problem with nursery handling bullying issue...please help....

[becaroo]

My ds has been going to nursery since september last year and loves it.

However, in the last week my dh and I have noticed that he has become petrified of going to the loo anywhere but at home. This has never been an issue before.

On monday he wet his pants at nursery which he has never done before. I was concerned about this and asked one of his teachers if he was ok. She said not to worry as all children sometimes wet themselves.

I thought this was a bit dismissive but let it go. We have had a couple of occasions when he has become very upset at going to the loo (at a restaurant on sunday for example) and yesterday afternoon he became absolutely hysterical when I told him we would have to find the public loos as he needed a poo. I have NEVER seen him in a state like that before. We had to go home.

One of the mothers of my ds friends saw me this morning and told me that her son told her that a boy from nursery followed my ds into the loo and held the cubicle door shut so he couldnt get out and that my ds was very upset.

One of the teachers must have known about this as he got out eventually but no one mentioned it and I am very angry and upset about this. If I had known what had happened perhaps I could have nipped it in the bud, but now he is so frightened its heart breaking.

We are going on hols in 3 weeks...what the hell am I going to do?

I really feel that the nursery have been negligent in not telling me about this....what should I do with regard to the situation and to help my poor ds?

Have you talked to your ds about why he won't go in public? It might be an idea to try to gently coax out of him the story - or if he won't talk about it, try going with him for awhile when you're out together and standing outside the door, so he feels safe, then say you'll wait outside the toilets and go in to check on him if he's not out soon and by degrees he may get used to going on his own again. If he's willing to talk about the incident, try reassuring him that it's unlikely to happen again and if it does, he won't be stuck in there forever (and that he should tell the teacher quietly when the other boy's not around, or tell you when he comes out of nursery).

And you do need to have a quiet word with his teacher to get to the bottom of this - as you say, it needs to be nipped in the bud.

I wouldn't assume that the nursery knows about it. I would ask them about it first and see what they have to say. Then tell them what you have heard and ask them what steps they intend to take to prevent it happening again. A simple thing would to be ensure that the other boy is in sight whenever your ds goes to the loo. So sorry for your little boy - it sounds horrible...