How to get a breastfed baby ready for nursery?! Naps and bottles are a nightmare!

[ellieandevie]

Hi everyone - total newbie here! Couldn't find a thread that covers this...

My lo is 8 months and is going to be starting nursery in a month. She's breastfed and I'd like to continue with it in the evenings and night around my work. So during the day she would have expressed milk from a bottle/cup (trying to avoid formula yet if I can).
My health visitor has told me that she's unlikely to take a bottle from me when she knows she can have the real thing - but there's no one else around to try it for me. She's a chunky baby and HV said that she won't starve, so long as she doesn't dehydrate and has wet nappies she'll be OK.
I've tried bottles and sippy cups, water and expressed milk, sat in highchair, on my lap, lying in bed and she hardly takes anything.
Normally, she's only breastfed before a nap where she nurses to sleep, and sometimes again straight after. I'm struggling to find an alternative way to get her to sleep without nursing and when/how to give her expressed milk. She gets so frustrated!
She eats solids but hardly any of it actually makes it inside so her main nutrition and food is still milk. So worried that she'll just hold out and go hungry and only sleep through sheer exhaustion.
Any tips/experiences very very welcome!!
Thank you xxx

You probably won't like this answer, but the thing is, your little one will simply adapt. In my experience, you won't be able to get her to take EBM from you via any other means than the old-fashioned way!
But that doesn't mean she isn't capable of telling you apart from other people. She will understand that others don't BF her, and she will take milk from them eventually.
I had the very same issue and my DC never took a bottle from me (and I really really tried). She did take formula at nursery for a bit, but never really liked it, I think she had water instead really. And then at 1 it was onto cow's milk.
Have a chat to the nursery... I think your situation is very common. It's disheartening when you are trying everything to get your baby to take EBM from a cup bottle etc - but she probably never will, not from you anyway. When you're removed from the situation, the situation changes.

Babies behave differently for other people in my experience. How long will you be away from her? My boy wouldn't take any milk from other containers, so he didn't have any milk when I wasn't there, and I didn't pump etc at work either. He only drank water (wasn't offered formula or cow's milk).
I was only away for 4 hours at a time till he was a year, then 9 hours.
(We continued breastfeeding until he was 2.5, so my absences during the working week were not issue.)

Try not to worry! She might take EBM at nursery, she might not but so long as she has plenty of boob access evening, night and first thing then she won't lose out. She may reverse cycle though and want to nurse all night, so be prepared for that!

Both my kids have kept on nursing long term (the 2 1/2 year old is doing so currently) having been at nursery since 10 months old. My eldest never touched expressed milk and got by on water and food - not that he ate masses until nearer 15 months (but he nursed all night). My daughter is a gannet and happily guzzles EBM for as long as I could be bothered to pump as well as food.

Try and enjoy your last month of maternity leave. Babies are really adaptable and you will find a way that works for you both.

Exactly same situation with both my DC - although they were 6 months old when I went back to work. Both refused bottle or cup. First few days at nursery they wouldn't drink but had a couple of spoons of veg or fruit purée. Then realised there was no other option and within 3-4 weeks were drinking a reasonable amount. I carried on BF morning, evenings (and nights with DS) and on the four days I wasn't working. I had built up expressed milk in freezer before I went back to work (though most got thrown away in first month as wouldn't drink it) and expressed at work in lunch hour - for about six weeks for DD and 3 months for DS. They did get occasional bottles of formula from 7-12 months but still 90%+ BF and I kept BF to 14 months for both.

Definitely did no harm in short or long term other than stressing me and them getting a bit hungry - which did mean a lot of evening feeding!

Same as others have said - don't worry!

My DD started nursery at 9 months when she was a bottle refusing, feed to sleep, awkward (but lovely) little thing. When she was at nursery (8-5, 9 hours) she just took water from a cup (diody cups were best) and then we continued to BF morning and night for about a year.

Lots of yoghurts and milky foods to keep nutrients up, and then in a few months she will get better at drinking and then you can give cows milk as a drink during the day when you're not there (my DD started taking this at about 10months).

Also I've no idea how they worked it out with naps, but she slept at nursery fine, albeit not for as long as at home, but it worked. I guess they do it for a job so they know the tricks!

They adapt amazingly well.

Thank you so much all of you for your advice! So comforting and I think that's what I needed most!
Think I'll keep offering her ebm before feeds so cups are familiar to her when she's away from me but try not to worry when she refuses it! Will send her into nursery with yogurts and porridge so she's getting some nutrition still.
As for naps... who knows! I might have a go at soothing her back to sleep instead of nursing when she wakes during the day, but we'll see.
I work irregular shifts, so could be full days of 9-6 or half days so no chance of routine even that way. Not sure what my boobs will make of this!!
Fingers crossed I guess!

I speak as the mum of 3 DC who have all been solely BF and two of whom were hard work to get to sleep without nursing. I can honestly say they all just adjusted and found their way at nursery. My one who was hardest to get to sleep at home literally lay on a bed of her own accord there and dozed off for 2 hours whilst I was grateful for 40 mins after nursing and shushing her to sleep! It's been both amazing, reassuring and infuriating at times!

