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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

IS IT NORMAL.....

16 replies

pucca · 03/07/2006 10:52

For a LO to love going to playgroup at first, then not want to be left?

My dd is 2.6 YO and has been going to a local playgroup 2 mornings a week for the last 3 weeks and has loved it, been really excited to go etc, but i have taken her today and she didn't want me to leave and said she wanted to go home, i have ended up "sneaking" out while she was playing and feel bloody awful now.

Do all LO's love it at first then have a bit of a set back? Will she want to still go?

It has been brilliant for her, and up to today she has loved going, even asking to go on days she doesn't iykwim, to be fair she does have a cold so that may also come into it.

TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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YeahBut · 03/07/2006 10:54

Quite normal, I think. The initial excitement has worn off and the reality of mum leaving becomes a bit more worrying. Should sort itself out soon. Have a word with the staff, I'm sure they'll put your mind at rest.

Carmenere · 03/07/2006 10:55

It's the cold, I'll bet.

Hattie05 · 03/07/2006 11:01

My dd did this also pucca, it had me worried sick as i thought perhaps something had happened at pre-school to cause this.

As it happens we had several awful weeks of tears and me having to peel her of my legs as i left (only to be told she was perfectly happy for the rest of the session!). And now we are back to she loves pre-school and is actually disappointed to find she's not going on her days off!

My advice would be to stay firm, don't discuss it too much when not there, and never cave in and take her home again if she cries ( i so nearly did many times but glad i didn't!)

Good luck!

FairyMum · 03/07/2006 11:04

It's normal to go through phases where they don't want to go. Especially at that age I would think it is quite hard to adjust to playgroup if she has never been before. Something can happen which upsets them for a while. Don't make a big deal and she's be fine!

Original poster

pucca · 03/07/2006 11:09

Thanks everyone, i thought it may be a normal-ish thing like YeahBut said, once the excitment has worn off, they break up on 17th July so hopefully once she goes back in Sept she will be excited to go again.

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LittleGreenNursery · 03/07/2006 11:11

Mine did this, fantastic first term so I thought I was home and dry, then she really kicked off. DS has been going for 5 weeks and was fine, now he is showing signs of doing the same.

pinkandsparkly · 03/07/2006 18:54

Completely normal, everything is a novelty at first and they seem to love it, then they protest and get all upset. Sometimes they can put on a bit of a show for mummy, sometimes they really are upset at having to leave mummy.

As long as she setlles quickly I wouldn't be too worried, you could hide out of sight for a few minutes to check on her if that would give you peace of mind. Her cold is probably not helping as this seems to make them more 'mummyish' anyway. Bet you if you showed up earlier than usual and tried to take her home she would go mental!!!

Kids! contrary maries aren't they.

Original poster

pucca · 06/07/2006 10:56

Have to say i have been left feeling quite angry with the manager of the nursery today

DD is still not really wanting me to leave, or infact to go to playgroup and the manager came over for a chat while i was there this morn saying things like..

"not many nurseries would be this understanding about the parent staying while the child settles in"

"you should just leave her"

I only stay 5-10mins just to get her settled so to speak (and hang at the back of the room as reassurance), then i leave, she has only been to about 5/6 sessions and the 1st 2 i stayed with her.

I know she needs to be there without me, but i don't want her to end up hating it, which she will if i just drop her off at the door atm, she is still quite wary of the situation, at the end of the day i am paying 9 pound a session for this, so surely my point of view should come into it slightly?i just don't want to sort of abandon her iykwim.

What do you all think?

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Original poster

pucca · 06/07/2006 11:02

Bump

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JessaJam · 06/07/2006 11:12

sounds like, at least, the manager needs a lesson in diplomacy...it may be best/better if you 'just leave her' rather than 'drawing out' the inevitable...but how tolerant the nursery are being is irrelevant and just servces to make you feel awkward about it silly manager. Better to have spoken to you and said ...how about seeing what happens if you don't wait for a few minutes and you just pop her downm wave a couple of toys in front of her, kiss and bye...don't worry, she does settle down after a little while...and I am a bit worried that you waiting around just delays the inevitable...

JessaJam · 06/07/2006 11:14

ds ( younger at nearly 11 months) is having a stage of crying whenever DH leaves him at nursery - which he previously never did and got excited when he arrived - it is down to attachment - a healthily attached child often cries when left by parent/carer to whom they are atatched, but can be calmed by nice people with interesting toys in a few minutes...it's not that she hates nursery, it's that she loves you...

bundle · 06/07/2006 11:16

I think it's right to leave fairly quickly, don't drag it out, and definitely not sneak out. it will really help in the long-run for her getting used to being without you and building up her confidence and independence. also you staying (even for 10 mins) affects the other children and the routine the staff have established there. sorry I agree with the manager.

Original poster

pucca · 06/07/2006 11:16

Thanks Jessajam...That is exactly what i thought, how am i now supposed to feel comfortable staying for the 5 mins or so? now i feel i have to literally throw dd through the door and run lol.

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Original poster

pucca · 06/07/2006 11:18

Thanks for your opinion Bundle, i do appreciate you giving it i just want to do what is best for my dd, of course i want her to be happy there and settled.

I must also add though there is 2 other mums who stay with their LO's (and they are there when i get there and i leave before them too) and both have been going longer than me iykwim.

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Original poster

pucca · 06/07/2006 11:25

I must also add, taking dd to these 2 sessions a week is mainly for dd's benefit but also for mine so of course i want this to work i just feel the manager was a little off hand.

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bundle · 06/07/2006 11:26

I do know that it happens pucca, but after 4 years experience (both my girls have been at nursery since they were 7 mths old for 3 days a week) during which I've helped with admin & personnel stuff at our nursery, I've noticed a pattern in those children who take the longest time to settle - among the parents who feel a need to draw out the goodbye process.

that's not to say that a good, solid settling period isn't necessary - indeed our parents are welcome to extend this if they feel their child hasn't settled, and a dialogue remains open ( i think our manager is a little more diplomatic..).

also when i'm at the nursery working in the office, i never go into the rooms, i would ask a member of staff to fetch something for me rather than let dd2 see that I was still around because that's really unsettling for her (even though now she's 3, she's been there for yonks and is v happy when i leave her in the morning)

I think the playgroup manager does need to be consistent though, with the other parents and have a cut-off for a settling period for them too . I really do wish you good luck with this, I think that the "letting go" is the hardest thing about parenthood (and the most rewarding once it works )

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