Nearly 3 years old and not speaking Shakespeare

[Mudpet]

My child has been at nursery for less than 4 months (2 days a week). Lockdown has meant that he hasn’t been socialising with his many cousins and friends which is upsetting for a 2 year old as children are far better teachers than adults at this age. I have been given a lot of pressure and guilt (by some nursery staff and a health visitor) for the fact that he isn’t speaking full sentences or communicating clearly verbally. He is an active, alert, happy child who loves to laugh and explore. Am I doing something wrong for thinking speaking is allowed to take time? I am feeling very bullied and am having constant referrals for language therapy. He’s not even 3 yet??!

Why would you feel bullied because your child needs speech therapy?

For him to be referred he will have a significant speech delay, and you refusing to get him any help won't do him any favours.

If my child care setting advised it, I would follow it up.
My son has a stutter which affected his ability to communicate, speech therapy made life a lot easier for him.

It's not about you, it's about your son.
Why on earth should you feel guilty because he needs speech therapy.
Just accept the help he needs.
They aren't trying to make you feel bad, they are expressing their concern.

I would take the referral. Simply because SALT referrals take absolutely ages and it can be up to a year before receiving sessions, and if when you get there turns out he doesn’t need help then great. Nothing to be ashamed about.

I would accept any help that is offered if both the HV and the child care setting think there is an issue. If it was only just the hv or the child care setting that has raised this i would probably think as you do. But if two sets of professionals think that your ds may need some help then I would take whatever help I could get. I have seen a few children who don't have cousins or siblings to play with at all communicating reasonably well approaching 3.

How much 2 is your DS? If he was 2 last week then they're possibly a little hasty but if he's 3 next month then it's definitely worthwhile. It might not even be about the sentences and more about how he enunciates his words that they're concerned about. (Like making "c" sounds instead of "t" sounds - "key" instead of "tea")

My sister didn't speak a word until she was 3 and began in sentences immediately. She had speech therapy. She's at uni studying chemistry now so it clearly did her no harm.

There is absolutely no shame in this whatsoever. Sometimes speaking does take longer for some children than others but would you not rather do everything you can to support him rather than let him struggle?

The nursery staff will see lots of children. If they think your son is behind they are probably right.

If you think that your son doesn't talk to them because he is uncomfortable at nursery that's a different conversation - you haven't said you disagree with them in terms of his language skills.

You also don't give an exact age; there's a huge language difference between "just 2" and "nearly 3" so none of us on here can offer reassurance.

Accept the referral (it's better to have help early than late) and try to talk to your son/ engage him in conversation as much as possible at home. Things like describing to him what you are doing (even if it's washing up/wiping a work surface) and what you are seeing/feeling if on a walk etc.

Children can't learn language if they aren't exposed to it. At 2 most of their exposure is in the home, even more so at present.

When my DD was in preschool, the leader (in a rare moment of loose tongued unprofessionalism, borne out of sheer frustration) complained to me that one of the other mothers was refusing to take her child to speech therapy. She was a very experienced lady and thought that the (obvious) speech impediment this child had could be easily sorted while he was young, but was likely to be permanent if left unattended. I’d take their advice and go. There’s absolutely no shame in it at all. It may be a complete waste of your time (which would be irritating). But if they’re right and there is an issue which becomes harder to fix as he gets older, you’re likely to regret it.

@Mol1628

I would take the referral. Simply because SALT referrals take absolutely ages and it can be up to a year before receiving sessions, and if when you get there turns out he doesn’t need help then great. Nothing to be ashamed about.

This.

Get him in the queue. If you don’t need it when he gets to the front then nothing lost. But the waiting list for this type of thing takes forever.

While you are doing that find out from friends with older kids which clubs are the most over subscribed and get him on the waiting list for those as well. (I live in a city with an incredibly good athletics club with a waiting list of many many years. My kids are athletic but not a chance of getting them in!)

he hasn’t been socialising with his many cousins and friends which is upsetting for a 2 year old as children are far better teachers than adults at this age.

As regards speech, I would have said that adults who speak clearly and frequently to a child are just as, if not more, helpful to a two-year-old's learning to talk, especially as a lot of two-year-olds don't really play with one another at all, just 'parallel play' in the general vicinity.

If you're continually having 'constant' referrals to SALT suggested, I'd imagine there's good reason and it isn't that you're child is failing at delivering soliloquys in iambic pentameter but even if not, and all the people suggesting it are wrong, what would be wrong with seeing a speech therapist to allay any concerns? It may simply be that he's taking his time, but you seem very defensive and aggressive about it -- why?

YOUR child, sorry.

