Nursery starting toilet training at 23 months

[User24689]

Hi All
Hoping someone can advise me here. DD is 2 in a couple of weeks. We have thought about potty training in next few months as she has started telling us when she is doing a wee, needs a poo etc. She also tells us when she needs to have her nappy changed. We bought a potty but didn't push it - for now, she has just been putting her teddies on it and we've been talking about using it for wees. Really, just introducing the idea of it at home with no pressure.

She's in childcare 3 days a week. She used to be in the 1.5-2.5 room. Recently, they split the group into 1-1.5 and 2-2.5. They said this was because they had several new starters who were younger and not quite walking and felt that there should be a divide in the group so that the older ones could do more focussed activities and the younger ones could have the attention they needed. They put DD in the 2-2.5 group, presumably because she is almost 2.

A couple of weeks ago when I went to pick them up, the room leader said 'just to let you know' they had started toilet training in the room. She said that she will see some of the older children using the toilet etc. I said this was fine (positive, even). She then said that she had put DD on the toilet that afternoon and she had "completely lost it". DD has never been put on a toilet so this would have been a completely new experience and I'm not surprised she "lost it" as she is generally one to watch something for a while before 'joining in'. Also, she isn't even 2, and this wasn't discussed with me first. I was really upset at the thought of her being frightened/ distressed without me being there. I didn't really know what to say but said please don't put her on the toilet if it upsets her, we'll encourage TT at home.

I thought about it more over the weekend, discussed it with DH and became more concerned when DD said that she was 'worried' about the potty. I'm not sure where the word 'worried' has come from, but she was saying it whenever she saw the potty. The following Monday, having reflected, I went in and said she was still young and I didn't want her being toilet trained in childcare until we had started it properly at home. I didn't speak to the room leader but the centre manager, who happened to be in the room for drop off that morning. She was completely understanding of this.

Haven't thought about it since. Haven't mentioned the potty at all. Today, I go in to collect DD and room leader comes rushing over and says "What do we need to tell mummy?" DD with great big smile tells me that she has done a wee in the toilet. I was pretty surprised by this, particularly when given a laminated photo of DD on the toilet doing a wee. To be honest, DD was so proud of this and really happy to tell me. Picture shows her grinning away. I'm not sure what to think at all. Obviously I had to react positively as it was DD telling me about this achievement!

Now I just feel like I don't know what to do next. I feel completely pushed into toilet training now and don't know where next to start. I don't know what to do about the fact that it's a potty at home and toilet at daycare. I feel under pressure and that really annoys me. Also, I feel cross that childcare didn't respect my wishes.

Was I unreasonable? Is this a normal part of childcare in this age group?
We are in Australia btw, if anyone has more local experience. Any advice at all is welcome, sorry for the really long post!

I don't think they should be photographing her on the toilet for a start!

I'd not be happy at all. It is not their choice when or how your dd is toilet trained and you made your views clear.

They took a photo of your child on tne toilet having a wee? Totally bloody inappropriate!

They sound like pushy idiots who want to do what they want to do and ignore your wishes. Change nursery.

I'd be thrilled! Both my DDs were using a toilet a bit by 2. She sounds happy about it. The photo is a little odd but is a way of celebrating her achievement.

I never did a potty - some friends did. Each to their own but I didn't want to introudce a potty to then have to introduce a toilet, and cleaning a potty was just another chore to add to my long list.

I wouldn't be fussed about them toilet training her tbh. A lot of kids flip their shit the first time and then they get over it. It will actually probably be better this way as it is a big thing and she won't be forgetting to go and getting distracted playing because everyone is doing it. Peer pressure helps with potty training. I would think it was a simple case of crossed wires/communication issues amongst the staff. Maybe the person you spoke to forgot to tell the other staff. In that kind of setting it can be easy to forget stuff that is in all honesty, low priority.

I would not be impressed with her being photographed on the toilet. Not the sort of thing I would want being normalised for my dc and imo very odd.

Thanks all for your views. Yeah the photo was weird. Me and DH both went to pick up tonight and were a bit 'wtf' about it! It is accompanied by a little paragraph about how proud they are of DD and her accomplishment - I feel that the intentions were good but it's just a bit ill considered. I'm generally happy with the centre. The room leader is only 21 and is fantastic with the kids (DD loves her) but definitely lacks experience and I feel goes "off-piste" with things sometimes. Yes, I'm annoyed they didn't listen to what I said but you're right that this could be a communication issue. Communication between staff is a definite weakness in the centre.

I wasn't sure about potty either as thought that it might be 'learning it twice' as pp suggested. I looked into it and read that some DC find it easier to get used to going in the potty first as the toilet can be intimidating (flush noise, size etc). The transition from potty to toilet is usually easier (apparently). Obviously I have no idea, this is just what I read, but it's annoying that this decision has been taken out of my hands. It's relieving to read the positive comments about toilet training in a group setting.

Will it be confusing for DD if I'm doing it differently at home? Do you think I can just carry on doing it at our own pace at home? Also I'm 28 weeks pregnant and have heard some kids can regress when a new baby arrives so wasn't sure whether to even start before baby comes!

Also do you think it would be worth emailing the centre with some diplomatic feedback about how this was handled?

If she's showing signs I would go for it. Ok maybe discuss concerns about the specifics, but overall it will make it easier for you.
My dd was 21 months when ds was born and didn't want nappies, interested in the potty etc - she was dry day and night before she was 2 which was a godsend having a newborn.

I agree with everything starry said.

I would just throw yourself into it tbh. Get it done with while nursery are bigging it up as the greatest thing since frubes. Then its one less thing to think about and if she dies regress at least the foundations are there.

If she's showing an interest and all her peers are going for it I would let nursery carry on. It'll be fine if you use a potty at home, but you could give the toilet a try. Most of the children I look after go straight for the toilet, but not all.

I would not be impressed by her having a photo taken on the toilet.

My ds insisted on pants cause he saw the other kids at nursery with pants. I wouldn't worry about over thinking it, just ask your dd if she wants to use the potty or toilet at home. TBH if you can avoid potties all the better. My ds had never had an issue with the flush (thankfully).

Ive not used a potty for 11 years all my mindees go straight onto the toilet with a very good fitting training seat fitted so its secure (used to have a built in family toilet seat until recently).

Now shes started you may as well continue but Id be annoyed that it wasn't properly discussed before hand as this is what working in partnership is all about and if you for example had a wedding or were going on a long journey it could have caused serious problems.

When a child is physically ready they are normally dry during the day inside a week, most commonly this is between the ages of 30 and 36 months.