Would this bother you if this happened at your child's nursery?

[IdreamofClooney]

Hello

I am very upset by this as it has totally changed my feeling towards the nursery - am I being over sensitive or should I say something?

The nursery is advertised as being open from 7am - 6pm monday - friday.

The only day that DS stays all day is Friday when I collect him at 5.15.

On friday I was the only one in my department so had to look up which took a bit longer than expected (lots of doors!) so I rushed out and ran to the nursery - on the way I called to say that I may be a wee bit late. I was told "Well DS is our last child today" I said I'd be there asap and got a sigh and a "See you when we see you then".

I got to the nursery at 5.16 and actually there was still another child there as well as DS.

On another occassion I have turned up at 5.15 to find DS in his buggy outside the nursery with one of the staff who had her coat and bag with her so had obviously locked up for the day.

The reason this bothers me is that I would hate for DS to be cared for by someone who woudl rather not be there. I know that we all want to go home at the end of the day but I was made to feel that I was inconviencening the nursery. If someone turned up in my office at 5 I would not have my coat and bag on and if someone called to say for example that they needed to drop something off at 5.05 I would not say "well I only work till 5" - I work with adults and I think it is even worse if it is someone who deals with children to take that attitude.

Any advice gratefully recieved!

Definitely look at other nurseries.

Find one that suits you and your son.

Or get a childminder - can be a good option if you have trouble meeting a pick up deadline.

Childcare is a nightmare but that doesn't mean you should be paying money for something that doesn't work for you.

Why dont you just ask to chat to the manager (and/or the particular carer too maybe), it doesnt have to be confrontational at all...jsut explain what you said in your OP that you aim to be there by 5:15 pm but sometimes due tothe nature of your job you can be delayed by 5 mins or so.

I would not offer to make alternative arrangements as surely him being at the nursery is the best option...maybe you could offer to quickly let them know if you are going to be delayed by 5 mins or so.

You could offer to pay the extra on these occaisions.

If the woman who does this is normally nice then maybe she is thinking she is doing you a favour as well as being quicker herself by having him 'ready to go' especailly if you are usually on time.

If you just have an informal chat at this stage it doesnt have to be a big deal but you will also feel htat you have adrressed something that you're not happy about.

With everything else going on you need to know DS is happy.

My DC are also amongst the ones there longest/most often and I share your guilt, but DS always has been (since 4mths old) and doesn't seem (so far) to have suffered. Fingers crossed my current childcare providers for both (after school care for DS, nursery for DD) are cheerful and upbeat even when as happened the other week DS is the only child there for the last hour - 2 staff still had to stay, but all they said was how much fun the three of them had and when I arrived they were both playing football with him.

God I am so lucky. Poor you - I do sympathise. I agree you need to look at options, even if only to know what your negotiating position with the nursery is like (if either of mine went wrong I would be really stuck as there are no alternatives!)

Thanks everyone

I think I will say something in a casual way - although it won;t feel casual as I say it I bet!

I am just annoyed as I am very reliable and am never late to pick him up or early to drop him off and I keep them informed of what is going on with DS. I am disappointed as I thought the nursery was great and these two incidents have really coloured by view of it which is sad.

I feel guilty so much of the time - working full time (not much choice there though), asking Ex to leave (as time goes on I feel less guilty about that though as he really is a total arse!), letting DS watch Cbeebies so I can shower and tidy up etc. All I want is for DS and I to feel settled and happy and I certainly don't at the moment and I am worried that he may feel unhappy when he is the last one at nursery if I allow this to continue.

I don't think you should read too much into it, though.
People need to get off home for all sorts of reasons - it doesn't mean they are not looking after your son properly the rest of the time or that they can't wait to get away from him.
As I said below, we have had similar things happening at dd's nursery, BUT I know the staff are dedicated and I know they build real relationships with the children.

Our nursery has a huge fine for parents who are actually late, as well - I don't know if they would impose it if you were just a minute late, but I wouldn't be surprised. It's just one of the things they do to keep the nursery running smoothly and it doesn't detract from the fact that the staff are dedicated and the care is excellent.

I agree with what you say Kathy - I know I am being a bit over sensitive - things are a bit tough for me at the moment and I feel very much on my own dealing with loads and loads of stress.

The last thing I want is more upheaval for DS.

