Nursery - am I expecting too much?

[Mmsnet101]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if I'm being a bit precious or not so outside opinions welcome.

DD started nursery for the first time last week, she's 11m. We registered her when she was a newborn and visited etc then, she was due to start in May but that was delayed due to Covid.

The nursery is brand new but part of a local chain who have 3 highly reviewed ones in the local area. Obviously settling in sessions were different due to Covid, but they said they had a specific sanitised room available that they would use and I'd spend the hour there with DD and keyworker, then next day leave her for 2hrs etc and build up. But when I arrived they basically said no it's a parents room so I can wait there 10mins if I want and then just took DD off me and into the room. I waited 10mins and nobody came and said anything to went out to find the manager and keyworker, manager was out and keyworker said just speak to them at the end of the session. At the end of the session I expressed I wasn't sure about the situation, they knew nothing about DD in terms of allergies and routine etc and surely it should all be covered 1st. Turns out I hadn't got half the paperwork I was supposed to when we registered her originally but they thought I had had it all. Fine. Still didn't take any info about routine etc down.

The next day I said I'd prefer 10mins with keyworker to get to know her /see how she is with DD and talk through her routine etc. She listened and asked me to write a couple of things down, but it was lead by me.

Shes now been to 6 sessions, 3 full days. I've not got access to the system yet where they log the child's info each day etc.

On the first full day DD came home with a bruised eye, another baby had hit her in the face with a xylophone. Accident form was passed to me to sign so that was fine and accidents happen, but they sort of expected I'd just sign it without reading it over first.

She normally naps 3hrs a day across 2 naps. First full day she didn't nap at all. 2nd day she had 45mins, 3rd day she's had an hour. They say it breezily like it's not a big deal and don't want to go into details so I feel like I'm being OTT when I'm asking what they've tried etc. She goes down well at home and I'm not so hung up on the specific timings of the naps but I think it should be more of a concern for them that she's only getting an hour tops when she should be getting 3.

The nursery manager has announced she's leaving after 8yrs with the company, to go into teaching. She's leaving next week. Today she sent an email chasing fees, but emailed specific parents without Bcc'ing. When I responded I asked to be Bcc'd next time as I don't consent to other parents having my email address. She replied but ignored this part.

They provide 'nutritious meals' for the babies but I've not seen or been given any info about what she's eating and how many bottles, just that she 'ate well' today. Unless I ask for more info then that's it.

Am I being too precious or is this not acceptable? DD seems to really enjoy being at nursery and happily goes with her keyworker, but she's a happy laid back baby who can't speak so who knows.

If that was me I'd be pretty livid. But ds hasn't started yet so I'm not sure how normal this is.

How big is the nursery? The ones near me are small and seem lovely and personal. I'd look elsewhere if you can.

And maybe tell all this to them?

Our CM very kindly offered to fill out a notepad at the end of each day so that we knew exactly what our two toddlers had been up to that day, how much they’d eaten, nappy changes and naps. I’m not sure a key worker would have time to do that in a nursery setting?

I’m pretty lax but I do like to know some basics about what they’ve been doing all day!

some of it sounds pretty standard sadly for many nurseries other things like you not being told what's she's eaten etc are odd yet they are telling you how long she naps.
id say the bap issue on itself isn't a concern as it's a different environment and they can devote time to getting her to sleep like you would.
I think you need to meet with them

I think there’s parts that are more of a concern than others.
I’d not be too fussed about the naps. Nursery is a completely different environment to home. Both mine napped less at nursery than at home as there was more going on and he didn’t want to miss out.
Food wise - before Covid there was always a menu up for that parents could look at as the child was picked up. Now we sometimes get told and not others. If it bothered me I’d ask.
Accident form wise it depends on whether they talked you through it or not. I don’t generally read them as I’m verbally told.
I can’t remember meeting the key worker before. And wouldn’t expect it now with Covid. But that relationship will form as you meet them at hand overs. I had a form to fill in about routine but barely completed it for the youngest as they fit in with us.
You should have access set up on the system - I’d speak to the manager about it.
You should also always be bcc’d into emails. That’s not great.
So I think you are being a bit OTT but you are leaving your child there and should be happy. Speak to them about it. But it might not be the nursery for you.

It sounds a bit lax, but perhaps they're under more pressure now since Covid? Not that that's an excuse.

