Unhappy with daughters preschool

[Melbabes6]

My daughter has been at preschool since easter and does 9-1 twice a week. To begin with she was excited and went off to play but as time has gone on she has become more and more reserved.
My issues are:
-they use the online tapestry learning journal and I still haven't got a log in despite asking many times
-they don't encourage her to drink and often comes home with a full cup (it's been super hot recently so worried about hydration)
-she persistently has accidents when she has been fully trained for 6 months plus

• she cries and says she doesn't want to go every day I drop her off

-when I drop her off she stands and looks at her feet and doesn't go off to play. The teachers ignore her so I had to ask for her key worker to greet her every morning and encourage her to play (imo they should have already don't this without me prompting) -I told them from day 1 she's very advanced with her speech but one of the other older children told me last week my LG doesn't talk at nursery. (Surely they should have raised concerns as I'd told them she is advanced) -she has been telling me all weekend that 'the boy pinched me right here on my face' but nothing was mentioned at pick up on Fri

I'm so worried and just feel like not sending her back again but I don't know what the right thing to do is.

Do you think I'm over reacting or shall I stop her going?

Sometimes these things just don't work, maybe have a look round a couple of others and see about moving her, no point her being unhappy when she's so little

We are looking around another on Tuesday but it wouldn't be to start until September. So question is....do I continue until the end of term or stop her going straight away?

If she's really unhappy and logistically it works for you I'd just drop it, it's not long now until the end of term anyway

I would take her out. It sounds very unpleasant.

How old is she?

2y3

Wow - Was she clean and dry at 21 months?

Yes she was clean and dry by 21 months day and night.

Probably helped that her communication is advanced and was able to voice when she needed to go.

I should also say that she NEVER has accidents at home or anywhere else...

I work in a preschool and can answer some of your questions.

Tapestry - we use this and the amount of times I have sent an email to parents who still can't login is unreal. I had one turn up with her tablet saying 'log me in' so we did it together and I realised I hadn't checked a box so it wasn't coming through. Keep on at them.
Drinking - we ask for water bottles and have been known to fill them up during the morning so they could go home full. They also have snack during the morning which includes a drink. They should know whether she has had a drink - ask them.
Accidents - children can regress when they go to pre school. We make sure that all potty trained children are asked or taken on a regular basis. She will grow out of it.
Crying - my DD2 cried every morning from 3-7 years old because she didn't want to go. Once there (and having her peeled off me) she was fine. I would only become really concerned if she cried all morning. If she settles and goes off to play she is fine. Children do learn how to push your buttons and she is still young so is probably suffering some separation anxiety.
Ignoring - I don't agree with this and I would be asking her keyworker to meet her at the door to encourage her to take part in an activity. It could be that she is over whelmed by what's on offer she doesn't know where to go first. Maybe you could take her in and get her settled doing something that she likes.
Talking - some children don't like talking in groups and can come across as shy. She has only been there for about 9 weeks attending twice a week so is still getting used to it. I had one who I could hear chattering away to mum outside who would go quiet when he came in. He was diagnosed with selective mutism and he stayed this way until he was doing more than 2 days a week and felt comfortable with us. If she is not talking ask them how they are managing to communicate with her and whether she is talking to the other children. This can come before talking to the adults.
Pinching - again is she is not talking to anyone did they know it had happened. We do try but unfortunately can sometimes miss an incident if no noise i.e. crying is heard or we get told.

I would speak to them about your concerns but do also bear in mind that she hasn't been there for very long and is still finding her feet. If you get no satisfactory answers then think about moving her for September as it comes across that you aren't happy and a good relationship with parents hinges on them being happy. But, again, remember she is still little so may take a while to settle in. I hope that helps in some way to see it from a practitioner's point of view but you are the one who knows your child best

Thank you for taking the time to write a detailed response.

I work within the childcare industry and hold an education degree so sometimes I feel I know 'too much' and that my expectations are too high.

