Are my expectations too high?

[gizmosmama]

I'm looking at nurseries for DS to start when he is 18mo and having looked at about 20, can't seem to find one that I'm 100% happy with. Am I being too picky, is it unreasonable to expect to be 100% happy or have I just not found the right one? The main, recurring problem I'm finding is that I don't feel they really care. When they're showing me round, they seem half-hearted and just not really that bothered. The answers to my questions are not very thoughtful etc.
Too fussy, just pick one or just haven't found the right one, keep looking?

You definitely need to feel they care, but 20 is a lot to look at without feeling happy. I only had to look at two. Maybe the setting itself isn't right for you and a childminder would be more suitable?

Yes and no. You want the best for your child and anything that's not perfect is a compromise. We found every nursery we looked at wasnt as good as the CM we had used. But we had to put up with what we got as there wasnt actually any choice at all (there was literally one nursery) due to the others not having a place, plus opening hours/location/work etc. Luckily up till now (6 months in) she has loved every minute of it despite not great clenliness/resources, not great orgaistion, toiets with no toilet roll etc etc.. The chance to play with peers is probably more important for a re-schooler than the cleanliness of the toilets. However if it's a baby I would seriously consider a CM over a nursery. Again though, CMs also vary a great deal. We were lucky to find a wonderful one when DD was a baby, who just clicked with us, our values etc. You need to ask family/friends for recommendations, read ofsted reports, shortlist CMs/nurseries and visit several.

You've been to visit 20 nurseries?

What sort of questions are you asking?
I expect the staff feel that you may be one of those parents

Could explain their 'off' attitude
Maybe they arn't trying that hard to sign you up

Maybe you've been unlucky, maybe nurseries aren't for you - I cried after the first one we saw and DH rather brutally told me to lower my expectations. Fortunately he was wrong!

I would say though you won't be 100% happy, you do need to decide what you're prepared to compromise on.

The staff at DD's nursery do care and you can tell. I'm surprised that you haven't found a nursery that feels like that after seeing 20. What are you asking them?

20 ??

I am wondering what you are after.
I visit a LOT of Nurseries as part of my job, and they vary, yes, but I'd be hard pressed to find 20 in the whole City (there's nearly 400 my Team visit) that "didn't care". There are things I can pick out that aren't ideal about this one or that one, but, nursery after nursery after nursery of staff that don't care seems highly unlikely. There's got to be more to it than this.

Maybe, at (presumably less than?) 18months, you just aren't ready for him to go to a Nursery yet, and ca't imagine him as being one of a group of dc being looked after by a member of staff on minimum wage?
Maybe a childmindr might be a better route for you?

I've been to see 3 nurseries this last week as my son's current nursery is closing and I do understand the 'not caring' thing. Mostly going round with the nursery manager feels an awful like a sales pitch. Probably because it is,

Funnily enough I picked my current nursery because I was shown round by the acting manager as the other was on maternity leave. I think she was a bit clueless at the whole selling shtick and was all the more charming and convincing for it.

However if you've seen 20 and didn't like any of them I'm afraid the problem is you. A childminder or nanny might make you feel better though at 18 months he's probably keen to hang out with more kids (or maybe this is just my kid?)