Possible Bullying at Nurery

[toniandashleigh]

Hi All

I just wondered if I could have your opinions please.

To put you in the picture my little girl has been attending nursery school since she was a year old, we then moved out of the country and she had to attend a foreign school with a completely different language spoken and now we are back in the UK and she has been attending the local nursery since the end of January. She seems to cope with change well and has never given me any cause for concern.

The week she started at the local nursery she told me another girl and called her 'a baby' throughout the day and I brushed it off thinking 'kids will be kids'. I have seen this little girl and she is twice the size of mine and has a very strong character. Yesterday I collect my daughter and she says that this girl has pulled her hair, pushed her over and thrown play dough at her during the course of the day.

This morning (for the first time ever) my little girl said she did not want to go to school I am so annoyed that someone has had this effect on her. I spoke the the team leader/manager this morning and was told that 'my daughter did not have her hair pulled and was pushed over because the kids were playing a big game' she sort of brushed it off said she would keep an eye on it and hurried off.................since when have games involved pushing and shoving!!!

The dilemma is that this is a small village the staff are really clicky with the girl's mother. I am contemplating moving her out of the nursery but she is enrolled to go to the local primary school in September (thankfully I think the other girl is enrolled somewhere else).

I'm just not sure if I am wrapping her in cotton wool or whether I am justified in thinking the way I am......

Sorry for such a long post and a bit of a moan but at 3 and a half she has so many more years of schooling ahead of her I really don't want her put off now.

I think you are absolutely justified in wanting to talk to the nursery about the situation and ask what measures they are going to put in place to support your dd to ensure that she kept safe and happy. When I had concerns about my dd, I also talked to her nursery team abut what skills I needed to help her develop in order to gain a little more resilience in situations where she didn't get her own way, or if someone was unkind to her.

However, I think it is over the top to call it bullying when you are talking about 3 year olds. According to your OP, since January there have been 2 incidents - one in the first week, and one this week. That really isn't bullying. I think you need to be careful not to label it as such.

Lots of children's games are quite physical. Children also get knocked over in the general hubbub of movement around nursery from time to time.

I would keep an eye on it, I had a situation last year with my DS where he told me he was being hit, the preschool staff denied it, I assumed my DS (aged 3) was making up stories even though he always said it was the same child and was becoming less enthusiastic about preschool. I then picked him up early and witnessed my son being hit very aggressively by the child he had told me had been hitting him. Two keyworkers were completely oblivious to it one on the phone another with her back to it.

I then started to believe my son but the preschool were pretty useless, I let it go on too long and although I agree it is unfair to label a child a bully my son was being bullied and he went from being a happy confident child to a very scared boy. We had to take him out of that preschool and put him in a much better nursery and now he has got his confidence back.

I would take this seriously although not go in saying she's being bullied but ask them to do observations to check she isn't being intimidated or targeted. I would ask about discipline for children seen hitting, pushing, name calling etc and ask them if they do circle time or nurture groups together. Ask if a child is mis behaving regularly they bring the parents in (the Mum of the child that hit my son daily for months had no idea until I told her that was why we took our son out of the preschool she was of course mortified).

I wish I had been much harder on the preschool as 3 year olds need to learn and it is up to the adults to safeguard. Find out the facts first though, it is horrible worrying your chid isn't happy at nursery x x x