Using a nursery while on maternity leave

[EmJM]

EmJM

First time poster here. I’m a first time mum to a 6.5month old, and am considering putting her into nursery 1-2mornings a week, whilst I’m still on maternity leave. Looking for peoples opinions or some comradeship if anyone has done this?

My husband and I are finding the pandemic so so difficult. We have no family nearby to help (overseas and >300miles away), my husband is working from our small home, and we are both trying to do study as well. There are no baby groups here, or leisure centres and I’m starting to feel so isolated and totally wiped. I’m also so worried that my little girl is seeing no one apart from me and her Dad.

The local nursery have offered to give her two mornings a week. I wanted one only, but they said she wouldn’t settle properly. I am not planning to go back until she is 12minths old, We can afford it, and I know I will use the time wisely to recharge and to study.

BUT I still have massive massive Mum guilt. I worry I’m letting her down. That I’m not fulfilling the ideal of being a mother. Am I being lazy? Selfish? Am I wasting our money. It’s a total headF.

Would really love to hear from anyone who’s had experience of doing this. Or any advice.

Thanks Mums xxx

If you can afford to, do it! I’d agree with the nursery on the 2 days though. If settling has happened before you have to go back to work it’ll be a huge weight off when you do actually return.

Do it, @EmJM - looking back, I wish I'd done the same. I would have been a better, happier, healthier mum for it. And DD would have benefitted from interaction with people that aren't me or DH.

Oh my god do it!
I cannot wait to send DC in a weeks time, I need a break so bad.

I thi k it sounds like a good idea as your baby will be well settled in childcare before you start work. Rather than everything happening at once. And everyone needs a break.

@RedPandaFluff

Do it, *@EmJM* - looking back, I wish I'd done the same. I would have been a better, happier, healthier mum for it. And DD would have benefitted from interaction with people that aren't me or DH.

Me too, I wish I had used some childcare a couple of mornings a week whilst on mat leave. My DH worked long hours as I was absolutely fine until DS was 5 months and the monotony set in, I just wanted to run or walk the dog and DH long hours meant I couldn’t. DH suggested it and I felt like that was some sort of admission of failure. But this time I’ll take DS and the new baby for a couple of hours too.

Agree that it will be easier to settle than when the separation anxiety kicks in... also if you're not working easier to manage any bugs that they might catch whilst their immune system builds up.
My two started at 11m, eldest really wasn't impressed (and I ended up moving her) youngest has always been very content at new nursery, only one she's known.

A lot of my friends did this towards the end of maternity leave to get them settled, I wish I had done the same!

Don't feel guilty, in normal times you would have lots of groups to go which would keep you busy and the days would be short.

@EmJM how did your baby get on, have they started yet?

I'll be doing the exact same thing, starting my baby in nursery 2 days a week when she's 7.5 months, beginning of April. I'm going back to work when she's 9.5 months. I sometimes worry she'll be quite young to start at nursery... but how did yours do?

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Of course your baby will benefit from stimulation and seeing others You could of course strap her to your hip and never let her see anyone,just mum

The baby is 6.5 months old. Of course it they don't need to see anyone but their parents

Following.

I just joined Mumsnet in order to post almost exactly the same thing. My son is 7months old. No family near by and no bubble so he's only ever spent time with Mum and Dad. He's barely met any other adults face to face in the last 6 months apart from health care workers. We live quite remotely too.

I am also planning on nursery a day a week from 8 or 9 months old even though I won't return to work until he's 12months. The nursery have advised two half days. Not sure which is better. Its slightly more expensive two half days but he'd maybe get used to it quicker. I cant decide.

I am hoping it will make going back to work easier as it won't be so much of a change all at once.

I really regret not doing this! I had mine pre-Covid but really struggled on maternity leave - lack of family support and I had PND. It didn't occur to me at the time that I could have put her into nursery early for a minimal amount just to get a break. When she did start at 12 months it was such a relief knowing she had other reliable adults in her life to form relationships with and that we had backup from nursery.
Good luck!