How cross would you be about your toddler sitting in poo without being changed/no one has noticed?

[Whoknewitcouldbeso]

I'm trying to gauge how pissed off I feel against how pissed off I should be?

Since the first week of Sept my nearly three year old has been left in his poo three times. First two times I talked to various members of staff asking that they check on him occasionally and just check he hasn't done a poo.

He poos normally once a day in the morning. He used to do one afternoon session and one morning session, so he only pooed there occasionally. Now he goes to three morning sessions a week and obviously now the likelihood is he will poo at pre school if he doesn't go early morning.

He has speech delay but will tell you he has soiled himself if you ask him. I walked in today, noticed he was sitting in the middle of the room on his own, subdued, whilst everyone was busying themselves for lunch. Directly he saw me he told me he had done a poo. It was very wet and had spilled outside his nappy so required a full change, which I did.

I feel upset because I'm not sure if it's showing a lack of care, but I like the pre school and they are really active with regard to his speech delay and SALT involvement etc. they are also attached to the primary I want him to go to.

I've decided that if it happens again I shall put something in writing but it would be good to get other peoples thoughts on the latter and whether my expectations are too high.

My other worry is I was going to put him in for 2.5 days a week once his funding starts in Jan but I'm now thinking would they leave him in a shitty nappy all day!!?

It happens. Do you spot straight away at homes when he poos? I'm sure he's not been sitting in it for long.

I would be cross. Once is excusable, but three times in six weeks really isn't.

I took it up with the nursery manager, and things changed - or at least they were better at changing him 5 minutes before my predictable arrival time, which amounts to the same thing.

(I could tell from the nappy rash and the fact it was dried on that it had been there some time)

Have you spoken to them about it? If not, then I would say something. It doesn't have to be accusatory, and remember that when you have a roomful of toddlers its not always easy to notice straight away if one needs a change. IME toddlers fart a lot too, so the rooms often smell in nurseries and its not always obvious whether its just gas or something more! But if you feel your DC is not being adequately looked after, speak up! If it persists as an issue, then by all means put it in writing.

I think today upset me a bit because he looked really lost in the room and told me he was sitting in poo from across the room. I am sure that if someone had gone up to him and asked if he was ok he would have told them.

I have absolutely talked to then about it each time. Very calmy, reiterating that he is likely too poo in the morning session and it would be great if they could check periodically. I totally accept these things happen and his poos don't smell terrible so you wouldn't necessarily know immediately that he needed changing.

And yep at home he is changed pretty much straight away as he tells me and I check.

Well it happened only the once to my son and i pulled him straight out. He didnt go back the next day, i phoned and told them why and i reported them to the early years team. Angry? I was fucking apoplectic! 3 times?

There is a part of me that things I am sometimes too reasonable about things, but the staff are genuinely lovely so it never feels intentional. Plus his speech delay doesn't help as other children presumably seek the staff out and tell them. As he gets older I'm hoping he will actively tell them and perhaps it will be less of a problem.

Am amazed they don't check the children before the parents come to collect them!

I would contact them and mention what has happened and ask them what procedures they have in place for checking whether the children need changing. Do they rely on the children mentioning it themselves, do they do checks based on time ie every 15, 30, 45 or 60 minutes? and ask if they have procedures, how is your son being missed? If they rely on the children asking themselves, could they set up a checking system for your son?

If you are happy with the reply, give them another chance otherwise I think you need to look for another pre school who are more supportive.

Happened once. I rang up and spoke to the head of the nursery unit and it has not happened again, If it did I would take him out. He had managed to smear it on his pants and you could smell it. How anyone can miss that particular smell i don't know! I would talk to them again definitely as I think it does show a lack of care.

That's crap!

The nurseries I've worked at had a two hour policy for every child and poos were dealt with straight away.

Speak to the manager and request half hourly obs until they can you know actually change him when it's apparent.

f1fan that's a really good reply, asking them what procedures they have for checking is something I haven't done, I'm too bloody reasonable!

I don't even know who is in charge anymore as they've had problems with staffing, senior people have left and I have no idea who has taken their place. They have got very strict about collecting fees early but don't seem to have bothered to have kept the parents informed about who is running the place.

Ok, I think I need to stop acting so amenable and get this sorted or get him moved. There are other nurseries about, I just liked the idea of him moving up with a friendship group and as the nursery is

..... affiliated with the school it made sense to leave him there.

It only makes sense to leave him there if you are satisfied that he's being properly looked after. It really is okay to ask questions and be pro-active with the staff. You're probably paying them a sizeable chunk of your income and making sure you're happy with the care your DS is receiving is essential to the success of their business. If you feel they're falling down on basic care they need to know and rectify that. Otherwise, don't be afraid to withdraw him and to be honest about why you're doing so.

I have just emailed the two other pre schools in my locality and asked for appointments to view. They both offer Early Year funding.

My concern is that they are both affiliated with other schools. Does that matter if I decide to apply to the original school that's affiliated with the pre school he is currently in? It's meant to be the best Primary in the area and we are in one of the villages within its catchment. I assume this is more important criteria than him having attended the pre school?

You'd have to check what the criteria of your LEA are, but in my area whether you go to the pre-school or not doesn't affect the allocation of places at 4+.

Good idea to ask about their policy. If it is to rely on children to tell them, then they should have a separate plan for children with speech and language needs.

In my area the pre school makes no difference to school place allocation, but you are right to consider that he will probably go to school with children he knows if you are likely to get into that school.

2 and 3 year olds are smelly people, but having raised the issue, it should be being monitored.