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Scared of Sending Child to Playgroup / Nursery
27

SaraNorts · 20/06/2017 10:00

My daughter has just turned 2, to help her prepare for school I have organised for her to go to playgroup. She will start playgroup in September morning sessions. Last week I took her for a settling in period and it didn't go well. I took her at 10.30am and she was going to stay there until 1pm, however she was so upset they asked me to pick her up at 11.45 before they settled the other children for dinner.
There will not be another settling in period, they told me that she will now just start in September! I mean how is she going to cope? Other children seem to be fine, but she is so shy around other children its really worrying me and i'm petrified for September. What are they going to do in September when she's really upset? they can't just phone when she gets upset for me to go and collect her as I have work. Its really put me off and i'm really upset and worrying what to do. Have any of you experienced this with your child/children?? She is fine around the family kids, and there is a lot of them its just other children. Please help me.

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Misspilly88 · 20/06/2017 10:03

Is there another option? I used to be an early years teacher and we would do at least 5 settling sessions gradually building up in length with more if the child needed it. How about a childminder or another nursery? One session seems rather unfair especially if she was very unsettled.

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HateSummer · 20/06/2017 10:03

By September she'll be fine. They deal with children like that everyday so will distract her with toys and games. My ds used to scream and had to be held tight by his nursery teacher the first week or so aged 2. By week 3 he was running in himself and saying bye to me at the door. During the first week they never called me once, and normally he was fine 5 mins after me leaving.

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AreWeThereYet000 · 20/06/2017 10:03

This happened with my first, he used to scream when I left and then cry when he saw me collect him and run to me. This continued for a few sessions and then he was fine, once he realised I was coming back for him everytime and he wasn't been left he really enjoyed it. He started at school nursery in January and there were no issues and no tears which wasn't the case with some of the other children who hadn't been left before. Honestly it makes you feel terrible at the time but children soon adapt to a new routine :) x

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beingsunny · 20/06/2017 10:04

It's hard, try going to other group situations, encourage her to play with other kids at the park, let her watch you strike up conversations with strangers at the playground.

Are there any mums and toddler groups you can attend? Where the mums sit and drink coffees and the kids are left to play?

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Loopytiles · 20/06/2017 10:05

Are you set on nursery for childcare? I used nurseries but found a childminder suited one of my DCs far better.

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SaraNorts · 20/06/2017 10:35

I just think the settling in period was useless and she now has to wait approx 2.5 months to go again, she'll forget and be exactly the same. She was so upset, just cried the hour or so she was there then burst out crying when she saw me. I was thinking of maybe a childminder where she's not in such a big group as there was loads of children there and they were all older than her. Its really got to me i'm worrying so much. I also asked the nursery if the children are normally upset and they said no.....which has me even more worried about her x

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SnotGoblin · 20/06/2017 11:35

It's strange that you had a settling in period so far away from the start date. It's usually the week before the child takes up their place and segues them in to the nursery routine gently. I agree the settling in period is useless this far out. Did you request it now or did nursery?

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CrazedZombie · 20/06/2017 12:11

Just turned 2 is super young.
Personally I'd wait 6 months and start in January and in the mean time engineer new social situations in various places like toddler groups, library groups etc
Being scared at 2 doesn't mean she won't be ready for school. A year is 50% of her life right now and I'd say that unless you're working even September 2018 would be fine.

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SaraNorts · 20/06/2017 13:21

The nursery suggested it, I clearly told them I wanted her to start in September for morning sessions so when I asked last week when her next settling in period would be she said no settling now and to just bring her in sept. She will start school in sept 2018 and I just wanted her to go to playgroup to help her along, I've honestly never been so stressed and worried x

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LIZS · 20/06/2017 13:31

If she's only just 2 she wouldn't go to school until Sept 2019. Perhaps you can find out when they are having summer events and go along. She could yet be ready in 3 months.

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absolutelynot · 20/06/2017 13:33

Without wanting to dig at the nursery, I ma sure they are really good, but to have a settling in period so far from the start date and calling you to pick her up early sounds like this arrangement has been about what has suited them, not you or your child.

She may well cry when you drop her in nursery, my middle one screamed blue murder but the staff understood this was about an attachment need, not because she was in pain, hungry, on the verge of death :) it was normal and she soon settled once a small amount of attention/comfort was paid to her. As mean as it was, I used to drop her off, loiter and then slope off without saying bye. This let her settle over time, so eventually byes were when she knew she was in an environment she was comfortable in.

maybe look at another playgroup? short notice i know, just to see how they are.

It may be your closest playgroup (?) but if you don't feel like you will get the right level of support in terms of her settling, it may not be the right playgroup for you guys.

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SaraNorts · 20/06/2017 14:04

She's goes part time to school when she's 3, therefore will start next sept.

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Soubriquet · 20/06/2017 14:07

My two year old started about 2 weeks after he turned 2.

He's been going now since just after Easter.

The first few weeks we had tears when he got dropped off and tears at pick up.

