If your child is not happy then I would thing about alternatives.
Both my kids went to different nurseries from 7/9mths old until school full time from the start. Information varied but to be honest the key information I was looking for was any real problems (constipation/diarrhoea/ not eating anything that day/ being too hot/ being bitten by another kid etc) , accidents and that they were happy. The minutiae of their day was what they nursery covered not me, you have to hand over a certain amount of control otherwise they spend the whole day writing records rather than looking after the kids. For me that time is better spent playing with them, reading to them etc
They were great with medical needs if that info was needed but for most it's just because we worry (which is natural) rather than a actually need for that detailed info.
By the way my kids would eat 2 breakfasts (one at home, 1 at nursery,) snacks, lunch and tea at nursery and still would be 'starving' when they got home
It gets worse when they become teenagers!

Nursery worker here. Honestly, I think this is poor practice from your son's nursery. Yes it's true that nursery staff are very busy but the app still needs to be updated, it's important information. I'd send in a sippy cup every day and ask that they use it for your son as he cannot yet use an open cup (and at 2 years old I'd not expect them to be fully able to). Then I'd speak to the manager of the nursery and ask that the app please be updated. If. Not change I'd find another nursery.

Our nursery update us with a slip of paper each day with details of how much she ate at breakfast, lunch and tea. Nappy changes and naps. (None, some, most, all) usually with a X2 next to it! (Good girl getting her money's worth!)

There's also a section for anything needed, nappies/spare clothes etc.
Outside the nursery they hang the menu, but we have access to what's happening via the parents area on the website. There's also a board with what activities they've been up to.
It's basic, but I know what's going on!

I'd expect that from a nursery at least, I think you can find better.

Our baby room 0-2 start giving the children moving up a beaker without a lid so they get used to it. What sort of support does he need? Is it just that he is spilling it or can he physically not hold the cup? A child portion of food is so much smaller than you think it would be. If they have a trained PANCO it could be that they are following the recommended portion size. We do this but if a child asks for 2nds then they get more but as a starting point they do have tiny portions. Is there a massive difference in the diet at nursery and home? Is the food freshly cooked or do they have a catering company? Maybe getting to the bottom of the logistics of meal times might help you answer your concerns.