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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Child not allowed to attend nursery

24 replies

deebs14 · 12/05/2017 05:46

My little one (2.5 years old) was not allowed to attend nursery. The lil one has been biting others kids in the nursery and so the nursery decided my child will not be allowed to attend nursery.

Where do I seek help and advice about this treatment by the privately run nursery please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NewIdeasToday · 12/05/2017 05:49

What help do you want? You can't expect the other kids to put up with being bitten and this sounds like a repeated problem.

HeadDreamer · 12/05/2017 05:49

It's a private nursery. If my child is bitten I would want them to exclude your child too. You don't have a right to have your child to attend their. You should afdresss your child's behavioural problem instead of blaming the. Iraeru.

HeadDreamer · 12/05/2017 05:50

Why don't you ask about help on his problem instead?

LIZS · 12/05/2017 05:52

They have a duty to protect the other children. Assuming it wasn't a one-off they should follow their behavioural policy which may well allow them to ask you to remove him. Have you been working with them to try to identify the triggers and prevent it? May be a fresh start in another environment would be better for him.

flyingpinkduckgirl · 12/05/2017 05:54

I wouldn't try to force a child on to a nursery who don't want him. Going through a biting phase can be normal but it's also distressing for other children and their parents. Do you need the childcare? If so, try a childminder, a quieter setting might suit him better. If you were just sending him to nursery to socialise then try a playgroup where you can stay and keep a close eye on him. Good luck.

needachangeq · 12/05/2017 05:58

I agree with others, i think you need to address his behaviour problems.
It must have happened a lot for nursery to say he cant come back

Rockspin · 12/05/2017 05:59

I'd ask the nursery for details on how they've tried to manage/stop this behaviour or if they've noted any triggers or patterns of behaviour so you can get a better picture of how and why it's happening. Does he bite at home? Before you put him in a new setting you need to try and stop the biting so get as much info as possible.
I wouldn't want a child that bites in my daughters nursery, I think the nursery are just protecting the other children.

HeyCat · 12/05/2017 06:27

The nursery is allowed to decide a pupil needs to leave.

It's not like a state school where you could challenge the exclusion at an appeal and force them to take your kid back.

Tbh 2.5 is too old to be repeatedly biting - you need to focus on his behaviour rather than on the nursery now.

HomityBabbityPie · 12/05/2017 06:28

They have a duty of care to the other kids.

insancerre · 12/05/2017 06:35

I'm a nursery manager and we have a clause in out terms and conditions that says we can give you notice to remove your child due to not paying fees, unreasonable behaviour from parents or children
Excluding a child will not have been done lightly
Nurseries are businesses and if parents are threatening to withdraw children because of another child, then it's easier to exclude the child concerned
Have you spoken to your HV about his behaviour?

likeababyelephant · 12/05/2017 06:39

That's strange.

My 16 month old bites a lot nursery but all I have to do is sign an incident report.

HomityBabbityPie · 12/05/2017 06:44

elephant

There's a huge difference between a 16 mo biting and a 2.5 yo biting.

katkitkat · 12/05/2017 06:47

Erm get advice and treatment for the behaviour of the child?

I would be very pissed of off if my child was repeatedly being bitten or harmed in any way by another child and no action was taken.

WinnerWinnerChickenDinner0 · 12/05/2017 07:11

^as homityBabittyPie said

I have a 2.5 year old in nursery. He is a handful but if nusery reported he had been biting I would be here looking for advise on how to deal
With ds and not advise on how to deal with nusery.

I am assuming there were several incidents and they had spoken to you about it several times befybeing asked to leave. Does your child bite you at home, even play biting?
How are you dealing with?

harderandharder2breathe · 13/05/2017 15:18

I would suggest seeking help and advice on how to stop your child biting.

If your attitude has been like this to the nursery then I'm not surprised they've removed your child. Many children go through biting stages, but it's horrible for other children to get bitten repeatedly and if you've not shown any inclination to work with the nursery to improve your child's behaviour and stop the biting then of course they remove your child.

gandalf456 · 13/05/2017 15:25

We dont know that op hasn't tried to stop the biting or not tried to work with the nursery. It's also very difficult if you're not there -especially if the behaviour may not happen at home .

