14 month seems to prefer key worker

8 replies

Poppet77 · 08/10/2015 18:44

My 14 month daughter has been going 4 days a week to nursery for just over 5 weeks now. Initially she took ages to settle in and she had terrible separation anxiety and we spent 3 weeks of settling her in before leaving her. But for the last 5 weeks she has become increasingly settled. However, I am now worried that the separation has affected our (my husband and my) relationship with her, as on 3 separate occasions in the last couple of weeks she has cried out for her key worker when we have picked her up (twice with me). She has made a fuss and put her arms out to her to go from us and then wailed when we try to take her back. I find this worrying. Is it normal? Obviously I really want her to be close to her key worker but not at the expense of our relationship with her. She is in nursery for 4 full days (7.30 -5pm) so worried that this is too much separation and it is negatively affecting our relationship. The nursery say she is super happy when there and they are clearly all very fond of her. Her key worker seems delighted with her reaction when she wants to go to her, and I feel crushed!

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getyourgeekon · 08/10/2015 21:37

It is tough but I do think it's normal and it is good for her to develop an attachment to her key worker. It's a difficult age in terms of identity and seperation, we are a bit past that age now but I do remember finding it tough myself. Can you have a chat with the nursery? I've always been pretty open about things and they've been helpful.
Not sure if it's reassuring (?!) but last night my 2yo asked me to draw a portrait of his key worker and then kissed it! I am always very positive about their relationship to him and maybe it's a bit easier now he can express himself more and give me proper cuddles etc

Audweb81 · 08/10/2015 21:41

Today my two year old refused to leave her childminders house until I bribed her with popcorn. She quite often doesn't want to leave. I just laugh, I'm delighted that she has a good attachment as it means that I never have to i about her when I'm at work. I view it as a positive, she has good attachments to my friends and family, so this is good for her too

HSMMaCM · 09/10/2015 11:19

It's normal. It doesn't mean they love you any less, it just means you've chosen great childcare.

insancerre · 09/10/2015 18:56

All the research shows that children can form multiple attachments and this doesn't affect their primary attachment
The research also shows that multiple attachments are hugely beneficial for children
It does show that you have chosen great childcare

AnotherCider · 09/10/2015 18:58

A lot of children find the process of change unsettling. It's not that she doesn't want to be with your and her father, but that she doesn't want to say goodbye to her keyworker. They are two SEPARATE things, and you need to split them in your mind.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 09/10/2015 19:00

If it's any consolation I was a SAHM for DD and once she told me that she wished another mum was her mum!

Original poster

Poppet77 · 09/10/2015 19:48

Thank you all for the reassuring comments which have made me feel a lot better. I have been so worried that it was a reflection that our bond with her was damaged. I have been thinking perhaps she is secure in our bond that she perfectly happy to leave us to go to nursery, but if she is in the process of forming a secure bond with her key worker maybe it is more upsetting for her to leave her than leave us. I am no expert but that would sort of make sense.

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dontcallus · 09/10/2015 22:27

Agree with all above, very very normal and actually a good sign.

anothercider is absolutely right.

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