Tapestry- I have asked so many times....I feel like I shouldn't have to ask. But I will ask again today!
Drinking- my LG has squash in her bottle and they do Re fill bottles but only with water. She won't drink water and I check the bottle and it still has squash in it. So they def are not refilling.
Toilet- I appreciate children regress but I feel she is having accidents becuase she isn't confident enough to ask to go. She does the wee dance very obviously and feel her key worker at least should be noticing.
Crying- I know first hand that children play on their parents emotions so you could be right. She doest cry when I take her in....she cries as soon as I mention the name of the school. Then once I've explained she goes in quiet. I'd asked them for the key worker to greet every morning but again feel they should have made that suggestion not me having to ask.

• Being mute is far from what my LG is like from home and personally feel she's quiet because she doesn't have the bond with her key worker. She is shy at first but once she gets to know someone she's great!

Pinching- she told me her key worker told the boy off and specifically said 'that's a bit rude' which she's never said before so fairly confident they were aware. I will ask this morning.

I've voiced my concerns at drop off on more than one occasion and feel I've not had and and reassurance so I'll try one last time today.

Thanks all! I'll let you know how it goes.

Mine have been at nursery since 9 months and have just turned 2 so I see a lot. Children who do short sessions take longer to settle.
Children also go through stages so they should be telling you how she settles when you leave
But definitely have a word with the manager. That will sort a few things out

I would be very tempted to take her out. there is quite a lot about the nursery that doesn't sit well with you.
I took ds out of nursery one, which is raved about by other parents locally, it just didn't suit my ds.
I moved him to a calmer nursery where almost all the staff were a bit younger, had dcs of primary school age, and it felt more like a family and crucially for me they were happy for me to stay and play, so I was able to settle ds in and also indirectly had the benefit of seeing how lovely they were. I particularly liked the transparency, so many other practitioners were ushering parents out the door asap, the nursery he ended up at were just so confident in their abilities as practitioners they were happy for parents to stay to help.

That's an interesting point redcaryellowcar.

We are never allowed into the hall. The door is held adjar with a member of staff calling children in/out so I can never see inside! And I have had only 1 convo with the key worker. It's usually the manger or deputy at the door.

This is why my family member who has a childcare settling won't take on children for so few hours, they just aren't in long enough and find settling very difficult. She doesn't feel it is fair on the children.

I would email all those points across to the nursery in order for them to make changes. Ask for a follow up appointment to review progress in a fortnight.

2 mornings a week is not enough for a young child to be settled and confident in a setting. That is why she is regressing doesn't talk much and has accidents. They should greet her though...

2 mornings is enough but it might take time to settle.

My DS started 2 different preschools aged 2 1/2, 2 mornings a week at each (the one we really wanted couldn't offer the one day I absolutely needed because of work, so we split his time at preschool between 2 settings). We took our time over settling in, staying with him initially and extending time away as he grew comfortable. Took 3 weeks at one setting, best part of a term at the other despite the hours and approach to settling being identical. He is now in his third term and is a different child at each setting. At the one where he settled easily, he knows all the children's names, has made friends independently who now come over for playdates, talks about his keyworker and the preschool manager all the time saying he loves them ("and you too mummy!") and asking to phone them for a chat or invite them round on days he doesn't see them (which we have to explain he can't do!!). He talks animatedly about all the different things he does there. At the other setting he doesn't know anyone's name, plays alone, talks to nobody and has started to say that he is "sad in the tummy" about going. Objectively there is no reason in terms of how caring the staff are. He just hasn't gelled with it. The setting he likes is smaller, has lots more outdoor space and time, and operates more mixed age groups which he has responded well to as he prefers playing with the big boys (at the other setting he is one of the oldest in his room). We're moving him from the setting he hasn't gelled with in September. One size doesn't fit all, personalities are different.

Meeting went well. The manager was very understanding and has come up with some ideas to help settle. Relief!

I'm going to see what progress she's made by the end of term and make a decision then.

Thanks all!