Key worker said to sneak out instead of say goodbye

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The nursery we’ve chosen for our 10 month old is really accommodating, adding personal touches on the settling in sessions for our DS and very homely as it’s a small setting of only 20 children.
DS has been quite unsettled at the nursery trial days so far, we stayed with him the entire first one. When it came to the second we were going to leave him for 15 mins to start with as the sessions are an hour long. His key worker told us both not to stay goodbye and just sneak out so he doesn’t get upset.
Is this correct? I’m finding myself conflicted in this, we usually sneak out when he’s playing happily with toys or distracted. Which seems better than gaining his attention back to say goodbye then leaving him sobbing again.
On the other hand I keep reading that saying goodbye is important.

Surely best not to make a big deal with the goodbye

Many children get upset with goodbyes. Just sneak out as instructed. Most childcare I've used adopts the same approach of not making a fuss about goodbyes.

I am not involved in childcare or education but asked a similar question - my nursery in the first few days are keen for the baby/child to settle and feel like it’s a safe space. So when I did the settling in, I did get advised to disappear and reappear almost as I would if I was walking in and out of rooms at home. But once going full time I do say bye, mine doesn’t often notice but I know I’ve done it.

10 months seems to be a difficult age as they’re aware you’re leaving them so that maybe why they’re saying disappear so you can hear he’s happy so when you start saying bye and he cries you’re reassured.

I would always say goodbye - otherwise your child will be happily playing, trusting you to be there, and suddenly you're gone.

Trust that you won't disappear anytime he starts playing, and that you say goodbye but always come back, is more important than avoiding his perfectly normal expression of upset at separation.

This happened loads when I was a nursery nurse. If the child was going to get upset at goodbye ( not all do). Distract the child and the parent would sneak out, they could watch on cctv cameras with management if concerned. It's better than leaving a very upset child surely?

We always tell parents to say a quick goodbye, even if it’ll upset the child. I’d much rather a child had the security of knowing that their parent wasn’t going to disappear at random but had the security of knowing they could anticipate the separation and then the return.

Even if they’re distracted initially, they usually realise that a parent has gone and it usually just delays that moment rather than avert it entirely!

Do not sneak out. That will make them anxious, thinking you might dissappear without warning at other times. I know it's hard to say goodbye to a crying baby, but I promise it's better for them. You can reassure them and tell them you'll be back later.

I always say goodbye and leave quickly. I don't want my child getting stressed in other situations that I will leave them without them knowing. I feel that creates higher anxiety. I guess like everything, different approaches work for different children.

I always think say bye too even if upset. Can't remember where I heard that from but sure I heard it from a reputable source. For reasons stated above

I had to do a dump and run for the first few weeks when my DS started nursery! I literally handed him over at the door, said goodbye and walked away! It was the only way, if I went in and tried to leave him he would scream and scream!

I always think it's best to say goodbye rather than sneaking out - I'd rather a child cried when I was there than later when they discovered I wasn't. I think having a consistent goodbye routine also helps them feel secure that you won't vanish without warning and also that when you do go you will come back.

Slightly older but when my kids were at playgroup/nursery as older toddlers there were some parents who made such a pantomime over goodbyes. "bye, see you later, bye, Mummy's going now, be good, see you later, love you, bye, really going this time, love you, bye..." and on for 5 minutes. It was almost as if they wanted to upset their child and when the child cried it "proved" that the mother was needed to stay.

Trust the nursery staff. They have seen it ALL before and they will know how to distract a child who is upset for a very short time when they realise you've left.

I did a mix, mostly said bye to him but he wasn't that fussed about me leaving him. DS now says bye before I do.

I always say goodbye- as above, I don't want DS to develop anxiety over me randomly vanishing.

Personally I think it's better to say goodbye, but I don't think there's a 'correct' answer here. Either is a valid perspective.

Yep, always been told to make a swift exit but make sure to say goodbye so that they can associate it with you returning later.

My DD started nursery at the same age and I wouldn't have been comfortable sneaking out without saying goodbye.

Our approach, which the nursery recommended too, was to say a short, cheerful goodbye, but not to make a big deal of it or draw it out. It works fine.

I think it depends on the child. I have one who I know would handle me saying goodbye fine and one I have to sneak away. With the 2nd a goodbye makes it very drawn out and upsetting for him whereas if I sneak away he notices after a few mins and just gets in with what he's doing!
You know your child best so if you don't think sneaking out is the appropriate thing to do then tell the key worker and don't do it!

We do a mix of both. I mostly try to give 19mo DS a quick kiss goodbye before/when I hand him over (staff always take them for a cuddle to reassure/distract them) however some days he can be screaming so I just drop and leave as quickly as I can. We had a period when DD was around 2 where she cried every day when we left her so we just used to leave as saying goodbye made it worse. Now at 4.5 she loves giving us a kiss & hug and goodbye to us and runs in without a backwards glance!

I think it was a mistake to stay for the whole of the first session. It will be confusing for him and he will now expect that to happen. He is also learning that if he gets upset enough you will stay.

I am a teacher in a school nursery. We take children from 2 years old. I always advise parents to say goodbye when they leave.

Thanks for all the responses. Lots of mixed replies.
It seemed to work this time as we left him for 30 mins and just left while he was busy and when we returned, they said he hadn’t cried once. He only cried when we came back in.

@Sunhill4 they suggested we stay for the entire first session and part of the others because he’s still so young and they said they wanted him to associate the room as somewhere safe with us being there and not somewhere to be scared.

I'd do the starting for a while but would always say goodbye. Not make a big deal of it. A quick kiss goodbye and "see you soon".
Ime the parents who fussed and had protracted goodbyes were the worst.

Staying

I used to take my DC in and as I did I'd be all happy and upbeat however DC was acting. I'd then say goodbye and do a quick exit.