How to aid settling in at nursery

[IDontDrinkTea]

Hello.

My dd is 11 months and has been going to trial sessions at nursery before I go back to work next month. They’ve only been for two hours. The problem is she’s so unhappy when she’s there. She cries as soon as we arrive in the building now, and even if I manage to get her settled she cries the second I let go of her hand / put her down. Her key worker says she has continued to cry until she cries herself to sleep through exhaustion. She’s then woken up and cried until she’s collected and the two hours are up. They’ve said nothing seems to cheer her up really. They play with her, try and feed her, offer her water, take her outside, give her cuddles.

Today they were saying perhaps her trials need to be shorter, and that some babies just aren’t well suited to nursery. But I’m very aware I go back to work soon and she’ll have to be there 7:30-5 three days a week, and if she can’t manage two hours I’m not sure how that’s going to go!!

Has anyone got any ideas of how I can help her settle, or some stories of how your little ones managed? Please tell me it’ll get better

OK so back to work next month. So you have a few weeks to really dedicate to these trial sessions. I would start with just staying and playing with her. Then staying and getting her settled on the floor playing with something and staying in the car park for 5 mins then coming back in. Slowly increase.

Also work on saying goodbye when you're at home. When you leave a room, say bye bye and wave with a smile. Then come back and say hello. She needs to learn that bye bye means you will go but then you will come back. So anytime you leave her make sure you say bye bye and get and wave so she grows confidence that you will come back.

It is a hard age to start nursery as its peak separation anxiety time but if you are going back it can't be avoided. So hopefully the nursery is willing to work with you with lots of extra settling in sessions!

My DD was 10.5 months when she started back in October. We couldn’t do as many settling sessions as id have liked as she was poorly so the max time she had been there was 2 hours before she started properly.

She was upset at the settling sessions and upset at drop off for the first 2 weeks but then we slowly started seeing a improvement. I’d say it took 4-6 weeks before I felt she was properly settled and now she is happy to be there every day, smiles and waves bye bye to me every morning etc.

The first few weeks are really hard but it does get easier. PPs advice is good about saying hello and bye bye at home, does she ever get left with anyone else regularly? Her Dad or grandparents? If not then just slowly build up time spent away from you and she’ll soon start to get used to it. It is a big adaption for them so it does take a little time. I would also suggest not hanging around at drop off, even if upset. It feels the wrong thing to do but make drop off quick and fuss free. You hanging around trying to settle her will likely make it worse as strange as that sounds.

Hello OP,

I posted about something similar a few weeks ago, DD started settling at nursery first week of January and then began two full days a week a fortnight later. First few days we had lots and lots of tears, I was so worried she wouldn't get used to it. Nursery phoned one day to let us know how upset she was and nothing would calm her.

Anyway, six weeks in and she is loving it. No tears at all and she has a lovely relationship with her key worker. It might just take more time, but we also did lots and lots of talking to her about nursery, explaining what she'd be doing when she's there etc. DD is only 13 months but we were told it would all be going in! We also gave her a fav toy from home to take in and explained how she'd have to look after bear at nursery. It might also help if there's something she likes from nursery she could take home and then bring back. A bit of home at nursery and a bit of nursery at home was the advice we were given. Now when we ask if she's looking forward to nursery or had a good day she's all smiles. Good luck!

I would probably suggest doing a few longer sessions if possible? Are you doing the sessions one after the other or leaving a few days?

If you don't do them close enough together they almost forget the settling they did a few days ago and have to start again. Also, a longer period will just allow more time for her to build bonds with the staff (maybe half a day?). It is a tricky age with separation anxiety but she will come through it eventually.

The first weeks are hard for all of you. The key is your baby getting to know and trust the staff at the nursery. Once they know them and feel confident they will be cared for they start relaxing and enjoying themselves.