Agree with pp, depends how much 2 he is. I did feel a bit annoyed when my DS was assessed at 28 months (2 year check) and a big fuss was made about the fact he rarely put more than 2 words together. As I explained at the time he hadn't really said anything until after his second birthday and his speech was constantly improving and evolving so I wasn't worried at all. I also felt pressurized because apparently he was behind. It was agreed to reassess in 3 months as I wasn't keen in him being referred because I felt they were being a bit premature. As it happens he's now 32 months and regularly speaks in whole sentences so I'm glad I stuck to my guns.

I have an older DS who was also a late talker. He was assessed by SALT and they decided there was no problem, and he was left to speak in his own time

Go with it ;) it's fine. And trust me some kids do speak "Shakesperian language" at 3!! But don't compare them

DD has seen a speech therapist and after an year or so (4-5 sessions?) she was discharged. It's good just to check everything is ok. A slight delay is perfectly fine but it's up to a speech therapist to differentiate that to a more serious problem

Go for the assessment. It's not a judgement on you or your child and if he doesn't need support then they'll say so.

Ds2 really struggled with speech - very social child but still very delayed. I wish we'd had support from the nursery. Instead we had to wait until he was 6 before he got SLT. He's now nearly 8 and still has slightly immature speech - he had/s lots of articulation issues, not helped by glue ear throughout early childhood.

OP trying to get children onto a SaLT’s case load is really hard; at least it is in my Local Authority! The service is so underfunded and overstretched. In an ideal world, every child that needed it would have it but education settings often have to weigh up who needs it the most and then manage the others “in house” so to speak. I often don’t refer all the children that I think need it as I know they are unlikely to get accepted. I tend to only make a referral for the children with the greatest need, as waiting lists are huge.

If your child’s nursery are suggesting it they must think he really needs it. It’s not a slight against you, it is being done with the best of intentions to help your child. I know it can seem very overwhelming and very personal when things like this happen but they will be doing it because it is needed. I really would listen to them.

Speech and language problems cause infinite issues for children when they get further into school, so it’s better to address things earlier to give your child the best chance. Best case scenario he receives the help he needs, worst case scenario it turns out he doesn’t need and gets discharged. It’s a win:win in my opinion. ❤️

Brilliant advice from you all. Thank you. I will try to sound less arrogant/ignorant in the future and embrace the help..!

I’d get in the queue but not worry. My cousin barely spoke until age 5 and he’s a foreign language teacher.

The staff will know if he’s outside the expected range for a child of his age. We have a lot of first hand experience and assessment tools and with young children it’s important to act fast - partly because referral processes take time but also the earlier a potential problem is addressed the easier it is to give them the help they need to progress.

We had two children in my previous cohort with SALT concerns. One parent wanted us to do all we could to help, referrals etc. The other didn’t think there was a problem and that we just hadn’t bonded with their child. The first child got help and progressed fast and was nearly at the point of being discharged from the SALT team having made amazing progress while the other child continued to struggle until the parent finally agreed to get help. That child is making slower progress because of the later start and speech patterns already more embedded etc.

Not saying this will be your child but the staff do know what they are talking about. I am usually able to pick up the same day of spending time with a child whether there is something that needs flagging for closer monitoring, just through training and experience of lots of children in that age group. I suspect your nursery will have staff with that same experience.

Btw they'll mostly give you some advice on how you can help your child. Let me see if I can remember it

• You need to have one on one play with your child sitting on the floor (you need to be at their level) at least 5-10 min every day. Let them lead the play! They will have a longer attention span if they are enjoying themselves. Give words to what they're doing, like a sports commentator
• Make sure they can see your mouth. That's important. When you're teaching them a word actually point at your mouth so they look at it.
• When they do say a word, don't correct it. Say it correctly and had another word to it. They say dog you say brown dog. They say whity cat you say fluffy white cat.
• Songs and reading books are good. They advise you can also read books facing them so they see your mouth.
• Avoid asking what is this, what is that. That is not teaching them any words. The emphasis is them hearing you speaking new words, extending their vocabulary. So you can ask where is the dog? What is the girl holding?
• Talk. Just keep talking about what you're doing. It's important that they learn all new words relating to different things, even cooking, cleaning, the house, wtv

Good luck!!

Research has shown that early intervention has the biggest impact on children's speech and life chances unsupported speech delay impacts children at 16 and beyond. So definetly take the referal they will have taken time to observe your lo taking into account his age and made initial assessments based on various factors like clarity and the number of words he strings together ....not full expanded sentences....nd his understanding. Although children can be great for language and communication the best support is an adult singing reading and modelling correct language.

Get him speech therapy as soon as you can. It is done through play and in my experience is a lovely one to one play session for your DC.

As he gets older the language delay will be more observable and could result in him being left out (with other kids) and having behavioural problems and lacking confidence.

It must be so frustrating for a child who cannot articulate their needs and then feel like they're not being heard.

What if he is hurt, is thirsty, wants to play with a particular toy, wants to have a sleep, is hungry.

It takes a lot of energy to express themselves physically (ie grabbing your hand and then showing you want they want) instead of verbally.