How many of you never use nurseries childminders etc and wait until your child is old enough for pre school?

[McDreamy]

Just wondering as my local creche has changed it's opening times and you can now only have 4 hour sessions (DS used to go for a 2 hour session twice a week). I really don't want him to go for 4 hours but I am now worried that he will be "missing out" but is that possible at 2? Surely all the stimulation he needs is at home from his sister and DH and me?

Thanks for reading this far, think I might be over analysing it all tbh I've clearly got too much time on my hands

i didn't say it was an argument for that anna.

but I know a lot of parents who wish they'd had some childcare before the age of 3, such was the "adjustment" (ie no end in sight) period for their child.

lots of nurseries (ie from 6 mths to 5 years) call themselves pre-school.

i went to a school nursery when I was 3 and loved it. not all children do.

I was 4 when I started school

Bundle - and I know parents who deeply regret putting their children in daycare/pre-school/nursery/whatever you like to call it before they were ready as it caused so much trauma that it set the children up for recurrent beginning-of-term trauma - ie parents who wished they'd waited longer, even longer perhaps than age 3.

Children become ready for group care at vastly different ages IME. And just as some adults love being in the company of others and as students spend their life at the library and as adults adore open plan offices, others are more solitary/home-loving. It's innate.

My ds started pre-school at 2.6 he was ready & loved it he started on 2 mornings of 2.5 hrs then went to 3 mornings within a few months.

The term after he was 3 he went in for 5 mornings of 2.5 hrs & has never looked back, he has just started "big school" today & i had no problems he loved it there.

However i am not sure about dd as i think she is very different & may find it hard, she is quite shy but otherwise loves mixing with other children.

anna, the parents or the children?

innate?

bundle - yes, parents who regret putting their children into childcare too early because of the separation trauma they incurred. It's quite common, you know

My 11 year old had a place at nursery at age 3 but hated it. I changed nursery and he hated that too. He just liked being at home. I still sent him sometimes, which I told him (and everybody else) was for his own good, but looking back it was for me! There I've said it.... so shoot me.

why "thunk" at innate....sorry, if I am being thick here...

anna

parents = traumatised

i meant

not the children

but of course the parents/childcare won't have any impact on the child if it's all innate

btw...all my children went to Nursery /Creche earlier then 3....and don't think any of them were harmed...but, yes, the reason I out them in at that age was for me....to have some time by myself, or time alone with a younger sibling, etc....!

caroline a lot of them hate school too

i suspect we may become a nation of Timothys (remember Sorry!?) with all the parents fretting (a la Furedi's Paranoid parenting)

Every child is different, every home situation is different....I don't think there's a right and wrong answer here. For my own children, DS1 was at a CM, from the age of 7 months until 2y3m (when I went on maternity leave for DS2) He didn't go into any other child care situation until he started the school Nursery at 3y6m and he was fine....but then again, so was DS2 whose first experience was at 3y3m when he also started school Nursery. I expect DD will be the same next week when she starts Nursery For my own experience, I was in ful time Nursery from the age of 2, until I started school as my mum worked full time. I barely remember it, so I don't think it made any difference one way or the other.

Bundle

Obviously I meant the children were traumatised, not the parents.

And the innate issue is that of wanting to be at home/with your primary carer versus coping in a group - the age at which children are ready for that is largely innate, some children can manage much earlier and for much longer periods than others. You just have to try to work out when your child is ready and won't be traumatised by an early separation.

DS1 starts school next week and hasn't attended a nursery/preschool at all for the last year or so (he used to attend two mornings a week, but always hated it, so I jacked it in). It will be interesting to see how he responds to school, but so far he is very enthusiastic about the idea, which I doubt would have been the case if he had continued to attend nursery against his will. Of course, we're lucky in that I can afford to stay at home and earn a minimal amount (working in the evenings and at weekends). DS2 is 2 and a half, and as yet hasn't attended any nursery/preschool. I will consider putting him in for one IF I think he is ready for it - if not, we will just wait until he starts Reception too.

Hijacking the thread slightly, but I remember one old battleaxe woman at my son's nursery (left-wing parent with Birkenstocks) complaining that I was upsetting the balance of the class by not using the place very much. I told her I was doing her child a favour by reducing the teacher/child ratio for the sessions when my son was absent. Actually I think it was none of her business and have often wished in retrospect that I had told her so. It was fee paying.

dd is 3.8 is about to start nursery school. Up till now she's been at home full time with her dad. Dont feel she's missed out on anything at all by not going to nursery. She goes to no formal playgroups (cos dp would run a mile at the thought) or lessons either cos we cant afford them. But she goes out at least once everyday regardless of the weather to the park, playground, for a cycle etc and interacts very well with other kids and adults

thanks Pistachio. My experience of a "group setting" couldn't be further from what the Daily Mail et al scream at us all about every few months. It's been invaluable. We had some terrible news about the death of one of the children at dd2's nursery this week. the professional and loving way the carers talked to the children about it in an age appropriate way to the children (whilst also supporting the parents) has left me totally in awe of their dedication (despite being in what is still a pretty low paid job) and compassion.

Oh and I do enjoy work. And I enjoy being at home.

anna
"largely innate"
= guff

bundle - do you really believe that all children are ready for group childcare at the same age?

i really believe that most parents aren't ready for it. at any age.

I think ds is due for 12.5 hours of free nursery in January (the first full term after his third birthday in November).

I've made a few idle enquiries about nurseries, but I'm not sweating it, tbh. If they call me in October (as both promised), and they have vacancies, then he can go to one of them ... but I certainly wouldn't pay for the privilege

If not, he can just wait for school. I like hanging out with him. He plays all day, discovers the world at his own pace, and he's a happy, sociable kid.

McDreamy
My DS is 2, and won't go to pre-school until he's three
I don't think your DS will miss out by not going
I think pistachio put it well, and quite tactfully since it seems to be difficult to discuss any issues surrounding the use of childcare for small children without offending someone
I have the luxury of sharing childcare with DP though, else I would probably have packed DS off to a childminder some time ago

Well, I'd agree with you there bundle - I always hated leaving DS1 at nursery, which doubtless affected his attitude towards it. But I think it's a bit harsh to say that Anna is talking 'guff' about innate differences. Some children are more sociable at a younger age than others.

Well, as for parents being ready - I am. My daughter (2.10) starts pre-school on Friday and I can't wait... and nor can she