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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

please tell me the crying at nursery thing won't last long...

15 replies

deaconblue · 12/10/2007 13:12

Ds started at nursery just two mornings a week. He's 18 months old and has only been left with family before but we feel it's good for him to mix more with other children and he's such a confident little fellow I felt sure he's be ok. He's been 4 times and although I expected him to cry when we dropped him off, apparently he cries on and off the whole time he's there. Is this usual? How long will it go on for? Also do I make it worse by leaving when he's not looking, should I properly say goodbye?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nailpolish · 12/10/2007 13:13

i think hes too little for this. they dont need to mix with other children at this age, its not essential at all. unless you need him to go to nursery just now for you to work or whatever, id take him out of nursery and try again in a year maybe

hth

goingfor3 · 12/10/2007 13:14

I personally would say goodbye properly so he's not looking for you after you've gone.

bananaknickers · 12/10/2007 13:14

It won't last and yes you should say goodbye , so he trusts you. say a frim goodbye and I will be back later and just go

nailpolish · 12/10/2007 13:14

if you are adamant he should mix wiht other children, try a mothers and toddlers where you stay with him

Littlefish · 12/10/2007 13:14

Does he need to be there because you're working?

Personally, I feel that at 18 months, he is probably better being supported by you when he's socialising. Are there playgroups he could go to with you that would give him the chance to start socialising, whilst knowing that you're there.

In response to your question, we always encourage parents at our nursery to say goodbye and explain that they will be back soon.

bananaknickers · 12/10/2007 13:15

Agree with nailpolish , If you don't need to leave him there , try again later

Littlefish · 12/10/2007 13:15

Blimey, everyone types much faster than I do!

RubyShivers · 12/10/2007 13:15

totally usual but upsetting for you

my DS is 16 months and this week has been crying a little when i have left
best thing is to say goodbye - bright happy voice, big kiss and then go (staying makes it worse)

Have you chatted with his key worker about this?

I spoke to my DS's this week about his crying and she said at this toddler age it is normal and nothing to really worry too much about

RubyShivers · 12/10/2007 13:17

don;t they just, little fish!

Original poster

deaconblue · 12/10/2007 13:18

no, am not working, hence only 2 mornings. Surely it's just something he needs to get used to? When would be the right age? My sister works in primary school and has 4 year olds who've never been left and who find it unbearable to leave their mums, would hate him to go through that when he has to start school. I thought we were doing the right thing by introducing him to something different with other children and experiences I might not do at home with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

deaconblue · 12/10/2007 13:21

key worker never seems to be there but have spoken to the team leader and she said it's early days, give him time to get used to it. He won't eat there either at the moment. Will definitely say goodbye proeprly then, thought it was better not to draw attention to me leaving, but I guess he gets a nasty shock when he dicovers I've gone. At home he only ever cries really briefly for a reason, never on and off all morning.

OP posts:

barnstaple · 12/10/2007 13:23

If you don't say goodbye then how does he know where you are? You could be hiding in a cupboard or behind a curtain!

Do a proper goodbye and then he'll know where you are, and therefore where he stands. It will settle his mind, which will help him enjoy his time there. Tell him you'll be back at pick-up time, or lunch time or whenever it is, and he won't expect to see you before then, so that once he's got over the fact that you've gone, he can get on with other things. Don't be late picking him up, at first. Once he's used to the nursery routine and confident that you will always pick him up at the end, being late won't matter so much, but at this early stage, he needs to KNOW completely and utterly that you will be there at the right time, and he hasn't been abandoned!

seeker · 12/10/2007 13:25

If he doesn't have to be there, then stop! Lots of children don't go to pre school or nursery and are fine when they start. Yes he does have to get used to it, but not til he's 4!

nailpolish · 12/10/2007 13:26

my dd started school last month and she was pretty much fine - had hardly been to a nursery in her life.

i think you should try mothers and toddlers first - where you stay with him. he needs you to help with socialising and playing with other children just now

imo anyway

goingfor3 · 12/10/2007 13:29

Pre-schol take children from 2 1/2 and that is where many children are first left without parents, some children aren't ready until 3.

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