Abuse at pre school?

[Iris1990]

Hi everyone. I’m aware that this is probably going to sound crazy but...
I’m terrified of sending my children to nursery/preschool in case someone hurts them.

I was sexually abused as a child which I assume is probably the reason for me being so overprotective with my children. It doesn’t affect my life except for the fact that I cannot let anyone look after my children except family members.
I have been a stay at home mum to them since birth (they are 2.5 and 17 months) and they’re rarely ever away from me. My eldest is due to start preschool in January 21 and I would like my youngest to start nursery too so that I could working again and have a bit of time away from them (as much as I love them, I really need something in my life that isn’t children and housework). I also would love them to go so they can mix with other children and play, I know they would love it.

My problem is, I just CANNOT bear the thought of leaving them with someone who I can’t trust. When I leave them there, anything could happen and they can’t tell me what’s been done to them.
While they’re with me or family, I can 100% guarantee that they’ve never been harmed, but I can’t if they’ve been to nursery 😫
I haven’t considered sending them before they’re toilet trained as the thought of someone taking my child’s nappy off and looking at them is too much for me to bear (I’m almost crying just thinking about it). My eldest is toilet trained but my youngest isn’t.
I know how ridiculous this sounds and I am embarrassed for being so over the top. I feel like every time I pick them up, I’ll be looking at them and wondering if anything’s happened while I haven’t been there to protect them.
Can someone help put things into perspective please?
How do you find out what their safety procedures are? If someone is suspicious of their colleague, will they raise it with someone? How will I know whether the people working there are going to care for them properly?
I don’t want this to affect their lives by holding them back but this is all new to me.
Thanks in advance

Your feelings are very understandable. Some nurseries have policies that no one is ever alone with a child (it's not practical for all of them), so maybe ask around. I am a childminder and I appreciate that you might not consider a lone working childminder, but some also work with one or two others.

Settings won't mind you asking these questions. Good luck.

Oh lovely, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Have you had counselling for this? I would recommend finding someone you like to help you through this. A GP can make a referral or hopefully someone will come along with some organisations who can help. I think you need to deal with this root or the issues of fear and letting your children be independent will hamper your relationship with them.
Re your child and nursery, can you go with some recommendations? Visit and go with guy instincts. Ask questions. All staff will have to have a DBS check.
All the best

Can you start by leaving children with a trusted friend, and building things up. Look around nursery,s talk to the staff. AS I am sure you know abuse is more likely in families that may not help but it,s just to put perspective on things..

Your fear for your children comes from a very deep place and is entirely understandable, it also comes from a very deep love and of course you want to protect your children.

When viewing nurseries, you will get a "feel" for them - this helps a lot. You can talk to them about their safeguarding, ask them about staff (where do they recruit from, what turnover is like, how much training staff undertake). A good nursery will be able to answer all your questions. You can also ask around for recommendations and experiences from other parents.

Once you find a good nursery it becomes part of your "trusted network". You and your children will build a relationship with your nursery and it can be very rewarding.

Good luck, it's a big step for you and your children, I hope you find a good setting that helps put your mind at ease

A friend of mine went back to work 2 days a week from when they were 1 but used grandparent care initially and then once they could talk used preschool too so they could say if something was wrong.

Look at the safeguarding policy, whistle blowing policy. Ask questions. I am a nursery practitioner and it is part of my job and I have a duty of care to protect the children I look after. Safeguarding is taken very seriously in early years with mandatory training on all safeguarding matters. Look through ofsted reports and see what it says about the safety of the setting. Safeguarding children is the very basic foundation of our work. First a child has to feel safe before they can achieve anything. I understand this must be hard but have you had councilling

i think in your situation, I would use a nursery apposed to a childminder.

I prefer nursery settings, they associate with kids their own age, always more than 1 practitioner in the room. Never taken in another room alone for nappy changes etc
feels more structured.

im sorry about what happened to you OP

i think in your situation, I would use a nursery apposed to a childminder.

I prefer nursery settings, they associate with kids their own age, always more than 1 practitioner in the room. Never taken in another room alone for nappy changes etc
feels more structured.

im sorry about what happened to you OP

@carly2803

i think in your situation, I would use a nursery apposed to a childminder.

I prefer nursery settings, they associate with kids their own age, always more than 1 practitioner in the room. Never taken in another room alone for nappy changes etc
feels more structured.

im sorry about what happened to you OP

You will have to ask individual nurseries about their policies and lay outs - certainly I have worked in several nurseries where there is frequent lone working and children taken alone to the toilet/for nappy changes.

AS with Sandi.

Wow, thanks for all your replies everyone. I think just voicing how I was feeling and reading everyone’s replies has made me feel a bit better so thank you all.

I think I’ve just spent the last 2 and a half years viewing nursery workers as potential abusers and it’s all built up in my head to be something it’s not. And as a nursery worker, the child’s safety is the most important thing and they will be trained to look for signs that anything is going on, which I’m assuming would include their colleagues and would act if they saw anything suspicious.

I’ve got a lovely nursery/preschool down the road from me that’s got great reviews and has been recommended to me by a couple of people. I’m going to go and ask them all the questions I have to help me feel better and then I’ll just have to bite the bullet and let them go.

As I said, I know they would love it so I’m sure when I see how happy they are there, I’ll be able to let go of these feelings. I haven’t had any counselling before, I have confided in my partner about my past. Maybe it’s something I could face in the future.

Thanks again for all your lovely replies x

I think you maybe surprised at how much better you feel after counselling it's a safe place to discuss your feelings and fears. Glad your feeling in a better place to look at a nursery it will be so good for all of you to give the children do some space.