14 month old came home from nursery after getting soaked and had an accident

[VikVW]

Hi All

I’m after some advice. My husband picked up my 14 month old from nursery on Friday, where he was was told that my DS had been playing outside, jumping in muddy puddles etc in his snowsuit, boots and gloves and he got that wet that they had to change him. But his snowsuit was soaked wet through along with his boots and gloves, so much so they bagged them up in nappy bags. He also had a fall bumped his head which was grazed and had a small part of his eye where it was blood shot.

I’m not very happy about the whole thing to be honest because if had been that wet outside what were they doing allowing a 14 month old outside and shouldn’t they have checked he had the correct footwear and appropriate outdoor clothing and weren’t they watching him sufficiently to prevent him falling? I mean he must have really hurt his head to have a blood shot eye?!?!?

As this is my first child and so first experience of nursery, I don’t know what to expect. I want to say something to the nursery but don’t know if this is the norm? I just feel outraged at the moment.

@ClemDanFango too right you aren’t good enough to look after my ds I wouldn’t want him coming home with the same attitude as you. I’m surprised anyone would put a child in your care.

As for finding fault or picking on staff that’s not my style. If I’m unhappy about something like this then I seek out other people’s opinions so I can educate myself as to what should or shouldn’t be expected rather than just jump to a ridiculous conclusion and make someone’s life difficult.

I’m not a parent that jumps when he falls over either as it does teach them skills. He has had a fall at nursery before and banged his head and I’ve thought that’s just how it goes, but to have a blood shot eye accompany it is concerning.

I also agree that being wet doesn’t hurt a child but how about the nursery asking me to provide suitable footwear and outdoor clothing for him so they can get on doing activities with the children rather than having to dry my child and give him a complete change?!?

And yes you do have a chip on your shoulder, but why don’t you grate that off and instead of being horrid, be an educator for first time parents, or is that too much common sense for you?

To be fair they shouldn't have to ask you to provide it you should just do it, it's common sense.
Sun-suncream abd hat
Cold-thick coat, hat and gloves
Rain-wellies abd waterproofs
And so on

With the injury, they happen. It's completely normal. My son was a nightmare for climbing. I had to sign accident forms for him most days at nursery. He's now almost 11 and is still the same. He currently has two broken fingers from play fighting at break time. I just learnt to role my eyes and carry on.

Outdoor play is extremely important to a child's development, no matter what the weather. He had a snow suit and boot so he was appropriately dressed although water obviously got in so he was changed, not something I would complain about. In regards to him falling, I would only complain if they didn't comfort him, give him an ice pack, ask you to sign accident book and inform whoever pick him up of what happened. Accidents happen and children are encouraged to participate in 'risky play'. It's all part of building resilience. He probably had a great time splashing in the puddles.

Thank you to everyone who have been supportive and explained kindly what I should be expecting and how I need to handle my thoughts and feelings. It’s tough being a first time Mum not knowing what happens at nursery, working over an hour away from his nursery and 7 months pregnant. Sometimes you just need that reality check especially as hormones are not at their best.

Yes I did feel outraged initially, but to know that I have been irresponsible in buying an inappropriate snowsuit and that I should expect outdoor play regardless of the conditions means that I need to look at myself and reevaluate the situation completely.

The blood shot eye is still a concern but ds is fine so I will just have to let that go.

I’m going armed tomorrow with the right footwear at least and will be purchasing a proper waterproof outfit. Not for my sanity but so that the nursery don’t have to spend time on my child drying him and giving him a full change and they are all able to enjoy doing more activities.

Must go to bed anyway, night all.

@VikvVW
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
You must be exhausted 😴 working and managing a toddler as well as preparing for another baby .
Try to relax (not easy) and not sweat the small stuff ..
Wet clothes are ok as a one off ... and it’s good you have wellies etc to hand in for future .
Your DS will be fine and having a great time !!
And just to say I’m a very , very laid back parent......mine is much older now ... but I would have been very unsettled about a blood shot eye as a first timer !!
Glad he’s ok though - take care

What did the accident report say? If your husband signed it he should have received a copy. Did he ask what happened? If he picked up, was he overly concerned?

My DH is useless at pick up but we get an electronic copy of accident reports.

Op have you spoken to the nursery staff? If not I suggest you have a chat for peace of mind.

FWIW I run a preschool and nothing sounds untoward to me but I would always suggest talking it through with nursery staff.

ClemDanFango too right you aren’t good enough to look after my ds I wouldn’t want him coming home with the same attitude as you. I’m surprised anyone would put a child in your care

Frankly, I’d rather my child care home with an attitude that shit happens, but we all get through it, than oh my god I got wet and a little bit bumped, who can I blame, how dare they not look after me.

I’d have @ClemDanFango look after my child any day of the week. Anyone who knows kids can get dirty and have fun doing it is doing fine by me.

OP I'm glad you are reavaluating how you feel about this, although your attitude towards Clem has been quite frankly unfair.

Every time I walk past the nursery on our street the workers are chatting or staring at their phones
To the PP who posted this... If this is the case please contact Ofsted. No nursery I know of (I'm a nursery nurse) allows personal phones around the children as it is a major safeguarding concern.