My daughter started at 2 so I can't comment about the baby room at her nursery, but the first settling in session consisted of me form filling while she was getting used to the place. I filled out a whole 'about me' booklet, detailing allergies, contact details etc but mostly things like, who her family members are, favourite things to do/things she doesn't like, favourite books etc. Every day all children receive a form listing what was eaten and how much, the time of when they had their nappy changed and what they did, what they enjoyed that day and what time and how long they slept for. I think this is fairly standard for nurseries as, far as I'm aware.

My DD just started nursery too and some of this is familiar. I wasn't allowed inside the nursery at all, I had to leave her at the door. They also weren't interested in her routine and haven't allocated a keyworker (although shes only there 2 days). And there were also gaps in the paperwork.

I'm giving some leeway because I know covid has been a nightmare for them and made their lives a lot harder. I also in hindsight don't think her normal routine matters much at nursery because the babies have to fit into the nurserys routine (to an extent) not the other way around. DD has a completely different routine at home to at nursery but it seems to work for them and her so I've let them get on with it. So I wouldn't get too hung up on that.

What I don't think is great is their attitude to sharing information with you, they should be able to give you clear info about what she's eaten and done during the day. And the lapse in data protection isn't great either. I would have a serious conversation about information sharing, give them a chance to improve but if there's no progress look at alternatives.

That all sounds sub standard to me. It’s not in Oakham by any chance? I rejected a nursery there which sounded similar. Rest of chain excellent but their newest one a sack of shit

I agree with PP, some parts sound not so bad and others I wouldn’t be happy about. My DS is down to start nursery in October and I already have access to their online system. They really need to step up their communication. If you feel you need to know things, such as food, then ask. I wouldn’t care if I seemed pushy, I need to know when my child last ate and how much do I know when next to feed him.
Maybe speak to the new manager when they start and raise your concerns. Hopefully they will come in with fresh eyes and improve things.

I’d have my baby out of there immediately.
The attitude to safety with regards to allergies says a lot.
And poor communication is dangerous.
I’d definitely be out.

Most of that sounds awful but the napping sounds standard, they can't try everything to make your baby sleep when there are other kids to look after. If it helps, my DD did 30 minutes when she first started and now does 2 hours (normal for her, in fact better than at home).

I would expect to have access to the app/log/whatever system they use, see what the menu was each day, have a keyworker, read through an accident form. DD's nursery also took a full personal history of her favourite books, songs, routines, likes, dislikes, allergies, etc.

I wouldn’t be happy with this, but it might be that you get access to all the information regarding food, nappies, activities, etc once you can access the online system. My DD had a book at her nursery that was updated every day with what she ate, when nappies were changed, when she slept and what she played with. Her key worker would go through it all with me when I collected her. She hasn’t gone back to nursery since Covid, but I’m pretty sure they’ve moved it all onto an online system now.

When she first started I provided lots of information about her routines and preferences, and in her first settling in session I was asked most of those questions again by her key worker.

I think it’s hard when children start at nursery, particularly babies, because you suddenly have these huge blank spots in your knowledge of how they spend their days when previously you knew everything. It’s part of the reason that it’s so important you feel confident and secure with the people who are looking after your baby, which it doesn’t sound like you do at the moment.

this nursery isn't in the Leeds area is it OP?? sounds pretty dire. i wouldn't want my child there.

We get a sheet daily with what child has eaten, how many nappy changes and what naps they've had. I find it really useful and wouldn't like to not know that information. Wouldn't necessarily expect a meeting with a KW if I'd passed on written information already.

Can't believe you sent her back!

Find somewhere else

At DC’s nursery in the Baby Room they had a book in which they recorded wet/dry nappies/bottles and how many oz of milk if they had them/how much eaten at each meal/nap lengths/activities, and when you collected them the key worker would go through this with you. Before each child started I met with the key worker, and went through all that info, although I appreciate things would be different with Covid.

It’s not great that you had to chase up the forms, and they really should know about allergies etc! DD is at a different nursery now and they were a bit more casual - I did have to initiate a chat about something before she started which I felt should have been covered - but she was almost 3 at this point and her brother was at the adjoining school so she knew some of the staff by sight - I think when they’re babies you want total reassurance.

OP - if you're not happy (and it sounds like you're not) I'd start looking for a new nursery.

My baby started a few weeks ago at nursery, its strange times to be starting now as we have to hand over at the gate and can't go into the building.

She doesn't sleep as well when there and doesn't eat as much, but it is a huge change for her and she's still getting used to it.

I'm lucky in that my son also went to that nursery and the staff in the baby room are the same, I can imagine its tough when you don't know the staff and you can't spend time in the nursery doing settling in sessions.

I would say as a minimum you should be told everyday what they ate and how much, when they slept, how many nappies changes, bottles etc. We get given a sheet of paper with this info on.

