Please tell me nursery gets easier!

[EastbourneGal]

Hoping to go back to college full-time in Sept, which would mean my dd has to be in nursery. As a single parent she is very close to me, so I wanted to start her in nursery a couple of times a week to let her adapt so its not as distressing for us both in Sept when shes suddenly without mummy.

The nursery have been great, as we had endless probs with her last year as she hated it n I took her out. We are currently doing an hour a day every day this week to see how she gets on. Its her second day, n its hell. She cries so much when i leave and when I get back. I know I have to be strong for her, but I hate that I am causing her upset because I want to go back to college. She's only 2.3 years, n I feel so horrible. At the same time, I want to re-train and have a career to go to when shes at school so she knows mummy doesnt just sit on her backside on income support for all her child years.
Help!!!! I just want to cry.

Its early days yet, and she's not a baby....does she tell you things about nursery? Maybe give it a bit more time?

Hi EastbourneGal. Is she still sobbing when you pick her up or has she calmed down? Has she been assigned a keyworker from the staff. Is it a very busy nursery or quite calm?

Its a really settled n calm environment. There are about 9 other kids in her group, with 3 or 4 staff.

She has short (Very brief!) periods where she settles, but was in tears again today when I collected her, and apparently had the mother of tantrums n was lashing out at the staff! (The shame!) Its so out of character for her. I KNOW its going to be hard n I cant keep putting her through it just to give up, but finding myself dreading each day at the mo

O.k.a.y......it doesnt seem to get better anytime soon.

As soon as we got to the front door she was crying, by the time we got in she had thrown her self on the floor screaming, almost wrethching etc

Hearing your child in tears n scared calling "mummy" over n over. God, please tell me someones come through the other side of this, coz I feel physically sick right now. Shes only been there 20 mins and Im clock watching.

maybe she would do better with a childminder....smaller, homely enviroment?

I was going to suggest a childminder too, homely environment, one adult to get to know, may well be younger children she would prefer, what do you think?

I really feel for you

How about trying it for a set period before thinking of trying something else? Two days really isn't very long.

Both of my two started nursery school at 2.6 and both had some really wobbly mornings before they got the hang of it (as did I!) The second morning was always the worst because they know what to expect, IYSWIM

I rationalised it to myself that I was doing something in everyone's best interest and we all had to learn to accomodate it. FWIW, I do think that it is important for everyone - for your daughter and for you - that your daughter "learns" to be looked after and stimulated by someone else. And you are not locking her in the cupboard under the stairs or putting her in the workhouse - you are taking her to a lovely caring environment that she value and enjoy once she gets over the initial jolt of it being different.

Honestly, if you are happy with the arrangements in principle I would try and hang in there. I know it is hard, but it is worth it.

Thanks guys. Tomorrows another day!

My dd started at nursery just after she turned 2. She had already gone to a childminder prior to this and she had visited the nursery twice with me before I left her. So all in all she was as prepared as she could be.
It took at least 2 months before she would go in without crying, and the day she went in happily I think we all (staff and myself!) did a little dance of happiness!!
For the first couple of times there, I would ring up after half an hour of torturing myself to be told that dd was fine and had stopped crying after approx 2 minutes. She was just doing the old "make mummy feel bad" routine when I dropped her off and collected her.
Consequently, I decided to drop her off and leave quickly so that she would only cry for a short period.
Nursery have been great and are happy for me to call at any time.
Please understand you are NOT causing her upset, she will be having a fabby time at nursery, mixing with other children and doing plenty of activities that most parents could not or would not want to do in their home IYSWIM
This time will not last, and the stronger you are, the easier it will get!! Believe me, your DD is not the first or the last child nursery will see with separation anxiety. Stick it out, it will be worth it in the end!!!
Good luck to you both x

Thanks nell12. Needed that bit of moral. Im taking her for her hourly stint at half 1pm.

Trouble is, with her crying nearly all the way through each hour session, I cant imagine how we are ever going to get to the stage of full time nursery five days a week. Ive only got 3 months! Still, I can only percevere, n hope!

It cant get worse lets face it!xxxxxx

have you stayed with her for a while at the nursery. This is what our nursery did during settling in time. It gives them a cahnce to get used to the environment with the security of someone they know being close by.

I went with her last thursday n she was fine, but the staff say staying just prolongs the seperation n makes it a harder n longer process.

Couldnt even get her out of our front door today she was having such a tantrum about going. This was still going on when i dropped her at nursery and left. I know the staff are very good n wudnt leave her distressed, as they called me last year to get her when we tried this.

I'm going back in ten minutes to get her. Wish me luck......or maybe a miricle!!!!

I honestly would be surprised if she is still like this in 3 months time. It really, really will get better - but I know it is awful when they get upset about it.

I had this with ds1, he started pre-school 2 days a week when he was around 2.5. He cried ever morning I dropped him off for about 6 weeks and told me how much he hated it when I picked him up. He also spent the first 6 times he went sat on his keyworkers knee

Good news is that after about 6 weeks he did settle and now runs there and jumps in the door completely ignoring me, has good friends there and loves it! It will get better. When ds1 was finding it hard, they suggested I take a favourite teddy and he occasionally had a dummy at home when he started which they told me to take along too. This really helped him.

I would keep persevering though I know its hard, I was all ready to pull ds1 out. People kept saying to me as well, better now than when he is 3 and goes full time to pre-school, they can just have a couple of mornings to get used to being left by your= rather than 5 mornings. GOOD LUCK!

O I forgot, bribery works too DS1 gets a biscuit for the walk there and a special chocolate for when I pick him up.

It really does get easier. It's a patience game. And like last poster, bribery works a treat too!

Also, she may be old enough now to understand why mummy needs to go to 'school' too - 'so she can get a good job and earn money to buy food'. Simplistic but it's what it boils down to at the end of the day. My DS loves his food so he is willing to understand why mummy needs to work to keep buying it for him!

Eastbourne Gal - has it been any better this week?

My daughter was nearly 3 when she started her second nursery and one time she laid on the floor for 90 minutes before joining in. She would cry for some of the time but we took it really steady and it is all credit to the now left manager that she settled and started to love nursery. She is home with me now because I couldn't trust what the new manager might do next.

can you leave her there for longer than an hour at a time?

It doesn't seem long for her to get a feel for the place and to see what they do.

Have you watched her after you leave - does she settle quickly? Lots of children cry when they are dropped off, but within 5 minutes are happy again - is there anywhere you can watch from without her knowing you are there?

Agree with several other posters. Just a couple of thoughts:

• since drop-off and pick-up time are the most traumatic times of day, and most children are quite settled in between, I'd suggest leaving her for longer so that the amount of settled time significantly outweighs the bad time, and her memories will start to form including happy & fun times.
• only going once or twice a week does seem to mean that they "forget" a bit in between. Is there any way you can do more days (or maybe several half-days) now while you're not studying? Just until she's fully settled. Good luck. It WILL get easier eventually.

Agree to keep persevering for now. Even increase the hours, and make the days consecutive.

It is difficult to be the new kid on the block for your dd as well. But once the other children and staff know her and she has sussed out the routines and rules (children just love knowing them, even if they don't always follw, lol), your dd will settle.

Dd used to have teary dropoffs on and off. Nowadays at 3.8, she cries if she has to stay at home instead, because she will miss her friends.

I had the same problem with dd1, it wen't on for a term until i took her out, she cried from the momment she got there and was still crying when i picked her up, it made me feel . If it continues i would take her out, could you try a child minder?