Keeping it in perspective

7 replies

tik73 · 10/10/2007 20:12

Sorry, v long thread. My DS has had his first two sessions at nursery. He has only been left with family before now (he's 11 months). He was allocated a key worker and yesterday spent 30 mins without me and today 45 mins. Both times I went in with him first off, settled him, sat and watched for a while (the first day about 45 mins, today about 15) and made sure I said goodbye etc before I left. Both days he was happy and smiling when I went.
Yesterday when I returned he had clearly been crying, (snotty nose and red eyes), I asked if everything had been OK, the staff all said yes, inc the key worker. Once we left the room at the end of the session I asked the key worker again and she said that there had been some tears but she wasnt sure why because she'd been on her break.
Today, when I returned after 45 minutes, DS was wearing a bib and smelt of sick and I was informed that he had been crying again,and had got in such a state as to throw up (he has never done this before and is 11 months). The key worker said that she had returned from her break to find him in a state and that she had eventually 'got him settled and calmed him down'.
I find this bizarre since firstly DS is really good natured and I have never known him get to the point of needing to be settled or calmed down. Provided you make eye contact and hug him if he hurts himself or falls over he just gets on with it (I'm therefore confused as to how he managed to get so worked up as to be sick unless he was just left to cry). Secondly I feel let down by the keyworker who clearly has a break straight after I leave and comes back just before I return. I am not suggesting she shouldn't take a break but since DS is settling in, surely it makes sense for her either to take her break before or after he has his v short session on his own OR she suggests I come with DS a bit later, after she has her break.
I am lurching between angry and thinking that i'm being fussy and over-protective. I need to find some kind of childcare solution and I want to be realistic about what is normal but at the same time I'm feeling unsettled. I have 3 more sessions of leaving him for increasing amounts of time before he starts 2 days a week but at the moment I can't imagine leaving him there. Since the carers in the nursery aren't very forthcoming do I talk to the boss and say I have some concerns or will that just annoy the carers that look after DS? Help!

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FrayedKnot · 10/10/2007 20:18

I don't think this sounds great tbh.

Is it a very big nursery? What did you think about it in other respects? How did you think the staff handled the other children when you were watching them?

I agree I think if your DS is settling in, you would expect his keyworker to be there the whole time, at least observing anyway, so she can tell YOU how he's settling in!!! And also, presumably, to start forming a bond with him.

Do you have any alternatives?

RubyShivers · 10/10/2007 20:24

not a good start by any means
FWIW the key worker should be present for the entire sessions
it is not acceptable to say everything is ok, when it isn't - if the carers aren't forthcoming then they aren't doing their job
There are going to be tears - your DS is going to have to adjust to a new environment but crying until he is sick clearly indicating his distress
TBH i would be raising your concerns with the boss and looking for a different nursery
sorry - sounds like a tough day for you all

chankins · 10/10/2007 20:34

You're not being fussy or over-protective, and do not worry about annoying the carers who look after your DS. it is their job to reassure you and instil confidence that they are caring for your child as you wish. I would say try another session and if you still have these concerns speck to the manager - it is so annoying when staff are not forthcoming - I'm a CM so admit this may sound biased, but if you continue to feel uneasy maybe look into the possibility of leaving him with a CM. He would get lots of one to one care, and the CM has much more time to sit and chat with you about his wellbeing and any concerns you have. Just a thought.

Megsdaughter · 10/10/2007 20:35

Have you thought of a CM instaed, 11 months is young to be in a nursery enviroment IMO, (I am a CM so biased, but have also worked in nurseries) just feel thet a good CM is preferable at that age.

hewlettsdaughter · 10/10/2007 20:37

I suppose it is poss that he got so worked up today because he has only been left with family before now. He is used to you calming him but not the nursery workers.

It is a shame that the keyworker wasn't there the whole time though. Of course they have to have breaks - but as you say, perhaps they could have arranged for you to visit at a more convenient time.

LEMONADEGIRL · 14/10/2007 17:50

Poor you, it is hard enough leaving them at nursery and to find him so upset.

Does seem odd that key worker not around for session. Was everything else okay with the nursery?

I had teething problems with ds and nursery and ended up having to talk to the manager, all ended up okay. If you have concerns address them and put your mind at rest. You are not being fussy just a concerned mother, which if they are a good nursery, they will understand

hewlettsdaughter · 16/10/2007 22:09

tik73 - how are things going?

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