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dd seems really stressed and anxious about nursery

9 replies

rubles · 15/08/2006 13:27

My dd has been with a childminder for 4 days a week until recently. After she turned 2 I thought it might be time to start at some kind of group care so found a lovely nursery locally. It seemed ideal to me because there are only 7 children and so it felt intimate and warm.
She only goes for 2 days a week and still goes to the CM for the other 2 days but seems to be getting really anxious and stressed about nursery. The first week she was fine but the subsequent weeks she has cried loads and apparently cries throughout the day too saying 'I want my mummy!' etc. She was always really good at the CM so she is used to being separated from us - I wonder whether a nursery is too much for her at her age.
She talks about it when she is not there saying 'I not go nursery again' 'I not like nursery' etc. She even cries when I talk about nursery - she dissolves if I talk about one of the carers.
In the morning before breakfast I can see her fighting the tears - she does seem to be trying to be brave - she says 'I not cry. I go nursery. I big girl. I not cry' but then her face reddens and she starts to as if she can't fight it any more.
It is heartbreaking for her dad when he drops her off, and when I pick her up she runs at me and bursts into tears saying 'Daddy go work. I lost daddy. Daddy gone'.

Have I sent her too early? I don't want to traumatise the poor thing.

I would expect a bit of crying at drop off, but not on the way home in the car/when having dinner/in the bath!

I don't want to scar her for life if she's not ready - I thought she'd enjoy it!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
itsybitsy · 15/08/2006 14:11

It is so hard as you make what you think are the best decisions but until you try something new you've no idea how they'll be with it. It does seem that she is trying to tell you something though. I would probably go with my gut instinct and by posting this thread, is your instinct telling you this isn't right?

Could you ask your CM to have her for the other days again but take her to a playgroup one morning or a music/tumble tots group? That way she can have the security of a place she knows and is happy, but the social side of a group setting.

My DS1 was at nursery & CM and he never settled at nursery but loved CM. I struggled on with it as he didn't cry, he just was not bouncy & jolly going, like he was for CM - but looking back I think he didn't 'thrive' at the nursery, it was just a holding place - some children love it, some don't.

maybe set yourself a deadline of another week to try then re-think?

rubles · 15/08/2006 14:57

Did he never get 'into' nursery then? Was he better for pre-school?

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GeorginaA · 15/08/2006 15:05

I agree with itsybitsy about putting her back with the childminder but taking along to other group settings.

It does sound to me like she's not settling well and 2 is still fairly young - plenty of time yet for her to get used to group settings before school. How about trying again when she's 3 and it's easier for you to explain to her rationally about you picking her up later, etc.

GeorginaA · 15/08/2006 15:07

(FWIW, both my dses went to a nursery for 1 day a week from 9 months old - but had they reacted like your daughter at 2, then I would have had no hesitation to take them out for a bit until they were ready and I have friends who have done just that with great success)

oliveoil · 15/08/2006 15:07

Just a thought with her saying Daddy go work, Daddy gone etc

Does he leave without telling her, ie vanish without saying goodbye iyswim, to try and do a gettaway?

We did this once at MIL (when we wanted to go out for lunch), they took the girls upstairs and we ran off and they were very upset when they came back downstairs to find us gone.

acnebride · 15/08/2006 15:17

TBH I'd go straight back to the CM in these circs. I wouldn't worry too much about socialisation at this age. The CM sounds great.

Sorry if this is not helpful - haven't read whole thread.

rebecca13 · 15/08/2006 18:48

How heartbreaking is that to hear your child say those things, I feel really sorry for you!!
I used to work in a Nursery, and I found that some children were ok to begin with cuz its all new etc. but once reality hits that they will be going back etc. they tend to get a bit unsetled again. She will settle, but it depends on how long you want to give her to settle. Maybe you could think about seeing how she is after another 2 or 3 wks and then decide?
I know it must be very difficult, but im sure she will get a lot out of being their once she settles. Good luck

rubles · 16/08/2006 08:56

Thank you everybody. I thought that most people would tell me to hang in there and she'd get used to it, but the fact that generally you haven't is interesting.
I'll give it 2 more weekds then I'll hand her notice in if needs be. (Hopefully CM won't have filled her place for the other 2 days...)

OP posts:
acnebride · 16/08/2006 14:17

ring the cm if i were you and ask how actively she is filling the place? she might be willing to reserve the place for you for a bit of cash or somethign?

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