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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Using a nursery while on maternity leave

37 replies

EmJM · 05/02/2021 22:32

EmJM

First time poster here. I’m a first time mum to a 6.5month old, and am considering putting her into nursery 1-2mornings a week, whilst I’m still on maternity leave. Looking for peoples opinions or some comradeship if anyone has done this?

My husband and I are finding the pandemic so so difficult. We have no family nearby to help (overseas and >300miles away), my husband is working from our small home, and we are both trying to do study as well. There are no baby groups here, or leisure centres and I’m starting to feel so isolated and totally wiped. I’m also so worried that my little girl is seeing no one apart from me and her Dad.

The local nursery have offered to give her two mornings a week. I wanted one only, but they said she wouldn’t settle properly. I am not planning to go back until she is 12minths old, We can afford it, and I know I will use the time wisely to recharge and to study.

BUT I still have massive massive Mum guilt. I worry I’m letting her down. That I’m not fulfilling the ideal of being a mother. Am I being lazy? Selfish? Am I wasting our money. It’s a total headF.

Would really love to hear from anyone who’s had experience of doing this. Or any advice.

Thanks Mums xxx

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/02/2021 22:53

need to say don’t seek or validate yourself by other folk opinion
Do what you need to do,what’s right for your family,your sanity ,your needs
There is always a mummy martyr who’ll vociferously tell you it’s your duty to be switched on and available 24-7. Why have baby if you palm or off to someone else yadda yadda
And finally lose the mummy guilt it’s destructive & toxic. So long as baby Is loved,safe and you’re responsible it’ll be fine

Nonamesavail · 05/02/2021 22:56

She does not need tonsee anyone else. Dont worry!

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/02/2021 22:59

Of course your baby will benefit from stimulation and seeing others
You could of course strap her to your hip and never let her see anyone,just mum

ireallyamthewalrus · 05/02/2021 23:00

Seems like a good idea. Give it a go!

24butfeeling80 · 05/02/2021 23:02

I went back to work when DD was about 9/10 months.. I wasn’t actually panning in going back so soon but thought it would make Christmas more special (affordable) and it was.

It was a huge relief. I love being a mum and I love spending time with DD but the cabin fever, the not seeing family, the doing it all on my own while DP works with no help was honestly so exhausting and relentless I don’t know how I managed to stick on a smile.

Nursery has done absolute wonders for DD, her speech was a concern a few months ago as she really didn’t make much noise at all, she was almost mute, but now she can say a good handful of works and run around screaming (not so much shrieking but more gentle ahhh’s like she’s excited) and it’s lovely.

The time I get to spend with her in the weekend now and in the morning/evening (I work full time) it’s so much more precious and she is a lot more affectionate and interested in playing with me or just sitting with me while we watch telly or read a book.

All in all it’s done is both wonders and I almost felt mum-shamed for going back full time so soon... I had some comments “oh how do you leave her?” “Oh poor ‘DD name’ she must miss you” “do you not care that you don’t see her” and many more - all the comments at first made me question my parenting but not I can 100% say she loves nursery, she probably does miss me (or she doesn’t notice because they are so preoccupied playing/eating/sleeping ect) I miss her too.. I can ‘bare’ to leave her because i matter too

You matter too OP. It’s natural to miss them but that’s not a negative thing.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 05/02/2021 23:09

You're not letting her down. In fact, happy mum happy baby. Plus this way she builds a relationship with someone else, gets to know other babies, and gets some stimulation and enrichment outside the house, beyond her parents. Win win.

