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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Should I leave my ds in nursery when I'm on maternity leave?

23 replies

ludge · 09/05/2007 20:16

I'm 9wks pg with dc2 and my ds is 22months now and goes to nursery 3 days a week when I'm at work which he really loves. I'm planning on taking 12 months maternity leave this time round and am not sure what to do. Should I leave ds in nursery which will be tough financially or take him out for 12 months then send him back when I start work again? Anyone else been in this position?

OP posts:

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DeviousDaffodil · 09/05/2007 20:20

DS1 was 2.8 when DS2 was born. He was in nursery for 3 days a week. I took 6 months maternity leave and left Ds1 in nursery. He enjoyed it and it gave me one on one time with DS2. It kept Ds1 in his routine and there was no disruption for him when I went baack to work
I thinkf I made the right chhoice. Good luck.

Sunyshineymummy · 09/05/2007 20:26

I would but if it's tough financially why not drop the amount of time he goes.

HenriettaHippo · 09/05/2007 20:28

We kept DS1 in nursery when DS2 was born and I was on leave. It was a godsend, as it meant I had time with DS2, and 2 days a week when I could just sit on the sofa and feed DS2. I really think it saved my sanity, and DS1's as it meant he got time away from DS2 as well. If you can afford it, I would keep DS in nursery, but maybe just for 2 days rather than 3?

Will they keep his place for 12 months time if you want to go back to work for the 3 days again?

hotmama · 09/05/2007 20:29

Me!

Dd2 was born when dd1 was 16 months - so was younger. Dd1 had been at Nursery for 3 days a week since she was 10 months old.

I took the full year off with dd2 - dd1 still went to Nursery 3 days a week.

It was good for dd1 - she was/is very happy at Nursery - it is a good one.

I was able to have some days alone with dd2 - I also wanted to be more successful with bf dd2 than I was with dd1 - I was!

I also didn't feel guilty about unloading the dishwasher etc when dd1 was at home instead of sticking etc with her - as she was doing 'crafty' things at Nursery.

As it happens, I had to have an emergency c-section with dd2, so dd1 went to Nursery full-time for the first month. Dd1 could walk but often chose not to - I was not in a position (literally) to pick her up. Don't know what I would have done if dd1 wasn't going to Nursery.

I was/am lucky in that financially dd1 going to Nursery was fine.

IMHO experience if you can afford it then go for it - but make sure you spend a lot of quality time with dd1.

It worked very well for me, dd1 is now 31 months and dd2 is 15 months - they are both at Nursery and I am back at work - and we are all happy (although I am a bit stressed - but that is another story! )

HTH

contentiouscat · 09/05/2007 20:31

Could he do 3 half days, it would give you a break but not cost so much?

Original poster

ludge · 09/05/2007 20:32

I haven't raised it with nursery yet as I haven't officially announced I'm pg. Waiting for scan. I might try 2 days and hope I can get the extra day back - and a place for the little one as well! I just know that certain members of my family will not approve of sending him when not at work. Am bad mother for sending ds to nursery in first place!

OP posts:

DeviousDaffodil · 09/05/2007 20:34

Oh yes you are terrible. What awful mothers we are.

KerryMum · 09/05/2007 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hotmama · 09/05/2007 20:36

Ignore family members - it's nothing to do with them.

Personally, I am better (read that as saner) mother by sending my dd's to Nursery.

hotmama · 09/05/2007 20:37

Ludge - just aspire to be a good enough mother!

Sunyshineymummy · 09/05/2007 20:39

KM I wouldn't take my DS out of nursery completely as he absolutely loves it. I know this isn't the same for all children, but he really has thrived being there, so when I have DC2 (not even planned) I will probably drop the amount of time he goes, but still send him.

Katymac · 09/05/2007 20:42

Ludge - I would strongly advise keeping you DS's routine as normal as possibole when you have your baby

He will be 29m when your baby is bone and really enjoying nursery - the term after his 3rd birthday you will get help (governement nursery vouchers) which would be right in the middle of your maternit leave

I think keeping things the same will be great for you and for him

Don't feel guilty - on good days pick him up a little early or drop him off later and on days when you are tired leave him there til his normal time

Original poster

ludge · 09/05/2007 20:42

I don't think you are being judgemental Kerrymum. I'm just worried about disrupting my ds by having baby and taking him out of nursery as well. He loves nursery and I think this might provide him with some stability in the whirlwind of life with a new baby. He will have to go back at some point so not sure how he would settle again. Just wanted some advice from other mums who had been in that position as not sure what to do.

