So upset - Nasty bite mark on dd's face

[laicarolyn]

I was shocked and angry dd (14 mths) was bitten again for the second time but this time the mark is nastier and almost drew blood. (1st time on her arm) i was so upset (plus my car kept giving me problems) when my car broke down in the middle of a busy road, i ended up bawling my eyes out like a baby ! got the car started again and got home, hubby called and i explained and the flood of tears started again. i was more upset with what the nusery nurse said- that dd started hitting others and probably that's why that particular child reacted. and told me not to worry as the mark will go in 3-4 days and she wasn't in a lot of pain as she only cried for 20 mins ! the nerves ! i am seriously thinking of taking her out and look for a new one but hubby said no coz it will happened again in another nusery anyway coz that's what children are all about. sorry for this long moan but i needed it. i felt like i have failed being a good mom and i am trying so hard.

This happened to my ds he is 2.3 now and it was a few months ago, I got pretty much the same reaction from the room leader - some kids hit some kids bite. I don't know whether you have already done so but I spoke to nursery manager (older and more experienced) and said I wasn't happy. I asked if there was a trigger to the biting and found out there was (my ds taking toy offer particular child) so I said that they needed to keep an eye on them and when they notice the trigger separate them. It hasn't happened for a while now so I think the biter has grown out of it but please don't think you are failing. If yuo aren't happy with nurseries response talk to them again you pay them alot they need to watch the children more closely.

My ds (14month) came home yesterday with huge bite marks on his arm and leg. They did look really bad and make me feel really bad too. However he's been biting at home and drew blood when he bit his sister so I know that it is a phase that some children go through and however eagle eyed you are it's difficult to stop it happening.

That said I think your nursery have dealt with you in a terrible way - blaming your dd for starting it is not the answer! And saying she only cried for 20 mins is even worse - my nursery said it was dealt with lots of cuddles and that was enough info for me.

As for moving nurseries - is it just one person who has said this or would any of the carers said a similar thing? Try talking to the manager and saying how up set you were. It's not the children's fault it's the way they are treated before and after something like this happens.

I'm dreading picking my ds up tonight so you must be feeling even worse - good luck!

I think that really your DH is right. It can happen in any nursery. Agree with what others say about discussing with manager. Both my children have been bitten at nursery, although fortunately for me neither of them have been biters. I realise that is a matter of luck on my part. You are being a good Mum. I think maybe you are being a bit hard on yourself.

My Dd (just 3 yrs) has been scratched (which bruised & drew blood & scabbed) by a little girl in her room who is her best friend..

I was very cross that this happened as I feel that closer supervision could avoid this.

My Dh collects DD, so he talks to the girls in the room & expressed his concern over this.

It's not the first time it's happened so I decided to call the manager & make it 'official'.

This seems to have resulted in them keeping an eye on them much more - which makes me feel better. Perhaps you could do the same, after all, you do pay for them to care for your child.

It's horrible that our precious ones have been hurt - might be worth ringing other nurserys to see how they deal with this sort of behaviour as well. Ours is a 'corporate' nursery ( she is there 3 days a week) & I don't feel the management is quite as nice & caring as it could be......but that's another thread.

Good luck

thank you so much ladies !! i knew i would feel so much better coming here. whenever i needed answers i will always come to mumsnet. Infact i am leaving work a bit earlier to have a chat with the manager. i know perhaps one day (hope not) dd will be the biter but she hasn't learn to bite yet so i am keeping my fingers crossed she will never do it to another. but she has been hitting me and DH since 2 months ago and we grabbed her hand and told her firmly no. DH's voice is a bit more thunderous than mine and would make her cry sometimes but she is still doing it. we only see her an hour in the morning then she is off to nursery, 2 hours in the evening before she goes to bed. so 3 hours a day from mon-fri .. i wish i could spend more time with her. but hey i felt so much better ladies. will update what the manager said. don't expect an apology but i hope she could come up with a plan on how to stop this from happening again.

hi girls ! sorry i was delayed. DD developed nasty rash from her MMR jab. good thing the nursery still accepts her. Spoke to the nursery manager and she is ever so understanding. She has notified the biter's parents, that's the policy, parents will be informed regarless the child is the biter or bitee. she said she will speak to the nurses and she will personally do inspection twice or more (depending her schedule) a day. She even printed some literature for me to read regarding children biting stage. I felt more at ease now and less emotional when i dropped her there. Unfortunately after 8 days, the mark is still vividly on her face. well, l am keeping my fingers crossed at the moment and will be for the next 2 years. Anyway, leggymama & mojomummy, i hope both your little darlings are ok. Hopefully they will "graduate" from the nursey safe & sound with no major scar and trauma.Sigh!

Glad to hear you've had a good out come!