I agree that just becasue the staff are keen to go home on a friday does not mean that they are not doing their job well during working hours but it made me feel unconfortable the two times it has happened and I was worried what would happen if I were actually late, as opposed to being one minute late after having warned them I may be a little late etc.

Think I am just fed up as I line manage some one who has a really bad attitude to work and I felt that the friday issues smacks of that attitude so I probably did let it take over!

yes, it's the last thing you need.

Hope my posts did not come across as too harsh - just wanted to say that it's worth looking at other options.

My son watches Cbeebies, Milkshake and videos every morning while we lie in bed groaning!

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.
I guess what I am really saying is not to turn this into one extra thing for you to worry about - as long as your ds is happy.
I def wouldn't start thinking about changing nurseries over it.

It does sound like a good idea to ask them what the procedure would be if you really were late, though.

I used to manage a day nursery and I would say this is very unprofessional of the staff. Staff are paid to work a shift until the shift ends, if they get to leave early it is a real and rare bonus. Uusally there are so many jobs to do at the end of each day staff are kept busy right up until the nursery closes. We used to have a few children who were always there until 6.45pm when we closed. We made a special effort for these children to get some 1 to 1 time with us and they would help with chores or have some toys out. We would never want to make the child aware that the staff wanted to go home, even if they did!! If everthing else with the nursery is fine keep your child there just have a little chat about it. Good luck.

I have been on both sides of this experience: as a parent collecting and caught at work as well as as a play worker waiting with another member of staff for parents to collect children. The problem is this happens almost every day - even when the care centre closes at 6.30 p.m. The staff will not be paid and good practice means staff should not be left alone with a child. So do please bear this in mind. The situation is worse in after school clubs where carers can only work 3 hours a day earn £5.50 per hour. Even the sweetest natured carers may sound a little uncaring sometimes.

I would be livid to find him outside in the buggy when it was only 5.15pm. I'm afraid I would go in and have serious words. You are paying for a session that lasts till 6pm so they are completely out of order.

I don't understand what the big deal is to be honest

what possible difference can it make to a child to be waiting in a buggy or waiting inside the door when it is time to lock up.

They didn't know how late you'd be .. you could've been 20 minutes later.. maybe that particular nursery worker had to be somewhere .. sounds like a sensible use of time to get child ready

Nursery workers are paid diddly-squat .. don't expect them to adore being with your child beyond their contracted hours .. of course they'd prefer to be doing their own thing no matter how much they may adore working with children it is a job

Yes they could have been more gracious I expect .. but I wouldn't take it to heart

it's easy to say but try not to dwell on it...you obviously have a lot going on at the mo in your life, but you said yourself before that your DS loves this carer. He is obviously happy if this is the case.

Also dont feel guilty about cbeebies etc...we all do what we have to for 10 mins peace to shower etc...That only makes you normal! And i doubt you would have split up with your partner without v. good cause so that will also be for the best long term...for your DS and for you!

Good luck...sure it will all be fine

The two were actually separate occassions:

This friday I turned up 1 minute late (after phoning to say I was on my way and may be 5 mins late, which is when I gor the snappy "DS is our last child comment and I actually wasn't late in the end) and DS was still inside when I got there.

On previous friday I got there in plenty of time and they were outside in the buggy.

If anything I would have been happier if the time I called to say I maybe 5 mins late and he was outside.

Oh I don;t know anymore!

Love your name hairy baby - just how hairy is your baby? Ds was very hairy and still is - I have to cut his hair everytwo weeks or it is overgrown....

to be honest I'm quite shocked that nursery staff are - if this is normal - only paid/only stay until the last child is due to go home, iyswim. when do they have time to clear up? to prepare for the next day? to attend team meetings for future plans? to have 1-1 appraisals with their bosses? to attend training? clearly they do all this during the day (or maybe they just don't do it...) - which presumably keeps costs down, which I know is important to parents, but doesn't seem, imho, conducive to providing the best care for the kids or the best working environment for the carers.

having said all that - if you are paying until 5.15 you need to tread a bit carefully here - I would ask the manager what their policy is for extending the day at short notice. But I think the points about your ds and teh overall staff attitude are all very valid- tell them you want to clarify teh situation because you want to make sure the staff are happy with you extending your day occassionally and you want to make sure ds is always welcome.

