Ok i really need some advice on how to handle this pls?

[pucca]

dd is 3YO, and i am currently paying for 2 sessions a week to ease he into starting nursery at easter, the nursery is one adjoined to a primary school.

However she has been to about 3 sessions so far and has really enjoyed it (i think lol), she went on Thurs even though she was full of a cold (wasnt sure to send her or not but she chose to go) today she seemed ok until we got there, then burst into tears, grabbing at me and said she didnt feel well (cold is almost gone now)so i spoke to the teacher and we sort of said to take her home...but i am pretty sure she was trying it on iykwim so she is due to go again on Thurs do i take her no matter what and just walk out if she cries?

It sounds awful but she really needs to go, i want her to enjoy it though and feel i am going to have a battle on my hands.She is quite shy and quiet but i know once she gets used to it she will love it.

Any advice really appreciated please

Can you leave something "precsious" with her

Something that you will come back for

A purse/spare key/jewellry etc

That may reassure her that you wil come back

Is there any type of comfort toy that she might take?

When mine were at this stage (and it is a stage - it does pass eventually) I would have to hand them to a member of staff and then say goodbye and leave. If I waited until they were settled I could be there all day. Usually they settled fairly quickly after I had left.

They all do this! They suddenly realise that they aren't going to see you for a while and they get all anxious, but if you ask the staff they'll tell you that once you've gone they are as right as rain!

It's perfectly normal but extremely heartbreaking. dd wasn't too bad, but ds was, and still is at times, awful! I have left the nursery loads of times and burst into tears!

Does your dd have a comforter? Something that she goes to bed with every night? If you take this it often helps to settle them. If not then perhaps an old unwashed t-shirt of yours.

Once she knows the routine of it all she will settle down. At first it was new and exciting but now she realises that this is a regular thing and she is getting anxious about being separated from you. But then she'll realise that you are coming back. You'll find that she'll do this every Monday too!

She will settle down I promise and I'm sure the staff have seen it loads of times and know how to handle it. She'll accept school MUCH better if she's had some time at nursery first.

You have my every sympathy though!

Thanks for replying

I don't think it is a worry that i won't come back, she is quite sensitive and i think she is a little taken back by there being so many "strangers" there...kids and adults iykwim.

Today she was almost clawing at me i felt terrible tbh, but i know once she gets into going she will love it.

Oh yes, always say goodbye, never just disappear as apparently this frightens them and they become more anxious. It's hard but do make sure that you kiss her and say a cheery bye before you rush out of the door and sniffle into your hanky!

Have you stayed at the previous sessions?

Thanks Rhubarb...she doesnt have a comforter apart from her dummy (i know i know lol) the thing is is she has been pestering me to go to "school" like her cousin etc for ages, and now she seems to have changed her mind

I'd go with.......If you are good/stay you can have xyz, on the way home...it's bribery - but it works

KM...No, the only time i have been there is when we went to check out the nursery and she stayed for 10 mins to have a little play, since starting properly she has been really good, kissed me goodbye.

Might be an idea to go shopping for a special teddy to take with her!

I had a frog brooch and I told dd that it was a magic frog and if I pinned it to her I would know what she was doing and would be able to keep my eye on her.

It did work!

That's a lovely idea from Katymac (who is a childminder, IIRC, so has a lot of experience of helping children to settle).

Ds is 3.5 and has just started nursery (the 2.5 hour sessions). I just talked to him a lot about nursery, what would happen, who would be taking him and picking him up. Made a point of discussing all the fun things he would be doing while he was there.

May be worth calling and leaving a message for the teacher so you can have a quick chat about how to handle it. Sounds like it's the first time you will have 'left' her in a childcare setting? So you are both getting used to it. She will settle down, honest! But she may need a bit of reassurance that you will come back for her if she's not used to being left. Talk up how exciting it is, so she sees that you are positive about it (if you are worried, she probably picks up on it). Use an excited tone of voice, and get her speculating about exactly what she's going to do.

HTH

when i leave my ds at nursery i never actually say the words 'goodbye' to him and the nursery staff know not to peel him off me saying "say goodbye to muumy" instead my phrase to him is
"have fun and i'll see you soon"
it works most of the time

Thanks everyone

Some really good ideas, which i will try on her, i guess i am going to have to just bite the bullet and get her through it...do you think it is a good idea to maybe stay with her for 5 mins? or should i literally leave asap?

I'm the "prepare on your way, say goodbye & go"

If you want phone 15 mins later - they won't mind

Well i had sort of talked her round, but when we got to nursery the teacher was off sick so it was all strange again! different room, different kids, different teacher so of course she was very very upset but just had to walk away...horrible feeling though i could hear her screaming and crying from outside but have just phoned and they said she ok.