Well....My little 'darling' has become a biter at nursery this week. I can't believe how up set I got over it. Found it much worse than having a bitee (both of mine have been on the receiving end a few times). I almost feel that it's a slur on me! By Tuesday night ds wasn't going to ever be invited to any bodies parties, have any friends, would turn to drink and drugs drop out and who knows what else! Feeling less hormonal today but just a bit worried about taking him in next week!

leggymama, did you manage to take dd to the nursery ? i know i shouldn't giggle but your post was funny ! the scenarios you built were OTT and definately of a wonderful & concerned mom ... like me!! giggles!! i have no doubt dd will eventually be the biter and i am going to end up worse than how you feel now ! Now that i have read your post i am beginning to understand that "biter"'s parents are equally upset as well. When dd was bitten, i make sure the nursery informed the biter's parents and hopefully when they see dd ( the mark is still there !) they would know my immeasurable pain.i always thought the parent(s) would probably just shrugged their shoulders and say "that's life". Now you have make me realised that it's not like what i thought initially ! leggymama, if you live anywhere near Cleveland, you and dss will be the first on dd's birthday invitation list !! Hope you will have a better week this week !! the weather is gorgeous too !!!

I'm sorry but if you put your child in a nursery you have to expect that they will get bitten/scratched etc. if you don't want it to happen don't put your child in nursery.

I am actually relieved when I collect my son and they say that he has been bitten rather than done the biting! It's not nice but I don't see the big deal.

Many kids go through a biting stage - if yours does not, think "there but for the grace of god etc". The ratios are not high enough for the staff to be looking at the kids all the time, especially at the 3-5 stage and if you don't like it, don't use nurseries.

I know this is unsympathetic but if your child has never bitten (or scratched/hit/punched/pushed) another child you are extremely lucky and they are a paragon! If they have and the other child is retaliating then they both just have to learn how to behave - it does not happen overnight and it's still going on at secondary school level in some cases.

I think the mental cruelty of children at school is far more painful and far more likely to lead to scarring and trauma. A few bites between 2 and 4 will be gone and forgotten about.

Helly- that's a very rational way to look at things and you're lucky being able to do that! I'm normally a very together person but when it comes to a child hurting (mine or someone elses)- I do tend to flap a bit.

I've gone from a perfectly behaved dd to an animal ds - and sometimes he's a bit shocking! This week he's learnt how to punch - I keep telling my self at least he can stand up for himself!!

Thanks for the invite to your dds party - unfortunately we're in the midlands (very lucky for you!) - would have taken you up as will probably be the first and last invite .

ps.....he has learnt to kiss this week too so not all bad

helly, you are a saint to say it's no big deal when your child is bitten. i am sorry too but i don't share your sentiment. i knew things like this happened in nurseries and the way you spoke of such situation though rational doesn't depict some mother's "instantaneous emotions". I'm afraid the moment i saw the mark i knew it looked nasty. On top of that, the nursery nurse didn't helped by telling me she only cried for 20 mins and that nasty red bruise will go away in 4-5 days. The mark though fading is still on her cheek till today. I am normally a very rational person espcially in my line of work but i have to admit at that particular moment i don't have time to go through the methodology. Instinctively i was upset. If you asked me now, i agree that things like this do happened and it doesn't matter which nursery i put her in it will still occurred. The nursery manager is ever so nice and until today she still reassures me that as long as dd is going through the hitting stage, she will instruct the nursery nurse to be extra vigilant. So i have to agree with leggymamba (oops sorry i called you leggymama in previous posts)i am first time mother and when it comes to someone hurting my child, i will flip and flap. and i can almost feel that emotional turmoil going through my mind now when ( not if )dd starts biting in nursery. i am on the internet trying to find if there is a way to prevent that at all since she hasn't start biting yet. i have actually forgotten about it and even seeing the mark on the chubby cheek doesn't bother me anymore. i just hope it will go away soon.

awww... i love it when dd started giving kisses .. unfortunately she is over that "giving kisses" stage. she is now on the stage of counting .. when we say "one" she will say "two", when we say "two" she says "two" and so on... it's always "two" ... she also knows when it's bathtime .. she will say "bubble" ... better savour all these delightful moments before they - or rather dd turned into a little monster.

leggymamba... come next year if we both are still here, you'll definately get an invite from me !! take care in the meantime.
ps: do you mind if i ask if you're a first time mommy ?

I picked up my ds from nursery one, and he had a fantastic bite mark right on the end of his nose! I couldn't get too stressed about it because the week before I had had to sign the "book of shame" when he had bitten another child. These things happen. Put a whole bunch of toddlers together, and at some point, someone is going to get bitten. Perhaps I am odd, but I just don't get that upset about it. I was MUCH more upset when he was the biter rahter than the bitee.