advice needed

[advice]

I need some impartial advice on a situation with my child's nursery.

Another (male) parent approached me as I was dropping my child off and became aggressive. It is a long story but I tried to back off from a very intense friendship with his wife and eventually stopped all contact as she would not take no for an answer. This happened over 4 months ago and this is the first time I have encountered her husband whilst on my own. He was shouting and basically asking what my problem was.

I was very upset (as was my son) who was with me and I am currently pregnant so I felt very vunerable.

I reported the incident to the police who confirmed it was harassment and they have gone round to his house to ask if no further contact/approach is made.

Obviously my husband was upset and went into the nursery to try and discuss his concerns with the owner. This man has a child at the same nursery and so has access to our son. We asked if my son could be moved rooms when this man came in to drop off his child minimise any possible contact.

After a couple of attempts to see the owner (she kept saying she was in a meeting) my husband finally managed to speak to her - she has said his requests are ridiculous and time consuming for her staff. She has sais she has no intention of removing our child from the room temporarily when this other parent goes in as in her opinion there is nothing to worry about (even though the police are involved and think his behaviour is unacceptable).

She has also since accused my husband of being aggressive and has said if it happens again our child will be removed from her nursery.

I do feel very upset as I feel that somebody has threatened me and yet our child is being penalised.

Can I have any objective opinions as perhaps I am being ridiculous.

Am I being unreasonable ?

Why do you feel your son has to be moved out of the room when this father comes into the nursery?

I have to say I don't think you'd find a nursery where they would do this as it's pretty childish unless you felt your child was in danger which obviously he won't be as there will be staff around.

It sounds awful. I think I would just remove my child from the nursery because (1) you will have to keep seeing this couple if you don't (2) the nursery manager sounds unco-operative and unhelpful which can't bode well for the standard of nursery care.

What a terrible thing to go through. Do put your concerns in writing to the nursery though (whilst looking for alternative care). Are they part of a chain so you can put a formal complaint through to a higher authority?

Scottish Thistle - this man has been verbally abusive to her and the police have got involved. I think the OP has some justification for worrying that he may choose to target her son however unlikely the scenario may seem.

ST - just a bit concerned about this person's behavior and although I know in all probability my child will not be left alone with him I do worry it could happen by accident.

cashand carry - I know you are right - the only reason I have not done so immediately is that my child is happy there but perhaps I need to discount this.

I know where you're coming from re: childcare. It is so hard to consider changing nurseries if you've found a good one. However, the police did merit the situation serious enough to give him a warning and your nursery manager should take that seriously.

There are threads here where parents have been abused by other parents outside school and the Headteacher has got involved to put the "victim" parent's concerns to rest. The manager, even if she thought your request unreasonable, should have arranged a meeting as soon as possible after the event to discuss what steps she might take re: the other parent and ensuring you felt safe using their services.

I personally would change nurseries - life's too short to worry about what you're going to have to face when you pick up DS every day.

Cash and carry , yes I think you are right. I just needed somebody objective to say it. thanks.

Poor you going through all of this when pregnant - congrats btw

Nutty stalker wife and agressive shouting husband - sounds like a combination best avoided really!

Don't forget to write that "no holds barred" letter re: the nursery manager. You can get rid of your own aggression safely that way

That's a good idea about the letter - I think I need to calm down first as I am a bit upset. Thanks again

Don't wait until you calm down! Put all your thoughts down while you're angry - I do my best work when I'm