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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

How should a tearful 2 yo be dealt with on their first day?

14 replies

noonar · 01/09/2006 09:48

My daughter, just 2, started at her nursery 2 weeks ago and seems very happy. I had one or two little concerns about the nursery, that I posted on another thread.

Today, however, when I dropped her off, there was a 2yo boy who was crying persistently for 5 mins. It was his first day, and whilst they were talking to him and trying to include him, no-one reached out to him in any phsyical way. i made a lighthearted comment;' aah, poor thing i just want to give him a big hug' as i was surprised that none was really comforting him.

The staff are kind, but young and seemed to lack insight and maturity in dealing with this child.

It's made me really concerned about how the emotional needs of the children are met there, (or not).

What should I do? Is this grounds to think about moving her? Does all this matter if my own child is settled, despite the apparent shortcomings of the staff? She only does 2 mornings by the way.

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Original poster

noonar · 01/09/2006 10:20

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OP posts:

zdl · 01/09/2006 10:28

Maybe the little boy didn't want a hug, some children push away when they're upset.

NannyStar · 01/09/2006 14:02

Hello Noonar, I second zdl's comment. I have worked at many nurseries and as a nanny privately for families and because the children are in unfamiliar surroundings with unfamiliar people they do tend to push adults away when they are upset. maybe in a few weeks time you might see little boy upset but quite happy to recieve a cuddle from the nursery staff.

Original poster

noonar · 01/09/2006 19:52

Thanks for that, it's good to have a new perspective on it. I guess that it was just upsetting to see his distress. I don't know how it was dealt with before/after I was there, so don't know if a cuddle was refused earlier or not.I just couldn't help wondering what the little boy's mum would think if she'd have seen him so upset.

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HappyMumof2 · 01/09/2006 19:59

Message withdrawn

Original poster

noonar · 01/09/2006 20:04

i don't know if it was only 5 mins, as he was crying when i arrived and crying when i left. i agree about your comment about nurseries not being like home as far as comfort goes. maybe that's why some 'experts' don't recommend them till 2.5. think that's a whole different thread, though........

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WideWebWitch · 01/09/2006 20:04

2 mornings, she's happy, I wouldn't worry tbh. And they were trying distraction, which often works with 2yos. So unless he was being ignored, I wouldn't be worried.

WideWebWitch · 01/09/2006 20:05

noonar, that is indeed a whole different thread. Plenty of people have no choice and have to use childcare.

Original poster

noonar · 01/09/2006 20:11

I totally agree, www, and have agonized over the decision about when/ where to send mine, as I know other mums do. Childcare is a tricky business.

OP posts:

oliviasmummy · 01/09/2006 21:16

My dd (2.10) goes to nursery 3 days a week, and she is very happy there, however Im lucky that she has an outgoing personality to start with and is rarely upset. I have often been astounded by the lack of social skills demonstrated by these very young girls caring for our children and in some situations they just do not act appropriately. I would mention this to the manager who may want to use it as a learning opportunity for the carers because even if they had tried to cuddle him and he didnt want it, to let him cry on his own for this length of time is unacceptable and upsetting for others around. I think its really nice that you noticed this and wanted to talk about it, btw

fatfox · 01/09/2006 21:28

Hi Noonar - I think its really nice that you noticed it as well. If it was me, I'd mention it to the staff and ask how the little boy settled after that. I wouldn't worry about it too much though; it sounds as though the staff were dealing with it and that little boy will probably love nursery once he settles in. Both mine did and nursery has made them very confident socially.

threebob · 01/09/2006 21:31

I'd actually written on my ds's starting papers not to hug him if upset because it made him worse - even if it was dh or I.

Original poster

noonar · 02/09/2006 10:48

Thanks to all for your posts. I guess it just triggered a real sense of empathy with the boy, and his mum. Interesting to learn that not all LOs want a hug. Mine are so tactile, I hadn't thought of that!

Oliviasmum, am sorry to say that the young girl dealing with it WAS the manager! She's a temp cover till FEB. Didn't realize, but the mananger I saw when we looked round is now off covering a maternity post. Felt that maybe she should've mentioned she was going, cos it was her authoritative manner/efficiency that was one of the things that impressed us.

OP posts:

reddimother · 04/09/2006 15:27

There are always ifs, buts and maybes. To put your mind at rest talk to the staff and/or manager. Just tell them what you saw and how it concerned you. You should get a response (be it satisfactory or not)and that should help you decide whether or not to leave your little one where she is.
I found that getting friendly with all the staff made it easier to voice my concerns, and for the staff to talk to me. I have seen a lot of inappropriate behaviour at my daughters nursery - which incidentally she will be leaving soon - but have always voiced my concerns. My reputation preceeds me, but when it is my childs happiness at stake - I am quite happy to carry that reputation around!

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