Sending DC to nursery without meeting/visiting first?

[FTEngineerM]

Our DC is just about 7 months old and will start nursery next month for at least 1 day/week then move up to full time.

But.. they won’t let us in to meet them/see the facilities. We’ve had pictures but that’s all. They’ve also offered a chat over the phone but, I really wanted to see the ‘vibe’ before sending DC there, it’s not our only choice.

This one is more suitable location and availability wise, so I’m really keep to get him in it. Whilst he’s so tiny and can’t communicate things to me I think it’s even more important that we check it out ourselves.

What has everyone else done? I can’t wait for CV19 to go before sending him, I need to at least go back by May at the latest.

I wouldn't allow dd to go somewhere that would allow a viewing at the moment while children are in. I would be really cross if dd came into contact with more children at nursery than absolutely necessary.

Can you do a video tour and/or ask for views on local Facebook pages

That’s a good point, hadn’t thought about it from that angle.

I don’t mind the time though, even late on a Friday so there’s days in between me visiting and children coming as normal Monday. But no.

I don’t have Facebook but I’ve just found their costed report! Will take a browse.

Gosh this is so hard. There is no way I would have left my child at a nursery i hadn't seen. But equally when my kids were that age covid wasn't around. Would the other nursery let you in for a look?

I do understand that it's challenging, I had to leave my dd (10 months) at the front door and just hand her over without visiting or supporting her with settling , but unfortunately everyone is in the same boat at the moment if you need to use childcare.

@Mumdiva99 yes they will but don’t have as many days available, or even know if that’ll change in the future.

@Findahouse21 goodness, that sounds so hard, just dropping them off with strangers and saying goodbye - that’s what I wanted to avoid. Not much choice so I’ll need to just trust they obviously know what they’re doing I think.

I won't lie - it was really hard, but no way around it unfortunately. Dd was so clingy before hand and settled really quickly. They sent me loads of photos to.prove that she calmed down very quickly which was lovely.

Sorry, me again! Forgot to add, I had a looong email exchange with the manager and tried to turn it a bit more 'chatty' so I could get a bit of sense of her personality etc and also spoke with room leader on the phone and had emails with her. They both acknowledged how shit the situation was, which was important for me. I also phoned a couple of times and how the staff came across on the phone was nice to hesr

I feel for you, we have had to make the difficult decision to send our DS to nursery in February. I cannot have a physical viewing however, they have sent me a virtual tour, brochures. It was a recommendation as my niece went to the same place, but its really difficult not to be able to go into the building to drop him off, reassure him that im coming back. Its not normal circumstances at the moment (or for however long this goes on). What you are doing is protecting the other children, and the same will be done for your child when other people join. I hope you get sorted

@Findahouse21

I wouldn't allow dd to go somewhere that would allow a viewing at the moment while children are in. I would be really cross if dd came into contact with more children at nursery than absolutely necessary.

Can you do a video tour and/or ask for views on local Facebook pages

Agreed.

I had the same thing. It was awful but I had absolutely no other choice.

Thanks @Findahouse21 good idea I’ll try and schedule a zoom type call too that’ll probably help.

It’s much more of a structured ‘educational’ type environment the one I want to send him to but can’t visit. Grr. There’ll be tears but as you have all said, no choice.

It’s quite hard to trust a total stranger.

I’ve seen the report and they had a ‘good’ review all round so happy with that.

@MummyE87

I feel for you, we have had to make the difficult decision to send our DS to nursery in February. I cannot have a physical viewing however, they have sent me a virtual tour, brochures. It was a recommendation as my niece went to the same place, but its really difficult not to be able to go into the building to drop him off, reassure him that im coming back. Its not normal circumstances at the moment (or for however long this goes on). What you are doing is protecting the other children, and the same will be done for your child when other people join. I hope you get sorted

In a way it’s good because I don’t want random people wandering through when DC is there, totally get that now.

Thanks for the different perspective

It is good, but it doesnt make it any easier. I have just made sure i have alot of contact with the nursery staff. I have spoken with the Manager alot and she has given some reassurance. Very different to the actual event, 100% tears from both of us for sure.

I have just prepared myself that it may take a little longer for him to settle.

Also, given the current circumstances, DS hasnt been able to interact with other children (hes an only child), and i dont want him to miss out on the social side. If we have visited the park (before the lockdown of course) telling him to stand back and not get too close is heartbreaking. At least in this setting, he will be able to interact like a child should and hopefully meet some friends, this has to be good for him and his development, despite everything thats going on.

Sorry for the long post, but its something that we are going through at the moment so is on my mind ALOT!

@MummyE87 it’s funny you should say that about tears, well not really but you know what I mean(!), I said the same to them today. I know I’m going to be a mess dropping him off the first few times.

They’re arranging two free short sessions a week before so he can get to know everyone. I’ve spoken at length on email and phone, the report was also good.

I think I’m going to take the plunge. I agree this situation hasn’t helped our DCs social skills either, I’m pretty insular so he hasn’t actually met another child. Lots of family as and when we can but that’s it. This will be so good for him developmentally.

I wonder if I can get them to send me pics/updates so I know he’s fine?!

