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Best age to start child in nursery to avoid separation issues?

14 replies

pieceoftoast · 15/10/2014 16:53

Can anyone give any advice based on experience or knowledge of child psychology?!

DC2 is due in Feb. My working hours will mean that he will need to spend 5 hours a day in nursery, 4/5 days a week.

I want to continue working after maternity leave but am confused about at what point to return to work in order to avoid horrific separation issues.

I have no idea about this as I did not return to work after DC1, only starting work again when he had just turned 3. He adjusted easily to childcare.

Ideally, I would like to take as long as possible (up to a year/13 months including annual leave) off with baby, meaning he could be potentially up to a year old when I go back to work, but will it be problematic starting him at nursery as a relatively older baby, compared to if I started him there at, say, 8/9 months? Or is it better to start them even earlier, eg, 6 months, to avoid separation issues?

Do separation issues get worse as they get older? DC1 wasn't keen on being left when he was a baby, largely because he was an absolute boob fiend. Again, I plan/hope to breastfeed this baby for as long as we both want to (I'm aware that nursery may/may not limit our breastfeeding relationship but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it).

Just wondering if anyone had any thoughts.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
trilbydoll · 15/10/2014 18:16

This is very specific to the nursery we use, but the staff in the baby room are used to settling babies, very confident and cuddle them all the time, the kind of people you have no issue leaving your baby with. The staff in the toddler room are a bit more bright and breezy, just get on with it types, which is fine for DD because she came from the baby room but I think a bit hard for new ones starting straight into toddlers.

This is a long winded way of saying maybe find a nursery then interrogate the staff as to how nice they are Grin

Fwiw DD started at 10mo and was fine, she was so interested in the new toys and the constant stream of food she couldn't have cared less about me!

rallytog1 · 15/10/2014 21:34

From the people I know, the earlier their dcs started nursery, the easier it was to settle in. 9mo seems like a good age, as they're starting to get mobile and eat well, but the separation anxiety hasn't kicked in yet.

However of course you have to decide whether you think it's good for your dc at that age - which is a question only you can answer (I say this as someone whose dc started nursery relatively early).

Only1scoop · 15/10/2014 21:37

9 mo here started nursery 2 afternoons per week ....never had a single problem....just started reception brilliant no issues....I feel it helps with their independence and social skills ....

ElphabaTheGreen · 15/10/2014 21:55

Depends on the nursery, depends on the child. I also think that children go through patches of separation anxiety no matter when they start nursery.

I started nursery full time when I was six weeks old (yes - weeks. 1970s maternity leave didn't exist) and I can vividly remember a brief spell of separation anxiety, so I must have been three or thereabouts.

DS1, also a boob monster, and never took a bottle, started very part time in nursery when he was five months, increasing to full time when he was eight months. The only separation anxiety he has shown lasted for two or three weeks when he switched rooms just before he was two. The rest of the time he was fine. We plan on doing similar with DS2.

I think the only 'evidence' you're going to get is anecdotal, rather than scientific, as it will be different for every child and family.

ThisBitchIsResting · 15/10/2014 22:00

My childminder said in her experience it's hardest to settle children aged 1-3. After that and they're generally ready for the independent social interaction, before that (she said the earlier the better) it's easy as they're not so aware.

In my own opinion I'd always go for a childminder over a nursery for a young baby though.

HSMMaCM · 16/10/2014 11:39

Definitely depends on the child, but 9-15 months can be a tricky time. 6 months is a breeze and they just accept it as normal. Older children can understand when it's explained.

starlight1234 · 16/10/2014 11:43

I am a childminder and can say the younger the easier they have settled. But it does vary from child to child, how much time they spend solely in mums care.

pieceoftoast · 18/10/2014 15:26

Hmmmm. DH works full time so I'll be the main caregiver. Maybe I'll see about starting back on reduced hours at work when he is 6 months. Wouldn't be able to afford to put him in nursery unless I'm working at the same time to cover the cost, so sadly don't have much flexibility for settling in. I am finding myself worrying far too much about this though he could be a really easygoing baby and completely infused at being left so I guess we'll cross that bridge etc! Thanks for the comments.

OP posts:
pieceoftoast · 18/10/2014 15:26

*unfussed, not infused!

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Hatetidyingthehouse · 20/10/2014 09:47

Ds started at 10 months and suffered with separation issues for the first fortnight I would say.
We pillowed through and he's fine now

TinyTear · 20/10/2014 09:59

10 months here and no issues at all, she is now nearly 3y and loves the nursery

MewlingQuim · 20/10/2014 10:02

I work similar hours to you and DD had no problem when she started at about 10months. I think I had more seperation anxiety than she did Grin

I had also done a fair few baby groups before she started, and nursery said you could tell because she was well socialised already they may have been bullshitting me of course

A colleague of mine was adamant that starting nursery at that age was child abuse Hmm and didn't leave her DC with anyone except immediate family until 18 months old, and then the poor child had major seperation anxiety anyway.

I think younger is probably better for the baby as they just accept it as 'normal', but I also think it's best to take all the maternity leave you can afford, it's precious time together.

WhatILoved · 20/10/2014 18:02

My son started 4 days a week at 11 months. It was 2 weeks of hell then suddenly he was happy. I think it depends on the child. I had never been away from him for more than a couple of hours so it was hard for me too. Good luck x

Messygirl · 20/10/2014 18:13

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