I can understand other parents complaining but i feel sorry for the op. I would feel devastated. I'm sure op would not want her child to bite any more than a parent would want their child bitten.

I agree with the person who said they would not want their child there after this anyway. I do think it's possibly wise to reconsider that type of childcare for now too as someone else said.

If you feel you have been treated poorly, write a letter to the manager

TheMysteriousJackelope · 13/05/2017 15:28

As others have posted, if you want to return to that nursery, ask for their advice on how to stop the biting.

One of my DDs went through a biting phase from 2.5 - 3 years She only bit me and it hurt terribly. I am glad she didn't bite anyone else and I have no idea why I was her preferred victim. It would have been horrible for a similarly aged child to have experienced that especially every day, and I wouldn't have sent her to pre-school if she was in the habit of biting children three.

She stopped as the first time DH saw her he sent the rest of the family out for a nice afternoon at the beach while DD had to stay at home and sit on the sofa next to him all afternoon. That bored and aggravated her so much she never bit me, or anyone else, again.

This is likely just a phase and your DS will grow out of it. I imagine the nursery will take him back in a few weeks or months once he's got past it. If they can give you advice on how to speed this up, then that would be good.

gooseygander88 · 13/05/2017 22:09

Before you all start having ago at the parent, with experience of working Ina nursery children usually bite because they can't express what they want, need etc quick enough so just bite. Maybe another child provoked the situation etc, or could be teething. There's so many explanations and it usually fades out within a month of possibly a few. We tend to 'shadow' the child and would never exclude them from activities etc just keep an extra eye or 1-1 no way should a 2.5 year old be excluded from nursery they don't understand! I know it must be hard for the child/victims parents when collecting etc but if the nursery followed it up correctly maybe the reason why the child is bitting could be prevented. I would honestly look into a new nursery/childminder maybe if they are quick enough to exclude do they actually help/support children! Just saying!

Shockedshell · 13/05/2017 22:53

OP find a new setting and try and put this behind you.

My little one was excluded from his nursery just before Christmas last year (2.5yrs old at the time) due to behavioural problems. The nursery told me he was so bad he needed full time one to one support the whole time he was in their care and they couldn't keep providing this without additional funding.

I was heartbroken at the time and furious with the nursery. I was advised to complain to OFSTED by the head of our local councils Early Years Team for the quote "shocking treatment" we had received from a supposedly "outstanding" "inclusive" nursery.

I really didn't think any other nursery would take him under the circumstances but the Early Years Team helped us find an alternative nursery who were happy to take him despite the issues.

Five months on I couldn't be happier, his new nursery rarely have an issue with him plus, he is so much happier in himself.

I'll never know why but, looking back, he was clearly very unhappy in his first nursery and his behaviour was the only way he could express that unhappiness.

Mum2jenny · 13/05/2017 23:00

Most children bite others at some point, so I think this is just a phase and your DC will get past this. I think the nursery had been a bit protective in banning your DC though.

Wolfiefan · 13/05/2017 23:04

Two kids here. Neither has ever bitten. Not all kids do.
We can't know if the nursery is BU as the OP hasn't come back. If this child is biting others each day then they have to protect the other children.

Instasista · 13/05/2017 23:06

Biting is very common. There must be more to it?

m0therofdragons · 14/05/2017 06:14

I don't think most bite is true but I have 3 and dd2 was a biter at that age (mostly only her twin sister who used to really subtly wind her up). Dd3 once had a bite mark on her cheek that stayed for a few days. The other 2 I would put them on the step etc but dd2 just didn't give a crap and would bite then put herself on the step. I ended up calmly biting her back on the arm to show her it hurt (hated doing it but I'd run out of options). It actually worked. I also made sure she knew I would listen to her as her problem was communication. Her sister would interrupt her and was quicker at jumping in and getting her sentences out.
Did nursery talk about it before or just out of the blue? I think I'd consider a cm who would have more time to pick up on things escalating and prevent the biting. As a fellow parent of a biter, op it's really hard and not a reflection on your parenting. It is a phase and doesn't last but you do need to tackle it and that means being firm. Good luck.

sanityisamyth · 14/05/2017 07:21

My DS went through a biting phase and nursery were fab with him. I was always really supportive of all their policies and they came up with good strategies to support my DS when he was biting, or misbehaving generally.

You need to work with the nursery, not against them.

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