I was stressed massively each time it came to settling them in accorded each time it was far easier than I anticipated. I'm sure your DC will be fine.

I know this was posted a while back but I'm exactly in the same situation and was looking for reassurance! My DD is 8 months old and I'll be returning to work when she is 11 months. Currently she's BF and on solids too (when she fancies it!) and like others on here she feeds to sleep/nap and although is a dream sleeper at night will only nap on me, on someone else, on the move or in the car! Never in her cot! I was beginning to panic with returning to work especially as I'm hoping to continue to BF. Good to hear that I'm not alone in this situation! For those of you who expressed, how did you get on doing this at work?

I worried about this when DS started at 13 months old. For the first couple of days we took a bottle with him but he just wasn't interested. It took a while to settle into his naps, but now 3 months later he naps like a dream for them. Has feeds at night after nursery and at bedtime, but he adapted brilliantly very quickly.

That's good to hear! I'm not expecting her to settle in straight away but it's reassuring to know they adapt pretty well. As for BF it's my aim to do it after nursery and before bedtime too so good to know this is working for you. Thanks for the reassurance.

Its no problem, hope you have a similar situation! He can still be a bit of a boob monster at weekends Just to give you heads up! Hope all goes well x

hi
So glad this chat is still going!
My DD is due in nursery this coming week and Im feeling completely overwhelmed and just can't think straight. I feel like she needs to BF for comfort and that if she doesn't get it she's just going to howl all day. Am I wrong? I guess she will be upset but perhaps I'm over dramatising it and she'll get on with having water/formula instead. I'll be BF in the evening, at night and in the morning.
I've bought some follow on milk to give her in the day but it grieves me to give it to her but I'm struggling to breast pump. My boobs only seem to want to give milk when they have the real thing demanding from them and its exhausting pumping for an hour to only get 100ml if that. Plus my job is on the road so I'd be in a car - not sure how ill pump like that?
My other question is - if she's having no milk during the day for 3 days in the week (while I'm at work) will she be ok with then having more during the rest of the week or will that just confuse matters?
Any thoughts, very welcome! xx

This sounds just like me! I used to suffer terribly with anxiety and I'm feeling overwhelmed at the moment with the whole pumping situation too. I'm getting 3oz max at the moment but DD seems to be totally satisfied with what I produce for her when she's feeding. Really am not wanting to give her formula either. I'm sure she'll drink what she's given if I'm not around but still so difficult to imagine. Especially the whole comfort thing too! Hopefully some good advice out there from someone in the same situation.

You’ll find she changes so much over the next 3 months - probably loving food more and bf less which will make life easier- still I understand your worries cos that’s exactly what I was thinking 3 months ago and still am 🤪
I think most of the worry is coming from me and actually she’ll be fine, I’d just like a magic someone to tell me that! When you’re bf it seems all the harder to let them go. I’m thinking tho if she’s away from me in the day I’ll have surplus milk which might make pumping easier? So I can’t make much in advance but will be able to get it as I go.
Bottom line- we have to trust we’ve given them a great and confident start and this is a new opportunity for them to flourish, a new stage of growth and we can help them do it. I’ll let you know how I get on over the next few weeks... xx

You're totally right!! Just got to think of it as a new stage in their life. That'd be great if you could update me with how things go. Good luck with it all! X

Thank you
Btw re your initial post- my DD took a bottle from me once she could make the bottle ‘her own’ ie She didn’t want me to hold it she wanted it for herself and after that anyone could feed her so I was able to take a day off here and there.
The way I got her to do it (because previously she had flat refused it from anyone) she was around 7 months, when she was eating breakfast I pumped a bit of milk, maybe an oz, then when she’s finished I just handed it to her for ‘desert’ and she just drank it straight up. From then on she just saw it as another way to have food- I think once they’re confident about food it makes it easier some how. Anyway my friend tried it and it worked for her so I hope it works for you too!

Same situation here but with th added fun that my expressed milk goes off abnormally quickly for some reason - no idea why, other than apparently some women have a higher lipase content in their milk so it goes off quicker! So even if she will take a bottle (doubtful, but possible), it will be really hard for me to express enough to meet her needs whilst a nursery four days per week. She also appears to be having a weaning regression - at her best I could get her to eat roughly three Ella’s Kitchen pouches per day, at the moment she usually only eats half of one at a time and just wants boob. Eek. Naps are still only lap naps after feeds (still latched on) or pushchair naps. Our attempts to sleep train her at night eventually failed after six weeks trying pick up out down - I think we were unlucky as she got a bad cold and was teething and got to the stage where she really just needed the comfort of the boob I think.

All in all, it is not looking good for a smooth start at nursery - any tips welcome as I am now pretty panicky!

I have high lipase too but it doesn’t mean your milk is going off it just means the taste has changed so no need to worry x

I didn't mention the weaning issue in my initial post but this seems to be happening with my daughter too. When we began weaning she was into everything but now she's barely eating (well compared to before). She seems to have gone off my cooking though!! Ella seems to please her but not mummy's cooking!! Oh it's all fun and games isn't it?!

Oh my goodness mine did exactly the same- she loved it then she wasn’t interested. It’s all a phase to keep us on our toes!!