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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Reassurance please? First days at nursery done, feel like a terrible mother.

16 replies

NewMumSept2014 · 31/07/2015 21:48

Hi,
I have a 10mo DD and I now have to go back to work from mat leave next week (full time).
I had 2 "weaning days" with her yesterday and today where she stayed for 2 hours (I stayed with her for first 10 mins or so to help her settle in). Yesterday was a bit of a disaster, she got tired, they tried to put her to bed and she screamed so they eventually got her to sleep in a swing. Today when I came to pick her up she was vvv tired but had refused to even take a bottle for them. Both days when I got her home she's been very out of sorts, clingy, wanting held etc and when going to sleep has been hard to settle- crying every time i go out of the room and needing multiple reassurances that I'm still there.

The background to this is that I have very little family nearby and husband has been working a lot so she's used to me always being there. The longest Ive left her before was with DH for a couple of hours to get my hair done and until last week no-one but me has ever put her down for a sleep.

She's obviously so distressed at being left and doesn't understand what's happening and it's breaking my heart. I feel like the worst mother ever. I really don't have a choice on going back to work or the hours I have to do, so I don't really know what I'm asking but I'm hoping someone will tell me this has happened to them and that it gets better quickly? Also, I'm back in work on wednesday but had planned to leave her in half days monday and tuesday to help get her settled in. Nursery staff (who seem really good) say it would help her settle quicker if I left her in full days from the start. Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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IntellectualLlama · 31/07/2015 22:01

My DD went to nursery at 10 months. My family situation was similar to yours and I was the only one who had ever got her to sleep before she went to nursery.

She struggled for the first two or three settling in sessions- they had to call me in after an hour the second time as she was just constantly crying. But then she went for a half day and was ok and did a couple of almost full days the week before I went back to work and was fine. The nursery staff told me that it is much easier for both them and the child when the child is there for the whole day as then they just slot into the nursery routine.

I was really worried about the whole process, but I just kept telling myself that we had done our best to choose a good nursery and the staff there were experienced at looking after babies and settling newcomers.

DD is now 23 months and absolutely loves nursery - talks about the staff and other kids all the time and says they are all 'friends'!

Kennington · 31/07/2015 22:06

Hi don't worry about milk - my daughter always refused. In the end I told them to give up.
My child took a while to settle at drop off - it is the pick up when assessing their mood is important.
Also the days are long and busy so it is normal for her to be out of sorts.
As they get a little older they start to make friends too.

mycrazytoddler · 31/07/2015 23:23

This was me.......4 months ago!!! Absolutely broke my heart, but please dont beat yourself up, it does get better!!! Took about 6 or 7 weeks to settle, DS wouldnt eat or go to the toilet at nursery etc BUT, and with huge efforts by the staff (especially DS keyworker) I can now drop off without tears, he eats and im really happy with the progress DS has made!!
Stay positive, it will take abit of getting used to (for you & DD).....but it will get easier!!!

mycrazytoddler · 31/07/2015 23:43

PS: with the settling in, I'd see how Monday goes......maybe plan to leave her half day, but (if nursery allow) try and stretch it past a half day, as long as DD is ok, then same Tuesday?!
This is pretty much how we done it, gradully building up......but I did have the luxury of putting DS in nursery 6 weeks before I went back to work AND my nursery were really helpful in supporting this!! Goodluck x

Reginamangina · 01/08/2015 00:13

My Dc was older when she went to nursery (14m) & the nursery keep phoning me -after her settling in days- to come get her early because she was hysterical. It was most inconvenient with work. She settled down after a couple of weeks when the nursery started to give her a dummy to stop her crying (but that's a whole other rant) Nurseryended up a fantastic experience for my dc, her confidence and social skills are amazing and she had no issues at all with starting school. Any initial guilt was swept away when I saw how much she was thriving.

Nolim · 01/08/2015 16:18

It will get better. It did for my lo.

Milkyway1304 · 01/08/2015 16:28

I went back full time at that stage. Lots of tears and clingy behaviour to start with but at 15months she loves it. Laughs, runs off and waves bye in the morning. She has bonded well with the staff. She eats well there and is very happy.

Original poster

NewMumSept2014 · 02/08/2015 08:23

Thanks everyone for replying. It's just so tough seeing her so out of sorts and I still feel guilty but I know it's the best thing for her. She now got a cold too so I'm hoping that's part of the reason she's been a bit strange too. I'll plan to leave her in a full day tomorrow and see how it goes.

OP posts:

Greenstone · 01/09/2015 15:37

Hi op just wondering has she settled at all yet? Same worries here with my 10 month old :(

LovelyTrees · 03/09/2015 09:39

I'm wondering the same OP. Hope you're into a good routine now?

Greenstone · 03/09/2015 09:48

Is your baby just starting nursery LovelyTrees?

LovelyTrees · 03/09/2015 11:09

Yes Greenstone. Did her first full day on Tuesday. It was awful we were both in tears, although she didn't see me crying.

How are you finding nursery with your DC?

Greenstone · 03/09/2015 11:30

It's not great so far :( She is just 10 months and has cried every morning when I left her. We've done 3 settling in sessions and she's on day 4 of a longer day today. I know the unsettledness is normal but I hate it. She's also fighting the good fight regards naptime and only going down for half an hour here and there hours after her usual naptime should be, and has already picked up a cold which is making things much worse.
She is apparently happy enough once I'm gone, but I'm feeling really glum about it all and worried about the non-napping.

I just want this part to be over!

How old is your little one?

LovelyTrees · 03/09/2015 20:10

Greenstone my DD just turned 1. I stretched out mat leave as long as I could but started back at work on 1st Sept. I hoped (foolishly!) that if she was a bit older then it would be easier at nursery but she seems to really understand that i will be gone all day and she's very upset about it

Greenstone · 04/09/2015 10:26

I know, LovelyTrees, they do understand so much IMO. Was this morning any better? DD didn't cry this morning actually, she was momentarily transfixed by another baby so I was able to sneak away. She did two small naps yesterday so I am tentatively hoping that things are going in the right direction, but who knows.
I know that they will eventually succumb to the new routine and soon be very used to it - I just wish that we could fast forward to that part!

LovelyTrees · 04/09/2015 10:57

I have a glimmer of hope as this morning DD momentarily stopped crying before I handed her over to her key worker. But from the second she sees the nursery door she's basically all out crying. Her little face gets so red it makes me think she's really stressed. Its horrible. The only thing that's helping is that she does seem ok after I've picked her up, although she cries when she sees me then too. Lets hope for less stress all round next week

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