Snack time request

[Kemet]

Hi, my children are starting school nursery on Wednesday. At the home visit and on application form I stated that I don't want them to have hard fruit and veg such as apples, pears, carrot and celery, along with grapes and cherry tomatoes. I explained that I have no problem bringing in bananas, oranges, cucumber.

I received an email from the nursery teacher today stating that she understands me feeling anxious and my concerns but the best options going forward would be to ease them in by cutting their fruit into small pieces, ensure they are chewing properly and they stay seated with a first aid trained adult.

I don't want my children to have high risk choke foods such as apples and pears as of yet at nursery unless they were grated which we do at home. My child has had a choking incident with apple before and after doing research I'm now aware of high risk foods for under 5's.

I'm going to speak to the phase leader tomorrow to express I dont want my children to have these foods. Any advice would be grateful and where I stand i.e. can they withdraw their place if I stick to my wishes.

Thank you

In the nicest possible way - you’re being ridiculous. Do you think every child is weaned with a first aider sat next to them the whole time? Of course not.

Everything in life is a hazard if you want it to be. I really think you need to work on your anxiety as your reaction to someone wanting to feed your DC apples and pears really isn’t a big deal at all.

Sorry the last line should be - your reaction isn’t normal and them feeding fruit to your kids isn’t a big deal.

In the gentlest way possible you are being unreasonable.

We had a near choking miss when DD2 was a baby so I really get it.

But the best way to avoid children choking is for them to learn how to chew these foods properly, not avoiding them altogether. They don't suddenly be safe on their 5th birthday.

You've posted this twice?

I can understand that you’re anxious given the previous choking incident but I really don’t think that restricting foods is the way to go. I’m an early years practitioner and first aid trained and generally the biggest hazards are round foods. As long as foods are sliced and children are properly supervised, the risks are minimal. As a pp said, they need to learn how to chew those foods as they don’t suddenly stop being a choking hazard at age 5, and eating things like that are good for their teeth and jaw development. I don’t think the nursery I work at would agree to your request, we take into account dietary requirements for religious or medical reasons but that just seems a bit overly cautious and unnecessary.

You have a huge fear of your child choking. It's very scary when you've had an incident befire. The level you are going to to avoid this risk seems out of proportion, perhaps check out some cbt?

Children this age need to be eating this type of food to develop their jaw muscles, which in turn Deleon’s their speech.

It sounds like your anxiety it having an impact on the development of your children. I know it’s really hard to admit, but I think you need help here rather than the nursery indulging your fears.

Again with this?

I didn’t post before as I felt like you’d had knowledgable and sensible answers.

I think the nursery response is a good one and I would accept their offer.

However,it seems that you don’t want them to have these foods. You don’t want them to have them how the nursery prepare them ordinarily and you don’t want them to have them when the nursery staff cut them extra small just for your dc.

So tell them and your children that they can’t eat anything at all at nursery. Or don’t send them to nursery. It’s not the right thing to do for your children though.

It's normal to be nervous having children start nursery, how old are your children?
Once you get to know the staff you should feel more confident leaving them. Perhaps you need an appointment with the director to discuss your concerns. You may be able to provide your own snack, but some places don't allow outside food due to allergies so it's worth asking. If you feel very strongly about it, look around at places that will accommodate you.

Choking is scary but eating a wide range of foods is important nutritionally and developmentally a child or adult can choke on any food but death through choking on food is rare as long as foods are cut sensibly as others describe. The sooner anyone learns to manipulate food in the mouth to bite and chew the sooner risk is reduced. Children kept on pureed and fine foods are more likely to have sever eating issues through life and tend to have problems are speech and communication as they haven't developed mouth and tongue muscles to form correct mouth shapes.
Your best action is to get a first aid course to help you should things happen.

I completely understand your concerns. A couple of times I've had to collect my child early either for illness or an appointment but arrived during lunch or snack time and witnessed toddlers having chunks / wedges of hard fruit such as apples (our Nursery doesn't serve grapes or cherry toms). I actually couldn't watch them eat as they looked such a choking hazard, but I absolutely recognise that is my anxiety. I completely trust the Nursery staff, very good mix of experience, many mothers or grandmothers themselves and absolutely know what they're doing. I have 2 children, they've weaned loads, I trust their judgement. Aged 2 and 4 I now have two fantastic eaters, I work hard on my anxiety so as not to limit what they eat at home and I trust Nursery 100% so leave them to it.

Every nursery I’ve ever worked at has cut the harder fruit like apples and pears, carrots etc into batons or thin wedges.
You are very unlikely to ever choke on something baton shaped as it is long and thin, so air can still get down your airways even with the baton stuck in it.
I’d be more worried about cherry tomatoes or grapes, as ideally these should be quartered, but a lot of people just half them.

I can relate to your anxiety somewhat after DD2 had a choking incident when she was about 18 months (ironically something soft) and burst a blood vessel. It was terrifying.

However, the safest and most sensible thing to do is to give children hard foods so they learn how to eat it. When is the turning point for you? At what point will they be allowed? How will they learn? Suddenly when they're 5?

My DH has been a chef in children's nurseries for a decade and they by default have a rule that food needs to be chopped to a certain size to prevent choking. Imo it's madness because for those children mostly eating at nursery, they will never learn. They don't however have a ban on hard foods which frankly would be madness.

I myself have just completed my training to become a childminder and have recently done the first aid training. At no point did they say that under 5s shouldn't be eating hard foods. They just highlighted how small children's food pipe is and that you should always sit with them, as well as going through what to do in an emergency.

I do understand that your children are so precious to you, but honestly, if you go down this path you are setting them up for a hard life. What else won't they be able to do "just in case"?