Have we been tricked into the belief that nurseries are far worse than they actually are?

[Chandra]

Found an interesting article in MSN about how day care may not be as bad for children as we have been told (basically in terms that children who stay at home are just slightly, very slightly better than children in nursery. although children in nursery have better language skills... if anyone wnat to ease their "guilt" here it is

The kids are alright

Very interesting Chandra - thanks. I don't have time to get involved in a debate on it just now but that article is very intelligent and rational and makes a lot of sense to me. And yes it does ease my guilt about DS being in nursery 3 days a week at the moment. (He does seem happy and well-adjusted and flirts with old ladies at checkouts too - must be my fabulous parenting )

oh the last thing I heard about children who go to nursery from a young age is that they tend to be more aggressive.

It mentions something about that, but the diference is almost neglegible compared to stay at home children.

Teachers at my kids schools used to love the nursery kids, they had learned to socialise & behave in groups, weren't so clingy etc etc.

Both mine went to nursery from v.young age, neither had ANY aggression, both doing outstandingly well.

I honestly believe they got more from nursery than I could ever have given them if I had been a full time SAHM. I relished every minute I did have with them (mainly worked part time but DD went full time nursery from 18m - 4.5 ys)

Every nursery & every child & home situation is different. We all just do the best we can with what we can.

haven't read the article yet, but I will. I come from a country where nursery schools are highly regarded and widely used both by working mothers and sahm. So I can't really get my head around about the controversy here in England.

Yup, that makes a lot of sense. DS has two nursery days a week and is clearly thriving there, so I thought the original reporting was the usual load of mysogynistic old cock anyway, but it's nice to see it properly explained.

I actually believe that my son gets something from being at his childminders. She does more with him than I do at home with the baby and to be honest, it's both humilliating & gladdening. I somehow am not 'into kids' like she is and Ds really comes out of childcare having done something other than sit in front of the tv, which he does quite a lot of at home. She doesn't use TV at all.

Totally agree with you Milliways - at nursery my DS seems to do every kind of artistic endeavor, plus baking, music, group games and stories, dressing up etc. He has access to many more toys and books than if he was at home with me every day, and if he was, I'd be neglecting him half the time trying to get a wash on and deal with the window cleaner etc etc and I wouldn't know how to go about half the stuff they do. At nursery they may not get so much one-to-one care but OTOH they get trained carers who aren't trying to run a household at the same time, but who are totally focused on playing and learning. Plus on the days I do have him, like you I love it and can take him out on trips and focus on him. I've always found it difficult to reconcile this bad view of nurseries with the one we use.

Agree with snowleopard and milliways here - our experience as a family of nurseries has always been from pretty good to outstanding.
Neither of ours is particularly aggressive, although dd was moved by us from the last room of her nursery because we felt the group of children she was in were not being very well supervised. But they were perfectly content in their near teeny-Lord-of-the-Flies mayhem and she still speaks of it nostalgically
I know from some Mners experiences there are bad nurseries out there, and some children simply don't like them, but as milliways says, horses for courses.

My son has been since 6 months and is the most gentle boy ever. He seems to be socially sophisticated and has a good sense of right and wrong. the ALSPAC study at bristol uni found that children at nursery did better (particually than those looked after by grandparents).

I always thin that most studies have a political slant to them i.e. women shouldn't/should work. The thing is, working class women never really looked after their kids as they were working, upper classes have never looked after their kids.... is a constructed middle class concept...

Anywaym, off my soap box now!

Both my DS's were in nursery 3 days a wekk from aged 5 monhts and i have nothin gbut praise.
They are both well behaved bright boys.
They llearnt so much that I would never have thought to do withthem.
I agree I think alot of the 'research' is loaded to keep th e little wooman in her place.

Boysboysboys: you are sooo right! The working classes had their kids looked after by siblings or grandparents, the upper classes had nannies.. the kids all survived. Even the middle class kids spend quite a lot of time roaming round the woodlands on their own...
All the stuff about nursery care harming kids is misogynistic bollocks TBH. An adequate nursery is a better environment than a home where one or both parents are druggies, pissheads or religious psychos who believe in beting the sin out of babies... And while there probably are less-than-great nurseries, it's probably not that hard to work out that an individual nursery is dirty, understaffed, or leaves the LOs tied to charis all day while the staff smoke fags and have sex with each other in the corridors...
And a goodnursery is great for kids, particularly if they haven't got siblings, they learn to take turns,share, make friends, have fun...

i think all child care is the same in the respect that if it is good, your child blossoms and does well and if it is pants your child suffers.
everyone here has a good nursery by the sound if it.

Very interesting! I have always thought that it is over hyped - a bad nursery where kids are there all week is probably damaging (but possibly not as much as a bad home with violence, abuse etc) but I think a good nursery used responsibly i.e in tune with what the child is comfortable with can be fantastic for them! I certainly feel my 2 year old gets a lot out of the 2 days a week he goes and I think we have more quality time togetehr on the days when I am not working than if I was at home with him all week. You do have to find a good nursery though - I didn't feel so comfortable until we moved him to his present one. nice to hear the other side of the arguement for a change!

Another thing I have always thought is that most if not all of the research I have seen saying that day care is damaging has been done in the US. Children there come for a completely different context in a society with different values, education system and, some would argue, far more genearly problems with aggression and violence. How mucah relevance has it really got to children over here.

My daughter spends three days a week with a nanny and two days at a nursery. There really are good and bad aspects of both types of care - I know it's a truism but we've seen this first hand. A few examples: Coco's nanny was away for a bit a while ago, and by the end of the week she was eating fruit - because she'd seen the others doing it. It's been a battle in the past at home. Last week nanny also away - C used the potty seat for the first time after ignoring it for several months. Again, had been inspired by the other kids! Of course they can pick up bad habits too, but after nearly two years of childcare, we've had pretty much nothing to complain about on that front. I really think that what makes a difference is QUALITY of care.

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Agree it's about relationships. It depends on the amount of 1-1 attention they get and the staff. This can vary enormously. Also the child, my dd is just happy to be in my company even if we are just washing up.

I have to add I've seen some ghastly, overcrowded nurseries i wouldn't leave my dog in.

it all depends on quality. that's been the key message all the time.

my 2 are at day-care nursery and it is absolutely fantastic.

but yes, they have good and consistent carers. the food is good. the environment is lovely. I am 100% confident it has enhanced, not damaged them.