Clinginess due to starting nursery - does it fade?

[ceri4]

My first post on Mumsnet!My 14 month dd has been going once a week to nursery to prepare us both for when i go back to teaching part time 2.5 days each week in September. She has been around 6 times now. Next week she will be going 1.5 days. She does seem to be slowly settling and is now eating all her food there and interacting with the other children more. However whenever I take her out anywhere or there is a visitor in the house she becomes extremely clingy. I can't even stand up as she thinks I'm going to leave her. This really adds to my already guilty conscience! Does this get better over time? All her friends of the same age who are not at nursery are nowhere near as clingy so I know it isn't just her age. X

How do you leave her at nursery?

Do you just go? Or do you say goodbye?

(And welcome to MN!)

Thanks. I act all excited when we get to the car park and jolly her along - then when we get into the baby room I put her down near toys, give her a big kiss and say Mummy will be back later - then I walk straight out without looking back (i was told this is better than lingering). Her dad takes her sometimes and I don't think he 'acts' as well as I do and I think he is more hesitant. Apparently she does calm down quite quickly although through the day she 'remembers' we're not there and gets upset. I hate that she has to go but we need the money. I really feel for mums who have to put their lo's in childcare full time. x

Sounds like you're doing it really well, Ceri - it's really early days yet. Can you try to get her dad not to linger or is that awkward?

Yes her dad realises he needs to be more 'confident' when dropping her off - I think he feels a bit bewildered by it. The first time he dropped her off she wasn't too bad but the next time she was screaming dada after him and he actually phoned me in tears (not like him!)I've tried to give him a sort of lesson in how to do it - hope it is better for him and dd next time (Monday). xx

Hi ceri,

I agree that you seem to doing really well with settling your dd into nursery, it's often much worse for the parents, who have the image of their upset children in their head all day, when actually, their child is playing happily, or at least, having a cuddle and watching everyone else.

I think it is good that you are increasing her days to 1.5, as for some children, the gap between sessions can make a difference to how quickly they settle. (I am a nursey nurse so have seen this from the 'other side'.)

As for her being a cling-on, I have found this is common with children who start nursery etc.. and passes as they make the connection that you always come back. Maybe you could try saying 'Mummy's going to the kitchen/wherever, I'm coming back' whenever you have to leave the room at home, and then come back 30 seconds later, then increase the time you're away gradually. (you may already do this!)

I did find that telling an upset nursery child that mummy/daddy had gone somewhere specific, like the shops or in the car, something very simple they could understand, and repeating this over and over, really helped with some children. Parents would then reinforce this when they were leaving.

I'm sure she will settle down soon, both at home and nursery. Please feel free to post any other questions you may have, there are loads of people who have been through this on mn, plus nannies/childminders/nursery nurses with heaps of experience.

Welcome to mumsnet!

Thanks pinkandsparkly - I can't wait until the time when it is all going smoothly (if it ever does with children!) I am going back to teaching part time and so I will have 31 other people's children to care about too which will be strange after focussing on dd for the last 14 months! x

Hi all

I'm a new mum and over the past week have been considering childcare options if I return to work. I've been trying to read up on the pros and cons of the different options, especially nurseries. I've found a couple of things have been real eye openers: www.daycaresdontcare.org and, in particular, a book by Steve Biddulph 'Raising Babies, should under threes go to nursery' (available on Amazon). He pulls together all the major studies on the effects of nurseries that have been undertaken by governments around the world over the past few years. I would definitley reccomend the book to all parents with babies in daycare or those considering it (it's short and easy to read, I promise!). Scary stuff, it has certainly made me reconsider the options! Ceri, maybe it would make you and your husband reconsider too.