Sounds ideal, if you can afford to, go for it.

sabrinathemiddleagewitch · 05/02/2021 23:12

If you can afford it, do it

You will be a better parent from having a break and she will enjoy the other people and surroundings. Please don't feel guilty

BungleandGeorge · 05/02/2021 23:19

They’re right that they don’t settle well only going one day a week. My reservation would be that they get quite a few bugs when they first go to nursery, might be difficult to cope with at 6 months and you might end up all having to isolate. I might think about a child minder instead in the current circumstances. Perhaps it’s better at the moment though with covid measures.

user1506328491 · 06/02/2021 00:43

If having two mornings off makes you able to parent better / more happily the rest of the time then it's probably a good thing.
But don't say that its so your 6MO baby can see other people / make friends/ get stimulation / learn independence (!)... see another thread on all of these 'reasons.'
Be honest with yourself.

user1506328491 · 06/02/2021 00:54

You mention guilt and looking for comradeship.
If you decide to do it, dont do it because of blase reassurance on MM.
it would have to because youre honest with yourself and say they are going to nursery to give me a break because I'm not able to parent them as well as I would like at the moment.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 06/02/2021 01:13

what are you suggesting user150,that’s it’s wrong for a parent to need a break?or make an active choice for themselves
If one is tired and has other alternative things to do,then yes crack on,put that baby in nursery

user1506328491 · 06/02/2021 01:17

No, I'm saying if you do it, own it. Don't be influenced by others' opinions.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 06/02/2021 01:18

Thanks for clarifying In that case I agree with you however I’d say it’s beneficial to baby too

JengaJanga · 06/02/2021 01:19

Normally i would say yes.

With Covid, I would say no.
Keep her home for now

user1506328491 · 06/02/2021 01:26

I think nursery probably, at best, neutral for 6MO baby, not beneficial.
But if it makes OP feel better able to parent for let's be clear, the vast majority of the time with baby in her care, then balance swings in favour of OP having a break.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 06/02/2021 01:35

All my children went to nursery ft from 6mth and they are happy,well adjusted,secure attachment
It was for me, for them. It suited

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 06/02/2021 01:39

I kept my DC1 out of nursery until she was 14 months and was disgustingly proud of myself. DC2 started 2 days a week at 6 months and he looooooved it!!! DC3 will be going 2 days a week from 6 months as well and I will feel absolutely zero guilt. In fact, I’m excited for him to start! For my sake and his.

user1506328491 · 06/02/2021 01:41

Were you at work when they started nursery?
If yes, the OPs situation is quite different in that she's on maternity leave which is, for the most part, a time when people don't use childcare

thisnthat · 06/02/2021 01:47

I would definitely give it a go. Looking after a baby in these covid / lockdown times without baby groups, being able to meet up with friends etc must be really difficult at times. Do what you need to do to give yourself a bit of a break, it sounds like you need it. Your baby will be fine at nursery for two mornings a week.

Crazybirdlady · 06/02/2021 01:51

From a development point of view now would be ideal. From 7 months babies start to notice more if you are not there and get upset or find it difficult to be apart from you. Getting her used to being with someone else and settled in nursery before that starts to happen will be better in the long run.
Aside from that, using your child free time wisely should reduce stress for you. We're all better parents when we are not under so much pressure.

Tumbleweed101 · 06/02/2021 09:28

The babies that have started with us about that age have settled far more easily than those a little older. Your nursery is right that two sessions a week will be better than one for helping her get to know her carers there as she settles.

I think right now without the usual support of family and baby groups nursery is a good opportunity for them to meet others. We’ve actually been busier in our baby room lately and that is a big reason why - parents needing a bit of a break and worried about their babies not socialising with other people.

Gemma2019 · 06/02/2021 17:57

In a way I regret not sending my kids to nursery until I really had to and was totally exhausted. If you want to send them and you can afford it then do it. If it doesn't work out then just remove them from nursery.

The only thing I will say is that in the 6-12 months after all my children started nursery they caught every bug, virus and skin condition going. It meant they missed a lot of nursery time but also meant I was working and looking after sick children. I don't know if it would be different for a baby who isn't wandering around.

BikeRunSki · 06/02/2021 18:07

Mums are allowed a break too! If using nursery enables you to do this in the absence of anything else, then do it!! (They are right about 2 morning being better than 1).

ChocOrange1 · 06/02/2021 18:11

In normal times I wouldn't bother, just use toddler groups etc for socialisation. However with everything being shut for foreseeable future, it might be worthwhile. I probably would if it was affordable for us.

LetMeOut2021 · 06/02/2021 18:15

It’s absolutely fine.

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