To put 2 year old in nursery before or after the arrival of a new sibling

[Midorimomo]

My daughter has just turned 2 and I am expecting my second baby in early May.

She is due to start pre school in the Autumn when the baby will be 4 months old.

We have tried a few settling in sessions another local nursery (the pre school won't take her until she is 2.5 but we want her to go there as it feeds into our local and very much in demand primary school) but she was inconsolable for the entire time she was left there.

She is very confident and sociable when we attend toddler groups, music and swimming where she loves spending time with other children. She also has two days with family when I work.

My gut tells me to wait until the autumn as I don't think she's quite ready for nursery right now but I was hoping to see what other people's experiences were of this situation.

How was it sending an older sibling to Preschool after the birth or a new brother or sister?

Do you wish you had done it sooner?

Any replies are much appreciated.

If you send her before how long will she be there for before baby arrives? If say only a month then I think that is too many changes in one go. But then if she has to start say a month after baby is here then she may feel pushed out! So really I'm no help there lol hopefully someone else comes along!

Is she started now it would be 3 months before the arrival of the baby and if she started after it would be when the baby was 4 months old.

I would say definitely before - I can imagine her feeling she has been sent away because of the new baby otherwise.

I agree with shiny and would go for before.

If she isn't ready I would wait. Also if you are going to move her again in Sept, you will have to resettle her. I think starting 4 months after you have the baby is long enough not to feel pushed out.

If you don't need her to go to nursery for childcare reasons, personally I wouldn't send her to either setting until she was three, i.e. the year before she starts school. It sounds like she's getting plenty of stimulation and social opportunities already. I also think that settling her into one nursery when she's not quite ready, then moving her to another setting a couple of months later sounds quite unsettling for her.

Definitely wait until autumn. It’ll be better all round.
Mine started preschool when little brother was 5 months old and it worked perfectly.
Sounds like she’s not ready yet, a new sibling and starting childcare are both massive changes. Enjoy your last moments of time together.

I would (and did!) wait. I had such a lovely time with ds1 before ds2 was born. I look back and smile at how special it was. Ds1 was due to start pre school the day ds2 was born! He loved it from the start, which I found so strange as he never took to previous attempts at nursery.

It's how upset she got (and stayed) when I left. She's not usually like that at all when I leave her and over the past few days she's been much more clingy to me, even around her dad who she adores.

Thank you for your replies. It's really encouraging to hear from people who have been through this and not just be working with hypotheticals!

It depends how you are coping the late stage of pregnancy.

I was fine so I kept my 18 month old at home and enjoyed our last few weeks together.

He started nursery when his baby sister was 3 months old. After a few weeks of adjustment, he is now really enjoying it.

I should add - my son went through a clingy phase during the pregnancy, then cooled off when his sister was born, then became really clingy in the first weeks at nursery. Now he’s settled down and is just normal again.

Keep dc home for now by the time the baby is 4m it'll be the new normal for him and maybe he'll be old enough (though maybe not)

I’d wait. She may take a couple months to fully settle than be straight into the upheaval a new sibling will bring. They enjoy nursery more when they are nearer to age 3 as a general rule as they start seeking our peers more from them.