OP posts:

LucyJones · 09/05/2007 20:44

If you can afford to keep him there I would. I completely disagree with KerryMum I'm afraid. My ds has een going 2 days a week since he was 6 months old. Originally I worked until he was 2, left to have second child, he stayed in becasue he loves it and it let me have some space for the new baby. he adjusted fine. If you can afford it then why not let them have a day playing wit other kids etc whilst you catch up on sleep

Malaleche · 09/05/2007 20:44

havent read whole thread but i would find it very much harder if DD1 was not at nursery. I'm much more pleased to see her when the baby and i have had some, relative, peace during the day. If he's happy and it would be hard to get him back in then i would leave him.

Gameboy · 09/05/2007 20:46

Yes - would definitely aim to keep his routine as normal as possible, so i.e. keep him in nursery.

My eldest was 2.8 when DS2 was born, and we did the same (although reduced the hours slightly).

It will be hard enough with new baby, and your DS will feel more put out if he is at home with you, but you can't give him your full attention.
As someone said, he will be eligible for nursery funding from 3 anyway.

Ignore your family!

Katymac · 09/05/2007 20:51

BTW - my advise is as a childcarer - who has seem mums change things (& it all goes wrong) and mums keep things the same (& everything is 'normal' iyswim)

Obv there will be exceptions to everything - but it will help with your sleep deprivation (ie sleep when baby does)

1dilemma · 09/05/2007 20:53

Difficult one this!
You will get the NEG the term after his 3rd birthday it is around 1300 (v. rough figure) a year for 5 sessions (session=2.5 hrs no more than 2 in one day) the exact amount I think varies according to the local authority the nursery is in rather than where you live. It is for 33 or 38 weeks a year I don't know how they decide which I am v. out of date on exact figures so please don't complain if I'm wrong!
I think you also need to take into account how easy it will be for you to get a place back again if you leave and how far the nursery is from where you live if it is close to work rather then home it could be a chore gettng him there with the new baby. After that it is personal decision don't underestimate how lovely it is to have time with just one child and how he will feel a bit put out when he has to toddle off to nursery while the new baby stays with you. I think quite a bit will depend on his personality etc hth

jdd0709 · 09/05/2007 21:01

Yes you should - I am going to keep my ds1 in when my second is born in September. He gets a lot out of it and, to be honest, I am a better mother with a couple of days to myself - obviously at work at the moment rather than at home. I think it will be good to have a couple of days at home with the baby rather than him always having to wait while I deal with a stroppy toddler and I personally think it is better to keep things vaguely normal for the first one when a new baby arrives - why should their lives be turned completely upside down. I may change the hours a bit but he will certainly go a couple of days or a few mornings a week - he enjoys it and I am not going to have time to do painting etc for a little while. Don't feel guilty - no need.

franca70 · 09/05/2007 21:06

Ds kept going to nursery when dd was born (he was going 3 times a week). He loved it and it represented a great stability for him. Not to mention that I wouldn't have had the time to entertain him as he'd have wished, during those breastfeeding marathons.
If your son loves it and you can afford it there's nothing morally wrong in keeping sending him.

HenriettaHippo · 09/05/2007 21:32

kerrymum, sorry, but I don't agree with you either. My DS1 seemed to become really introverted when DS2 was born. He was v. quiet, and he's usually v. boisterous and outgoing. He loves going to nursery, and it seemed to be really good for him - I think he found it really hard being at home when DS2 was tiny and needed to be fed a lot of the time, and I was shattered from being up in the night. He's fine now, 8 months on (and I'm back at work now 2 days), so I think it was the right decision. He needed time away from DS2 just as much as DS2 and I needed time on our own.

ravenAK · 09/05/2007 21:38

Slightly different, but we kept up ds's CM schedule (4 days a week) while I was on ML with dd - mostly because we wanted (fabulous) CM to look after both of them when I went back to work, so weren't prepared to bugger her about!

Turned out beneficial for everyone - ds enjoyed maintaining his routine (new baby routine = v boring for toddler), I got lovely chilled time with dd.

Downside is that I could've taken a longer ML but for financial implications of ds at CM, but overall, definitely the right decision.

pepperrabbit · 09/05/2007 21:47

I was in exactly your situation last year ludge. I kept DS1 in nursery but dropped a day down to 2, and he went for the whole year happy as larry for those 2 days. It kept some continuity for him when everything at home changed, and it was his own place iyswim, no competition from new brother and no change in how he (felt) he was treated. Booked DS2's place early and while I have now gone back only 2 days a week they are both really settled.
When DS2 was tiny it was an absolute godsend for DS1 to go to nursery if we'd been up all night or whatever.
Financially yes it hurt but it was something we prioritised.
I have absolutely no regrets - only that if we have a third we'll never be able to afford it again!
So if you can afford it, do it, I'm sure the nursery will accommodate if they know you're going to go back to work and they'll get twice the cash in 12 months time.

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