Now, he races in, waves goodbye and loves it there.

Persevere if you really want her in a nursery because they do enjoy it.

My Ds loves his nursery now to the point of running back and forth the front door asking to hours before he even goes Grin

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SaraNorts · 20/06/2017 14:07

I'm going to have to look about, my main worry is that they couldn't have her until 1pm cause they were settling the other children to dinner so nothings going to change in sept!

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LIZS · 20/06/2017 14:07

Really? Is it a state preschool or private? You do know she doesn't have to?

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absolutelynot · 20/06/2017 14:23

As much as ratio's are in the back of playgroups' mind at all times, it takes nothing for one worker to sit and comfort your child whilst the others are with the rest of the children, they wouldn't even need to leave the room. To call because it would be lunchtime and I assume they felt your dd was going to require too much attention at that time, is not on. Spontaneous things happen with kids, what would they do if 15minutes before lunch a child fell over and hurt themselves, requiring a few minutes of 1:1 attention? makes no sense. To also not be sympathetic to the fact she is only 2 and in a "settling in" period (the name is in the term, she may require some settling!) is not cool. I get its the summer term. People are tired. I would expect more and it isn't unreasonable to point this out or take her elsewhere.

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SaraNorts · 20/06/2017 14:40

That's what I tried telling my partner, how much trouble would it be for one person to sit with her whilst the others ate. They told me its because they didn't want her 1st experience to be a bad one! i'm really confused, just want a playgroup/nursery who will have someone to look after her intially until she finds her feet. I totally understand she cannot have one to one attention but surely on her first couple of visits.

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HSMMaCM · 20/06/2017 22:39

If she's not ready and doesn't have to go I wouldn't start her this September. Next September will be fine. In the uk you don't even have to start her then if she's not ready.

Children spend so much time in school, don't rush into it if you don't have to.

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SaraNorts · 21/06/2017 10:30

Thanks All, since she has been she's not been herself at all. My mum looks after her for us and has done since she was born, she never asks for me and to be honest when I go and get her always wants to stay with her 'nan' lol. Things have changed since her experience at playgroup, she cries when I leave and asks all day for me. Its like she scared I am not coming back. I think I will leave it until early next year.

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passthecremeeggs · 21/06/2017 10:36

Do you know any of the other parents at the nursery? Perhaps arranging play dates with other children over the summer would help - so she has some friendly faces when she starts? Alternatively I would ask for the first week to be short sessions to settle in- it's crazy to have one session so far before she starts.

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thethoughtfox · 21/06/2017 10:39

There is no need to help prepare your child for school 2+ years in advance. They are not supposed to be ready for school at that age. 3+ is when they can be ready to enjoy the social aspect of a nursery setting with minimal negative consequences for the child ( obviously depends on the child)

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SaraNorts · 21/06/2017 11:18

No do not know any other parents. We do everything with her though still unsure why she is so shy, she got 10 nieces and nephews ranging from 1 to 14 and she's absolutely fine with them. What i'm worried about is that she will go to school part time from sept 2018, start full sept 2019, so I just wanted to help her. Maybe i'll try early next year when she is a bit older. So many 2 year olds go to playgroup though.

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HateSummer · 21/06/2017 11:41

I think you really are making a mountain out of a molehill (in the nicest possible way!)

She's only 2; of course she's shy! They take time to settle, and usually children play up more when you're around. You have barely given her time to settle in, this is something that takes a few weeks and once she's got a routine she'll enjoy it.

I'd go along in September and see what happens after 2-3 weeks. Don't project your fears on to her, or she really won't settle in. Go in, give her a kiss goodbye and leave. No need to pander to the crying or she will NEVER settle.

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Elmoliveshere · 24/06/2017 22:04

The nursery I sent my son to offered additional settling in sessions to help if they were struggling. Could you speak to the manager and explain your concerns/fears? A nursery setting is very different to your child playing with with family and will take some getting used to. Trust your instinct, if you think not ready yet wait a while. Children change so much at this age, in a couple of months she may be different again.

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jannier · 25/06/2017 16:29

What does your mum do with her in the day? Does she take her to toddler groups and meet up with other children? If not I would look at a childcare that does this like a child-minder so that separating from the main carer is less of an issue. Child-minders work to the same framework (EYFS) and are inspected by the same inspectors as Nurseries they do all the same activities and support transition to school....which for a 3 year old going to school is no different to nursery/child-minder as school nurseries also work to the same standard....so basically you are preparing her for part time school by putting her into a different named but otherwise the same setting but for longer hours.
Can she mix with others, take her shoes and coat off and working on putting them on. working on toilet training and then by 3 self dressing/wiping own bottom or working towards it, can she sit in a small group and listen to a story, are you looking at her recognising her name, drinking from an open cup, and generally being independent? These are the things she will be learning between now and 4 along with building skills like finger strength through play....(playdo threading etc).
I would also look at a more traditional hours playgroup with 3 hours a day if you think how long 2 minutes is to a 2 year old 5 hours is a really long time.

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