Thanks he has quite a lot of hair bless him, he was born with loads and has been having it cut every 5-6 weeks since he was 6 months old. He's now 19 months and has a right mop of it!!

Im too chicken to do it myself though...just take him when i go and my hairdreser cuts it whilst im being shampooed!!

let us know how you get on with the nursery and what they say...the sooner you say something the better i reckon rather than you seething quietly away about it.

I'd be very pissed off at a nursery which says it is open till 6 and then gets all arsey with you at 5.15. And don't believe it is appropriate to have ds waiting outside, either.

I was occasionally one of the last parents when I used to commute - always very stressful if the trains were up the spout. But used to phone and nursery was fine.

Twig, nursery staff may not be well paid, but nurseries generally make a fair whack. And should not be rude or unhelpful to parents.

I will say something because it is bothering me so much. This is one of the things that I am finding hard about being a single parent - no one to discuss issues like this with!

My opinion is that I pay for the time that DS is in nursery adn that it is my responsibility to make sure that I drop him off and collect him at the time I have arranged.

I have never been late (unless any of you count the 1 minute on friday ) but I have been made to feel uncomfortable twice when picking him up on fridays. I don;t expect the staff to have to wait around endlessly when I am late but I just felt that given the circumstances there was no need for the "DS is our last child" comment. I would not ever say something like that to anyone in my job which I think is why it bothers me so much.

All in all I am struggling to cope as everything is getting on top of me - splittign with Ex, selling flat, buying house, having bag stolen, stress at work etc etc so I am invlined to blow things out of proportion

Thansk for all of the advice - I will let you know how it goes when I've spoken to them....

Hairy Baby - DS had his first hair cut at 3 months as he had the most amazing mullet - I just cut the back bit. I let it grow freely until he was about one and had been called a girl about 50 times then I gave hima proper haircut - sob.

I love hairy babies althoght I really should brush DS's hair at somepoint - I have tons of curls so don;t e even own a brush but DS has a mop of straigth hair whihc is a bit bed head at the best of times!

How is your baby with the hairdresser - I am too scared to take DS so did it myself (plus would cost a fortune every three weeks I go twice a year

He's really good...i guess that starting him young has probably helped.

She does it for free...i defo wouldnt be paying to take him to where i go...would bankrupt me!!

I love hairy babies too...am pg again at the mo and am worried that if i have a bald one it will seem odd !!!

I think the phone comment was just a bit grumpy but nothing to get too worked up about. But I would be very angry if I arrived at nursery to find my child outside in their buggy. How dare they!

Ask them whether their liability insurance covers such things. Tell them you are paying for your son to be warm and stimulated until you arrive to collect him. You weren't even late that night! I'm sorry, but that just isn't on!

Hello, Nursery Owner and Manager here.

How unprofessional!

If the Nursery is open til 6 and you very politely telephoned ahead to say you are running late then really there is no need for any attitude.

We are open til 6pm and there are always the same 2 children left for about half an hour.
They help with the jobs, they love it.
I pay for an assistant to do do all the cleaning jobs, the staff tidy and set up their own rooms. If they worked past 6pm you the parents would not be able to afford the fees.
We have a monthly staff meeting and planning meeting which they get paid for.
What does annoy us is that the 6pm mother turns up on the dot at 6pm then wants to talk for 10 mins.
she has already talked for 20minutes in the morning and he gets a daily chart, so this is annoying for the staff they get paid up til 6pm not 610pm
Ring the Manager and explain your concerns.

Hey Idreamofclooney - think about it this way. How would your boss feel if, half an hour before you officially finished, you turned off your PC, packed all your things away, put your coat on, picked up your bag and stood behind your desk and stayed there until it was time for you to go home, just in case anyone might need you? (just assuming you work in an office for arguments sake)

I can bet any bloody money your boss wouldn't be too happy, because afterall, you were being paid to work until the end of the day.

My DS1 goes to Nursery and I would be furious if this happened. If they advertise as closing at 6pm, and you are paying them until 6pm, then I would expect the same standard of care at 6pm then at any other time in the day. Fair enough that nurseries charge for late collections - and so they should. And why is there only 1 member of staff around? At DS1's nursery if there are only one or two few kids left, they go and join another group, so that their room can be locked up.

Sounds to me like they use their 'advertised' hours as a marketing ploy.

Idream is only paying until 5.15......