Just need some opinions on this as i've been so unsettled since I heard what I did but the nursery management are being very cold about it all. I have taken her out of the nursery as a result.
My 2.5 year old daughter who used to wave me merrily goodbye when going to nursery has been resisting going in for some time. Crying and clinging to me at the door when I leave her etc. Up until a few weeks ago she was very happy and confident going in, sometimes never looking back. Now they have to tear her off me. She is quite verbal and often tells me she is scared of a particular staff member who works in the office. This lady is quite intimidating to look at appearance wise so I assumed she was a little frightened by her physicality and that was that....well turns out she's scared of her for a whole other reason. When I dropped her off last week she was again crying at the door. Her main class teacher took her in but forgot to close the main door behind her. I also forgot to hand something in so decided to enter soon after. I could hear my daughter screaming and still resisting to get in. From what I could make out she threw herself on the floor rather than go into the class. There is another door in between the main door and the nursery so I couldn't make out what happened visually but I suddenly heard one of the office staff come in out of nowhere and scream aggressively "I SAID GET UP OFF THE FLOOR. GET UP OFF THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW. YOUR DISTUBRING ME AND MY MEETING!!! as my daughter continues to wail. Trust me, reading this on paper might not sound that bad but it was so aggressive and horrible that I initially assumed she was ranting and raving at another adult on the phone. Could not believe when the penny dropped that she was actually addressing my upset 2 year old child. I literally froze in shock and walked away rather than go and barge in. How ridiculous am I? I called up after 10 mins in tears, asking this particular staff member if she thought her language and tone were acceptable. She denied everything of course - trying to pin the blame on my daughter being unsettled because she is coming in an hour later than her usual time. She never mentioned any reason as to why she would scream at my child in that manner.
I contacted the nursery's Director and explained what I heard. I then get the whole 'I don't know what you THINK you heard but so and so isn't like that etc etc.....' I'm in tears on the phone recalling the whole thing imagining my daughter still hysterical in that place. I asked the Director if she could have a look at the CCTV to see if she could at least view the encounter. She calls me back later to say she has had a look and that the context would explain what I 'perceived' to be harshness as my child was sitting in a hazardous part of the doorway and this staff member was trying to stop my child from getting caught in the door. I do not believe a word of this. Even if true why would she rant and rave that my child was disturbing her and her meeting? I have asked to see the footage but she is postponing it for 2 weeks as she is 'away this week' but she seems unfazed by what she saw. I'm wondering if I need to even bother with going in to look at the CCTV as the audio won't be heard and that imo is the most distressing part. But a part of me wants to see as I don't believe for a minute this teacher was trying to put out any danger. But even if she was trying to avoid a hazard does that still excuse her aggression? I'm worried that if I view the CCTV and can see that she was trying to avert some sort of danger, that i'm forced to concede that what I heard wasn't that bad when it was worse than bad - it was tantamount to bullying and being verbally slapped.
My other concerns are that
- it seemed that this is the way this staff member normally 'handles' my child. The demeaning and cruel way she spoke seemed like like nothing unusual. I somehow don't believe this was an isolated event.
- the class teacher who initially met me at the door was the only immediate witness and I naively assumed she would corroborate what I heard but no she was defending her colleague
- my daughter vomited at the nursery that same day according to the class teacher but they don't know why....I asked my daughter why she threw up (i.e. eating too fast etc) and she said she just wanted mummy and daddy so I again assume she was crying her eyes out and got sick from anxiety.
- she was not herself that evening - very subdued and complaining of stomach and back aches. We spent an evening in A&E. I thought she must be coming down with an infection but nothing medically indicated that according to the doctor. When I saw her right as rain the following morning I came to realise she was probably suffering from anxiety being in the nursery environment. I tried to explain this in an emotional email to the Director and rather than be sympathetic to my child's distress (regardless of trying to protect her staff), she completely ignored my daughter's pain and feelings and simply said 'when would you like to come in and view the CCTV.' Considering I have had a 4 year relationship with this Director and the nursery with my other child, I am absolutely appalled by the lack of concern. She tries to promote the Nursery's Montessori, Let the Children Lead the Way, Vegan, Earth-Friendly ethos but she's proven to me its bullshit. When it now comes to actual parental concern and a child's emotional and physical wellbeing she wants to be very black and white about the whole thing. Imagine that? Paying 1k a month for my child for to be verbally attacked whilst distressed, making herself sick
I've taken her out - but my husband seems to think she should stay where she is as a matter of principle and that the nursery should be the ones to be held accountable and staff should be dismissed. I can't see that happening at all.