Issues between separated parents and nursery

[IdreamofClooney]

Hi

My DS is at nursery full days some days and half days other days. I pay monthly in advance.

My Ex is supposed to collect DS from nursery two lunch times a week (he was meant to have DS for two full days but was unable to get out of bed to collect him in the morning but that is another story)

On several occassions Ex has been late to pick DS up - nursery calls me, not him. I contact him to wake him up (yes this is lunch time) and to go and get him. Another afternoon he announced that he was too ill to go and get DS so I asked the nursery if they could keep him until I left work.

When I got my bill there was no mention of these extra fees - I called to tell them that I owed more money.
I asked them to clarify the extra fees. They said they have no record of it! But that I should just work it out and add it to my cheque.

Is it just me or would you think they should keep a record of which children are there until what time?

I am happy to pay the extra - I called and pointed it out, but also I actually would like a note of the times Ex has been late as I need more details on his unsuitabilty as a carer for DS as there are other issues that I am unhappy with.

Is it perhaps just the nursery not wanting to get involved in a dispute between two parents?

I am concerned about Ex's behaviour; I have noticed booze on his breath several times now but I have no other evidence that he has been drinking. If the nursery smelt booze on him would they tell me? I want to ask them about it as it is very noticable.

Should they tell me as DS's main carer?

I think you have a right to be billed for it with an invoice that shows it - they have to keep records for Ofsted. You are well within your rights to speak to the nursery manager and ask that they make sure that your ex is not drunk when he collects your ds. I believe a nursery is supposed to not realise a charge into the care of someone who is drunk.

The nursery manager is just so vague - if I hadnt mentioned to her that she hadn;t charged me for the extra hours I wouldn't have had to pay. I told her out of honesty but also as I wanted to note the details of when exactly Ex has been late and not turned up.

I got the impression that she was not telling me in order to stay out of any cross fire between my ex and me which she has done in the past.

I;ve noticed a very strong booze smell off my ex several times recently - I think that it is from a heavy session the night before which still concerns me as he would not be 100% for looking after a two y ear old. I very rarely have a minor hangover and I find it hard let alone being so hung over that you still stink of booze at lunch time. I feel that if I ask the nursery about it she will brush it off and make out like I am being ridiculous (ie exactly waht Ex does when I bring up his drinking)

I just feel so alone - all I want is what is best for my child and I feel that I am fighting against the nursery and against my Ex all the time

Book and appointment with the manager and ask her to keep a log of collection times. By law they should have a records of the depature time of any children. Perhaps she was just being nice and cutting you a little slack because it wasn't your fault? I have done this in the past! Also during the meeting ask her to make staff aware you have concerns re:drinking. They should not hand over a child to someone drunk or someone they suspect of being drunk. The manager should in this case explain her concerns to your ex (at the time) and then call you to collect. if this happened alot, as the main carer, she may well ask you to make alternative arrangements for collection in future. I hope you get it sorted.

I do see where you're coming from but tbh it's not the job of the nursery to get involved in the disputes between you and your ex.

If you feel that your ex is not suitable to pick up your child then it is up to you to tell the nursery that he is not authorised to collect him, not the job of the nursery to decide when he should and shouldn't have his child.

This should between you and your ex not you and the nursery, it is your relationship not theirs. Their job is to look after your child, not to mediate between the child's seperated parents.