It is hard, but try and be as upbeat and happy as possible at drop offs - any sign you’re worried or sad will send your ds hysterical, which will make you worse. Have a cry afterwards though!

If it’s any help, I only saw DD’s nursery once and she only had 3 settling in sessions - I was offered a job I couldn’t refuse and it was immediate start. I wasn’t planning on returning to work for another 3 months so thought I had plenty of time! It took Dd about 6 weeks to really settle, but she’s been there for almost 3 years now and throws a strop if it’s not a nursery day. She absolutely adores it. Good luck! I’m sure it will be fine.

@FTEngineerM Ha, you wont be alone in that department. I ordered him a backpack and some name labels last night and shed a tear!! Ha.

Its been an extremely intense one on one sitation because of COVID this year, so its understandable. Alot of children are in the same boat, but i believe that once we are past the settling in stage it will have so many benefits for him.

We are doing the same, he will have a few settling in sessions, get to know the staff and children before he goes for the 'real thing' so to speak.

Of course they will, if it gives you piece of mind. Plus the Manager also said i can call as many times as i want to check on him (she may massively regret this) so that has made me feel abit better.

Its nice to know that im not the only one with this mindset, but im sure we wont be the first or last.

@Ostryga that’s a good insight into what the future holds, thanks, 6 weeks seems forever at the minute but when we’re talking years it’s not so long . I’ll try and fake it until I make it. DS is pretty receptive if I’m stressed so I need to chill more generally aswell, I should get some practice in.

@MummyE87 a backpack?!, I haven’t even thought about that yet. Gosh I have a month to get my act together and get us both prepped. Thanks for the welly I needed.

We’ve just signed him up, I feel terribly nervous and excited for him all at the same time.

Thanks for sharing your situation too, it’s a tough one atm. Now I need to figure out when he needs to take.

Dd was 11 months when she started. She goes 3 days a week and I would say she was fully settled (no tears at handover, eating and napping properly) within 4 weeks. This Was a baby who screamed being held by anyone else prior to that

@Findahouse21 glad she settled quickly, was that full time?

DS is going 2 days a week for 10 weeks then up to 5. Wondering if that length of time might elongate the settling in process.

@FTEngineerM I’ve been preparing in advance, I like to be super organised at the best of times and thought if I have everything ready I won’t freak out as much. Decided a backpack was a good place to start for a change of clothes, nappies, drinks, snacks (he’s dairy intolerant) and bunny of course (who’s had spaghetti bolognese for tea so is looking a little worse for wear).

We too have 4 weeks before he starts and is also starting on 2 days a week for about 8 weeks and then up to 3 days! Hopefully regardless of the amount of days, I’m sure within time it will just become a part of the normal weekly routine.

Hope your planning goes ok and I’m sure as hard as it seems now it will get easier.

Hi OP just to reassure you like the other posters have. Pre-Covid DS started nursery just after his first birthday - since then he has always gone 2 days a week. I think if you can get the days together (if you have a choice) that might help him settle quicker. DS goes split days (Mon and Fri) and it took a long time (months) until we had no tears at drop off. BUT they shared pics on the app within 10/15 mins showing him eating breakfast and happy. Our nursery was always happy to take a phone call so don't be afraid of calling them to see how he is.

Unfortunately that nursery closed because of covid and he started a new one in September - the new nursery is part of the same chain but our experience post-covid has been very different. We were allowed an after hours visit but we were only allowed in the outside areas and to look in the windows. We didn't meet any of the staff. Even now all these months later I feel like I don't know the place. Updates on the app are few and far between. And handover at drop off and pick up is very clinical (temp and sanitizer) and very quick ("he had a great day, see you on Mon/Fri") - a far cry from our previous experience where staff would give us a full run down of the day. It is only this week we haven't had tears at drop off.

Anyway I would hope that when all of this starts to lift your experience will be more like our original experience!!

Also second what a pp said about a backpack - we aren't allowed to take ours home at the minute. If a change of clothes is required we have to bring it in a plastic bag (don't really understand the logic but it is what it is!)

Good luck and I hope it all goes well :)

Dd goes 3 days a week - I had got some leave planned so that she could go to nursery 2 days owe week but they suggested she would settle much quicker with more days so I had those as Christmas prep days! If your dc is going 2 days then maybe work out which woukd be best ao they aren't going too long without nursery?

Gosh this is so hard. There is no way I would have left my child at a nursery i hadn't seen. But equally when my kids were that age covid wasn't around.

I have just had 2 children start whose parents have never seen the setting. One has never been in any form of childcare and was just so excited to see other children, that he never looked back. For the other one it was a just a new childcare setting, so no problem for either of them. My nephew has also just started nursery, after never seeing anyone except his parents and is having a lovely time.

It is hard. The children we’ve had start during this time have settled quickly and well so parents not being able to come in hasn’t impacted how well children settle.

We are aware how hard it is for parents so encourage phone calls /emails and will send photos over tapestry so that parents can see what they have been doing and that they are happy and having fun. We also have a private Facebook page where we will put up photos of the group and rooms and weekly activities so that parents get to ‘see inside’ the rooms.