Are they in the wrong or am I?

[SlimmingMumOf1]

My DS has just started going to nursery two afternoons a week. I got one of their monthly newsletter which said that one of the children there is receiving chemotherapy so any illnesses or anything like that, we need to be aware and to keep the children off if possible. My DS has a very snotty nose and a cold but he is functioning fine! Took him nursery and at the end of the day, they said that perhaps I should keep him home as he is very congested and because if I was not aware that a child there is likely to get very poorly due to her low immune system. Now I am terribly sorry about that, I feel really upset for them but surely the parents know that nurseries harbour germs! So why would they send her there in the first place? And why should us parents have to keep children off because of a cold and lose out (we still pay for the nursery if they're off ill and lose a days' worth of wages at work as well). Am I wrong here? I just think it is fair that children who has a cold has to stay at home just so she cannot get poorly. If I had to follow that rule, DS would rarely be attending nursery as he goes get colds quite a lot!

*unfair

Are you serious? Is this a serious question?

Jesus fucking wept!

Keep your snotty kid off nursery, and stop being so fucking entitled.

This is a difficult one. There will always be someone with a mild cold (anything else and you should keep them off anyway as a cold is bad enough for even a child with asthma). I don't know. Their child should be able to attend nursery as it's their right. But I can see it leaves you up the creek.

You may get flamed OP. But I do understand where you are coming from.

I looked after a child in a pre-school setting who was receiving chemotherapy. We sent the letter you describe, we could hardly refuse them access. In practical terms though we just couldn't guarantee an illness free environment, with children things can come on quickly and things like chicken pox for example are contagious before becoming obvious. Also we couldn't really ask parents to keep their child at home because they would probably get a sickness bug their sibling had. It was really difficult.

After talking to the parents who just wanted to keep their child's life as normal as they could (and who could blame them). We used to ring and let them know if there were bugs about...but there always were. In the end the child was placed by the parents with the hospital education service.

We tried but it just wouldn't work. We were sessional as well so not child care as such. I have no idea how this could be managed in full day care.

The child having chemo has a right to attend nursery without being told to stay home for the sole reason of their medical condition. That's discrimination otherwise.

You have a right to your opinion, but the law and nursery are not on your side.

If it's such a problem for you, move nursery.

This is difficult. If I'd kept DS off every time he had a runny nose, he'd never have been at nursery. Would they waive your fees if you took him home?

Would they usually accept a child with a snotty nose if it wasn’t for the poorly child? I never used a nursery so don’t know what is an acceptable illness to send them with. If you would normally be able to send him I wouldn’t expect to pay but would keep him away to help out. You will not be viewed well if you voice your thoughts to the nursery.

Our nursery doesn't let a child with a snotty nose (mild cold) stay.... and it's nothing to do with any particular other child, just general policy.

One of my (3) kids had a snotty nose permanently for about 2 years!
It's a difficult one.

The child having chemo has a right to attend nursery without being told to stay home for the sole reason of their medical condition. That's discrimination otherwise.

But surely that applies to any medical condition, so it would apply equally to a child with a cold.

One of my dc had chronic catarrh and frequent coughing due to an allergy. It looked like a cold, especially as the coughing came and went. Should she have been kept off because the staff thought she had a cold?

In every nursery my dc have gone to there were always snotty children, always someone off with some illness.

What about the child whose big brother is off school with D&V? Should they be kept off in case they catch it?

It's just not practical.

Toddlers have permanently snotty noses for months of the year. Mine has had one for the past week. He’s completely well in himself, no fever etc. I couldn’t justify a week off work to look after a well child. I feel for the parents of the ill child but it’s not a fair thing to ask of you.

I don't think either of you is wrong. I think you need to discuss with them what allowances re charges will be made if they would have accepted him being there with a snotty nose if there wasn't the issue of the child having chemo.

However being friends with 2 families whose children have under gone chemo between the age of 10months and 3 years I am surprised that if they are currently receiving treatment they are allowed to even be in nursery. My sil (in her late 50's) is currently receiving chemo for stage 4 cancer and is banned from being around anyone and anything that poses a risk.

I struggle with the interpretation of discrimination law that means nursery can deny reasonable access to everybody else as a reasonable adjustment to provide access to someone undergoing chemotherapy.

Do they expect you to still pay for the sessions that your child misses because they feel he is a risk to the other child when you feel he is well enough to go ?

I work in a nursery and the only time we don’t take children is if they have a fever or the standard 48 hours after d&v. This has been a policy in nearly every nursery I’ve worked at.

There generally will be a snotty child in every session. We’ve recently had a chicken pox outbreak started by an older sibling of an attendee who was exposed and passed it round before the spots appeared. We couldn’t not take them on the basis they could have caught it.

I can’t see how this situation would be practical, or how it would work. We wouldn’t be able to afford to turn children with minor ailments away if we had to pay back fees.

yanbu

IMO it’s unrealistic for nursery to promise a disease free environment to the child having chemotherapy. And it’s unrealistic to expect a perfectly well child with just a runny nose to stay at home (with a parent who is losing pay or a days holiday). I think they will very quickly find that people who need reliable childcare will transfer their kids to a more accommodating nursery. A better solution would be to advise the parents of the child having chemo that they can’t exclude children unless they’re genuinely ill, and let them make their own decision about whether they feel it’s safe and appropriate for their child to attend.

I see both points of this argument.

The nursery are extremely considerate of the ill child and she does have a right to attend nursery.

However, they cannot insist that additional measures are put into place due to one child’s needs. If he is wandering round with a full blown cold that is one thing, if they are going to send every child with a runny noise home due to fear of compromising the poorly one’s health then that is simply not feasible.

My son has had a runny nose most of the summer and if I was to tell my boss I needed time off work constantly because of this then chances are I wouldn’t have a job.

There needs to be a solution but I’m not sure what it is.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP. I’m surprised the parents are letting their child undergoing treatment go to nursery to be honest - when my mum was having chemo she was advised not to go out into public places unless it was completely necessary. I think the nursery are being very unreasonable if they are expecting you to pay. At my son’s nursery you are expected to be off for 48 hours after d&v (and obviously any contagious diseases) but not for a cold. Check their policy carefully and if your child would normally be allowed in with a sniffly nose, then surely they are breaking their own T&Cs.

Yanbu

Surely a child receiving chemo shouldn't be at a nursery? They are breeding grounds for germs and a big risk for the child's immune system.

Jelly "The child having chemo has a right to attend nursery without being told to stay home for the sole reason of their medical condition. That's discrimination otherwise.

But surely that applies to any medical condition, so it would apply equally to a child with a cold"

A medical condition needs to fall within the definition of a protected characteristic, in this case it's disability.

"a person is disabled if they have a physical or mental impairment which has a substantial and longterm adverse effect on their day-to-day activities"

Rule of thumb is if they have been ill for more than 12 months or if they are expected to be ill for more than 12 months and have been ill for 3 months already.

The nursery cannot say no to the child or providing reasonable adjustments - which would be to remind parents to be mindful of sending their child in with colds and other mild illnesses.

I personally would just change nursery. I say that as a disabled mum who relies on childcare to be able to work.