Nursery - am I expecting too much?

[Mmsnet101]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if I'm being a bit precious or not so outside opinions welcome.

DD started nursery for the first time last week, she's 11m. We registered her when she was a newborn and visited etc then, she was due to start in May but that was delayed due to Covid.

The nursery is brand new but part of a local chain who have 3 highly reviewed ones in the local area. Obviously settling in sessions were different due to Covid, but they said they had a specific sanitised room available that they would use and I'd spend the hour there with DD and keyworker, then next day leave her for 2hrs etc and build up. But when I arrived they basically said no it's a parents room so I can wait there 10mins if I want and then just took DD off me and into the room. I waited 10mins and nobody came and said anything to went out to find the manager and keyworker, manager was out and keyworker said just speak to them at the end of the session. At the end of the session I expressed I wasn't sure about the situation, they knew nothing about DD in terms of allergies and routine etc and surely it should all be covered 1st. Turns out I hadn't got half the paperwork I was supposed to when we registered her originally but they thought I had had it all. Fine. Still didn't take any info about routine etc down.

The next day I said I'd prefer 10mins with keyworker to get to know her /see how she is with DD and talk through her routine etc. She listened and asked me to write a couple of things down, but it was lead by me.

Shes now been to 6 sessions, 3 full days. I've not got access to the system yet where they log the child's info each day etc.

On the first full day DD came home with a bruised eye, another baby had hit her in the face with a xylophone. Accident form was passed to me to sign so that was fine and accidents happen, but they sort of expected I'd just sign it without reading it over first.

She normally naps 3hrs a day across 2 naps. First full day she didn't nap at all. 2nd day she had 45mins, 3rd day she's had an hour. They say it breezily like it's not a big deal and don't want to go into details so I feel like I'm being OTT when I'm asking what they've tried etc. She goes down well at home and I'm not so hung up on the specific timings of the naps but I think it should be more of a concern for them that she's only getting an hour tops when she should be getting 3.

The nursery manager has announced she's leaving after 8yrs with the company, to go into teaching. She's leaving next week. Today she sent an email chasing fees, but emailed specific parents without Bcc'ing. When I responded I asked to be Bcc'd next time as I don't consent to other parents having my email address. She replied but ignored this part.

They provide 'nutritious meals' for the babies but I've not seen or been given any info about what she's eating and how many bottles, just that she 'ate well' today. Unless I ask for more info then that's it.

Am I being too precious or is this not acceptable? DD seems to really enjoy being at nursery and happily goes with her keyworker, but she's a happy laid back baby who can't speak so who knows.

Covid has changed being able to come in and settle your baby. We aren’t allowing parents into the main baby room now whereas usually we’d have allowed a parent to stay for a bit if they felt they needed to.

However all paper work should have been completed, especially contact numbers and allergies/health issues. You should have had a chance to let someone know about your babies routine too - knowing when naps are taken, if they need comforters and when bottles are due are essentials to help them settle. You should have also been told who the key person is. We give baby room parents a communication diary as well as Tapestry (online journal).

In our diary we put details such as what they’ve enjoyed doing that day, what they’ve eaten and what time bottle and naps have been among other stuff. Accidents will be fairly common which is why the staff likely seemed a little unconcerned about the accident form but take the time you need to read and question it.

Naps will likely be unlike home, at least initially. Some of our babies sleep better at nursery and some don’t sleep at all despite having a couple hours at home usually. In the early days your baby will be likely over stimulated and find it hard to relax like they do at home.

Also speak to or email the Room leader or management team to discuss concerns straight away so they can be resolved, rather than worrying about them.

Not OTT, I would be taking my daughter out and looking for somewhere else. The fact the nursery manager is leaving rings alarm bells to me.

I've had 2 dc go through nursery from baby room to pre-school, you're not being precious op I'd be looking elsewhere asap. My youngest is in pre-school now and the nursery's standards haven't dropped despite the coronavirus. Good luck

As someone who works in nurseries, I think you're being fair.

I don't think the amount of time you've used the nursery is enough to get a true picture as there will be misunderstandings - especially during a pandemic and settling children back in - things will be different than usual in the nursery.

I also wouldn't be overly concerned about the accident (which you're not) unless this happens often and they don't give you the time to read through it/explain.

And I want to point out that it's not unlikely that naps will be all over the place at this point. We usually try to get children for their naps based around their home routine, but it doesn't always go so smoothly when they're new. It's a new environment that the baby isn't used to sleeping in, so they might not settle down so easily. There's also a lot more going on than at home. Give it time. They should form a good routine that works for baby and you once she's fully settled.

But you're absolutely right to be concerned about the lack of info they asked from you and the lack of time spent communicating with you while she was settling in.
It can be hard to do but they should make the time. You're the main carer and should be involved as far a possible. It will be very hard to hand over your child to people you've spent such a lack of time with and have failed to reassure you.

The lack of feedback could be due to lack of time at the moment or just lack of concern for you. It could be just that they don't know you. For some parents 'they slept and ate well' is enough and they hurry out the door. Once they know you they will hopefully realise you actually want more detail.

I say approach her key worker and say something along the lines of 'I know she's happy with you so you must be doing a good job. But this is new to me so it's hard to leave her here. I would really love some more detailed and regular information about her day - I think that would be reassuring - is there a way we can do this?'
Hopefully they will deal well with that. If not, speak with the manager. If all else fails I would reconsider the nursery.

I'm glad DD is happy there, that's a good sign and a good start. I hope everything is a misunderstanding that will be easily solved. Good luck!