I think theres a very biased attitude towards the OP here, given that alot who are posting responses seem to be Nursery nurse/ childcare providers?

It is actually quite interesting to see how a new mum who obviously only has her DCs best interests at heart, wanted advice on if she should be concerned or if she was overreacting, was treated with such venomous responses instead of the advice and guidance she asked for. Do these sort of mums really rile staff members so intensely? Do you find it demoralising when your met with cautious parents?

As a mum who is about to take my own Dd to nursery- I'm seriously interested....?

I can't speak for everyone @Taddda but I've worked in childcare for 18 years and it does get weary dealing with parents who worry about every little thing and scrutinize your every movement (I'm not saying that's what the OP is doing, just general parents here). It is demoralising when people assume that you've stood back and let their child get hurt when you turned your back for 3 seconds to see why little A is shouting on you only to turn back and see the other kid mid-fall.

Accidents upset us too - I worry when any of my kids hurt themselves but unfortunately it does seem to happen a lot.

Sometimes I drop the ball for just a second and something happens, even the smallest thing and I feel guilty that it was my fault, I worry that it's worse than it looks and then I have to worry about telling the parents and ensuring all the relevant paperwork is completed. I once had someone call me an incompetent idiot when I first started out because a toddler stood on their crawling babies hand "why was he on the floor?!" as though I should've been holding him or restraint him in a seat for the 7 hours he was in my care. So yes, we do get defensive sometimes.

HOWEVER as I say, that is generalised. In this case I'd be asking for a full disclosure of what happened in terms of the bump as it has caused visible injury and a blood shot eye after a head bump would warrant a phone call to my parent to make them aware once the child had been seen to and calmed down rather than waiting until pick up. I'd hope the OP got a copy of the accident form home? and I do think the nursery should have asked up front for weather appropriate clothing as that's what's always been done in my own workplace and anywhere my kids have attended because it's not exactly top of the list when your kid first starts with the million other things you need to think about!

And with all my withering done... Please be assured that we really do care about your kids, almost as much as our own (sometimes I prefer other people's tbh :o), it's not a well paid job so no one is in it for the money but it is hugely rewarding!

Thanks very much for your post @BlueEyedFloozy - I totally understand why it can become quite weary, I also find it really reassuring that in this instance you would have contacted the OP, I'd hope that if my Dd were to have sustained that type of bump (causing a blood shot eye) that it's ok to ask if they contact me to collect her for that they would anyway- only because I think I'd be better equipped to deal with 'head watch' at home.

I also would be initially quite upset, just because my Dd got hurt! I would be upset if it happened under any circumstance- of course I would want to know exactly what happened, she wasnt in my care at the time (so i'd probably feel a little guilty about that also), but also to ensure there wasnt any mistakes made - I find it quite confusing that I'd probably then be met with quite defensive staff thinking 'what are you accusing us of!!', which I now know I'd probably face!?

If I was babysitting someone else's child and this happened, I'd feel mortified, but also ready to explain as I know it would be important to DC's parents, who I'd also expect to be upset, as I would!?

In all honesty, I'm confused! I'd have thought if a parent was to pick their child up under these circumstances and just walk away with the attitude of 'shit happens, I'm sure you did your best' it'd raise more of a flag than a parent who wanted to know why and was a little upset!?

What's difficult is that I'd be asking the staff 'what happened' whilst I was upset, which means I could possibly come across as accusatory......

Personally, I'm taking my 2 year old to nursery because I think she would benefit from the outdoor based learning they provide, it's quite sort after and I've been lucky to get her a place- I also have a 1 year old Dd (it's been quite a juggle!), so I can spend more time with her 1 on 1 whilst I know Dd1 is learning new skills having fun.

Unlike the OP who has to work 1 hour away (and your 7months pregnant @VikVW ?? Congratulations ) I'm in the fortunate position of being a SAHM still with Dd2, so nursery for me is a choice - it's been quite a difficult one to make, but benefits do outweigh the negatives (I hope!?)....I was initially put off by this thread, I know I'll be a little cautious at first, I'm with her 99.9 % of the time, I will be the mum that tears up leaving her at first, I know I'll get used to it but I think if that was met with a 'ffs ' I think I'd find it quite offensive also? I'd rather a 'it'll get easier Mum, perfectly normal, she'll be fine'...Id find that reassuring - if I had an eye roll, I'd find that 'demoralising'...

Or AIBU....?!

I work in a baby room. We ask parents to provide waterproofs, wellies, spare clothes etc then sun cream and hats in the summer- as we go out in all weathers. I think sometimes parents think we just mean we still go out if it's raining a bit but we really do mean all weathers- as long as it's safe. Also, 'waterproofs' are only waterproof to a point- they seem to be designed to withstand rain but obviously not water being poured down a sleeve, being submerged in puddles etc. If a child was so wet they were upset we would of course get them changed but if they're having fun we leave them to it, it's all good and they'll be changed in to dry clothes when we go back indoors.

It sounds completely normal.

I used to keep a spare snowsuit at nursery and often both would come home totally soaked. The washing machine/tumble dryer used to run daily.

Few snow suits are totally waterproof - it may be a good idea to buy those waterproof dungarees to wear over the snowsuit. Wellies and/or waterproof boots as well