Should I be worried dd seemed to have nervous tic after bad day at nursery ?

[chankins]

dd2 is 3 yrs, 7 months, and started nursery three mornings a week in september. She had a few trial sessions there before summer hols with her big sis, who is now at school. Since starting on her own she has cried when I've left her, but still goes in ok, just with silent tears running down her face ! She always says she doesn't want to go, in a very small voice, just as we turn round the corner into the road.
Anyway, today my mum picked her up, found her in tears, which then descended into hysterical crying (not a tantrum, she just goes very quiet but crying so much she can't talk), and staff said she'd wet herself and gotten upset about wearning their clothes plus missing out on painting.
All fine, but what worried me was when mum brought her into the house, I noticed her mouth jerking to the sides, quite rapidly, making her look very nervous and it freaked me out ! Have never seen her do that before, what do you think ?!?

sounds awful - are you happy with the nursery?

Thanks for replying - yes, well, I was ! dd1 went there for 2 years, and never once said she didn't want to go. She did start off quite shy and quiet, like dd2 is now, but eventually came out of herself, made friends and loved it, so I was more than happy for dd1 to start there, as she starts school next september, and I was pleased with the work they did with dd1.
There are a few things I don't like, but nothing major, just niggles.
I just feel very very sorry for her, like I'm punishing her in some way by sending her ! Today wouldn't have worried anymore than usual, if I hadn't seen her mouth doing that. She was trying not to cry, wouldn't look at us, or answer us, and only snapped out of it once I'd got her changed into her own clothes and she went to play with her cousin. She seems to be becoming a very sensitive child lately. I was like that, and relaly wanted to avoid my kids being that way!

oh, I really sympathise - ds is 3 and a month and has just started HATING playgroup and I feel so mean taking him.

I'm sorry I have no suggestions except to trust your gut feeling about things - and if it's not essential she goes there, maybe wait till she is older (after all, by the time she starts school she will be a year older than now and perhaps more ready for it)?

Mmm, I will see how things go, maybe give it til after christmas. I don't want to find another nursery or playschool as I think she would be the same. Wonder if there are many parents these days whose kids start school having never been to a nursery or pre-school ? I'm a childminder (when not on mat leave), so sometimes wonder why I am sending her, when she could be with me. Guess I just want her to learn as much as dd1 did at this nursery. But then, dd2 isn't as keen to learn new things really.

She sounds very unhappy. To be honest, if she doesn't absolutely have to go (ie due to your work committments) I would think very seriously about taking her out, some children are just not suited to the nursery environment at that age and if she's getting no benefit from it what's the point?

Yes, how do you feel about taking her out for half a term say, or some other way of taking the pressure off both of you?

There is no law that says she must go, so what other options do you think you have?

What sort of things does she say about it, what she likes , doesn't like etc. Also do you have a friend who is a helper there who can keep an eye on her?

Sorry loads of questions, but neither of mine liked pre scgool and I so regret not having the guts to just take them straight out and start again 6 months later somewhere else. I feel I was too obedient as a mum and too harsh on them.

Don t you think that it may be due to the nursery she attends?Have you talked to her keyworker to try and find out if there is something you should know about the setup?A very sensitive child can pick up on bad vibes between collegues (I ve seen that)or a change in routine...it s worth asking

I mentioned my ds has been unhappy since Sept at his playgroup (having been haooy since Jan) and all the (really lovely) staff say he is fine when I've gone, but I hate making him go if he is upset - what's the point. So I am thinking I may just take him out (he is leaving at Xmas anyway) Why am I so scared of the thought of telling the owners though? Lord knows. Is it unreasonable to just take him on next week (I have paid till Xmas and won't expect money back as it's half a term's notice).

sorry for hijack

Something is amiss here. Could you sit your dd down, just the two of you and find out what's going on? I did this with my dd this week when she suddenly she didn't like nursery. It turned out that some boys wouldn't let her play on the climbing frame. I told the staff to keep a look out and the problem was sorted. It could be something as minor as that, but you'll never find out unless you ask your dd. Something is stressing your dd out so much, that it has now taken on a physical dimension. It may be a good idea to see a health visitor or GP who you can trust, and ask for their opinion too.

Yes its worrying me that the stress has caused a physical reaction - I have tried to talk to her and she just says she hasn't made a friend and no one will listen to her! She also says she'll go when she's bigger. The staff say she is very quiet, and doesn't talk to anyone really, but other than that seems fine. I am torn between taking her out, and keeping her at home until she starts school next year, but am worried she will then react badly to school. DH thinks it is because she doesn't go very often, we only send her for three out of the five available funding sessions. He thinks she'd get used to it if she was ther more. Think just have to see what else happens, but will def be talking to the manager this week !

My DD didn't get on very well at the school nurery, and when we moved I kept her at home for a few months before she started in the school reception class (knowing no other children) at nearly five - so I don't think nursery is at all necessary. She is at senior school now, loves drama club, and is on the gifted and talented scheme.