I would be concerned that they didn't ask about allergies and routines.

Thanks all this is really helpful. I'm normally quite laid back but obviously covid has meant I've been with DD 24/7 so I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable or not!

I'm going to push for access to the system tomorrow and hopefully the communication improves from there.

It's not in Oakham or Leeds, I'm in Scotland.

Also surprised by how many parents weren't wearing masks etc for drop offs and pickup, not required by the nursery but to me it seems like the perfect opportunity to spread the virus so I'm wearing one each time and being careful about hand sanitising etc.

I'd be a upset by their lack of asking about things like allergies and how to comfort her if she's upset. You should at least get a daily handover sheet or access to a system with the info - I've always been given details of what they ate, nappy changes and who did them, what time they napped and took bottles and what they did all day

I think some things are fine. Like naps, i'm sure your baby is just excited by a new environment so it's understandable she isn't sleeping. Also, she will probably be expected to fit into the nursery routine so I'm not sure they'd be concerned with her home routine.

Ask if there is somewhere you can observe from outside the room for a few minutes after drop off. I find it really reassuring to see the way the staff interact after dropping my little ones off.

no sorry, not acceptable.

i would be finding somewhere else.

accidents do happen, its upsetting regardless even an accident. But the rest just sounds shoddy

Ah I don't like the way they don't share information as well as you would like.

DD started nursery in January at 9 months old and had 3 visits prior - the first was an initial visit where we met her key worker, filled in paperwork and forms about routine, if we were happy with her being cuddled in to sleep or if she was upset, feeding, naps, bottles etc, and visits 2 and 3 were for her to play in the room and I sat at reception with a cuppa and they put the room she was in on the tv screen for me to watch which was lovely.

Prior to Covid she would go in every day and we would pass anything on verbally but I would also write it in her home/nursery book, and similarly they would fill the book in at the end of each day about how many bottles and oz's, what she'd had to eat for each meal and how she managed and how much she ate, and nappies and naps. There's also a private parents Facebook group where photos are posted of the different rooms and activities and any information is shared such as raffles, closures etc. They also email us and we're all BCC'd

She hasn't been to nursery since March and won't be back until September purely because I'm WFH so I've kept her off so we aren't paying the fees (were expecting DD2 in November) but the newsletter and email we had stated that if she was back now, parents are given a designated drop off and pick up time slot, can't go inside the nursery - only to the designated door to hand the child over, and any information to be passed on has to be done over email or a phone call to nursery. Home/nursery books have stopped and we can have a Facebook message, email or phone call a day but to try and limit this to one per parent, and the weekly menu will be emailed out rather than being stuck on the doors

This sounds terrible. I'm a childminder. I fill in detailed paperwork before a child starts including allergies, routines, likes and dislikes, development info, etc.

I take time to chat to parents. Doesn't this nursery have an outdoor area? That's what I am doing for new parents, garden chats. I know as a mum I would want to get a feel for the person spending all day with my baby, it's not an unreasonable ask.

The naps isn't a major worry she may nap more as she settles in further but being vague about how they have tried etc is odd. Her keyworker should know what was tried and what wasn't.

The bruising is a concern to me too tbh. Especially as they were so blasé about it. I'd be concerned about ratios really. They are small in a baby room for good reason. A head injury to a baby is actually a major safeguarding red flag!!

I don't say it lightly to pull a child out of a setting, I generally always encourage parents to try and work through issues but for me these are very worrying things. Personally I'd pull my child out and log a safeguarding complaint with ofsted.

I’m really surprised by this, I used three childcare settings and found the information they gave me a bit OTT. The first childminder once documented a fart as she thought my daughter was constipated but wanted to let me know her bowels were working 🤣.
Does she seem happy to go?

Not good enough IMO. My little boy is 2 now and been at his nursery for a year (with a gap due to COVID)
I still get a daily debrief at pick up time. What he's done that day, what he enjoyed, how many nappies (including whether wet or dirty), what he's eaten and how long he's slept for. It's all in an individual book for each child and you can take it home each night if you want to or leave it in their locker.
Settle sessions included then getting to know his likes and dislikes, any tricks to cheer him if he's being a bit grumpy, what are his interests. They did say they'd stick to nap time as much as possible but often kids fall into the rhythm of the nursery and that's what happened and it works fine for us.
There is an online platform too which they use for pictures and details about anything they've loved. That's not daily though, about once every week or so.
If I were you, I'd start looking for somewhere else.
You need to be comfortable with where you're leaving your DC