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Nurseries

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settling in advice

6 replies

micegg · 02/07/2006 21:20

Hello everyone,

This is aimed at mums and nursery staff. My DD is booked to start nursery for 2 days a week as of next week (I start back at work the week after). She is 9 months old and hasn't been looked after by anyone else before. The nursery have said I have as much of this week as I need for settling in. I have delibrately got her starting the week before I actually return to work so I can carry on the settling in period if need be. I just wondered if you have any advice. I am really worried about it all and to be honest have tears in my eyes just typing this (very silly I know as I am sure she will be fine). I would lke to know what you did/recommend for this week in terms of how often I should take her this week given she will only be going twice a week anyway, how long for each session, how long should I sit in with her for a part of each session and whats the best way for me to say goodbye. This is the hardest bit as I assume she will cry.

Can any nursery staff tell me in their experience what is a 9 month old like for settling? I know this is a bot tricky as all are different but just a general idea.

Thanks so much

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vix1 · 02/07/2006 22:18

Aww, I feel for you! I worked in a Nursery with little ones, dont be afraid to say to the staff that you are feeling a little emotional, this may make them work a tad harder for both of you! It really depends on child, and the settling in period can take a while, or be really quick! But once she has settled I should think she'll really enjoy it, especially at that age. Maybe try to go in as much as you can in 1st week, and stay with dd, maybe for all of the 1st session. Then just disapear to your car for 15 mins. Its up to you, you know your dd best. But tbh most babies and children will only cry for a short while, if they do at all, just make sure Nursery know to ring you if she really hasn't settled after X amount, or you can ring them after half hour to see how dd is. Good Luck, it will get easier!

Hattie05 · 02/07/2006 22:29

Hi, i used to work in nurseries, but now have 3yr old of my own and realise how hard it was for all those parents leaving their children with me! .

I won't lie to you, 9mths is a tricky age, because many children are just beginning to become aware of surroundings and 'strangers' and realisation that a parent has left the room. Of course your dd may not have this phase or may of already been through and out the other side.

I'm only telling you that just to prepare yourself for tears. What can be quite common is that for the first few days children are all happy and smiley thinking this new environment is great, waving mum off no probs, but on say day 3 or 4 the reality hits that its permanent and they may decide to yell when they realise you're going to leave them again. Make yourself prepared for this - it does not mean the nursery are doing anything wrong, just reality hitting home with child.

I would advise staying for one or two sessions, and then leaving her for short periods, gradually making that time longer each day. Stay firm and stick to your plan, so if you've started leaving her and then she cries, don't decide to stay again as will just give her expectations that you won't be able to keep the following week.

I always welcomed parents to stay in the building, just out of sight to make them feel more comfortable, and also encouraged them to ring in in the early days so we could reassure all was well.

If your dd does cry, the chances are it will be short lived. That inital watching you leave might make her cry, and then once she is distracted by other children and new toys, she will enjoy her day without you!

Sorry this is so long! You are not alone in feeling tearful, most of us do, but give it a week or two, and it will become second nature to drop your child off and you'll start to enjoy time to yourself again (i know its work, but i consider that time to myself also ).

Good luck x

micegg · 04/07/2006 14:10

Thanks to Vix1 and Hatie05. I just wanted you to know that all went well (so far). The nursery staff are so nice. They asked all about DDs routine, etc and my fears. We went for the first day yesterday and I stayed with DD for an hour. Within 10 mins of arriving she was off playing and seemed very happy. I therefore felt happy to leave her today. I went in with her for about half hour and then left her for an hour and a half. Apparently she didnt cry at all and ate all her lunch (normally impossible at home). I will be leving her for half a day tomorrow. I am so relieved. I had problems with my original choice of nursery and to some extent that had made me wary of nurseries but today I have had a really good experience. Fingers crossed she is as good tomorrow. I will update as I hope it will help all the other parents who are worried about LO one starting nursery.

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vix1 · 04/07/2006 15:08

Excellent! Its funny when i worked in a Nursery, most children will eat at Nursery, sit at the table, go to sleep easily etc. but at home they wont! Im sure some parents never believed us when we said they ate it all etc.!

Glad its going well and is enjoying it, good luck

Hattie05 · 04/07/2006 19:14

Glad all is going well xx

micegg · 06/07/2006 21:12

Update on settling in:

Yesterday - DD stayed for half day. When I picked her up I could hear her crying before I got to the door. She wouldn't eat her lunch. . Went home and felt shite/worse mum in universe.

DH dragged me to nursery this morning for first full day. Stopped myself from picking her up early. When I got there she was playing very happily with one of the nursery nurses (lovely woman). She had eaten and slept as normal and only cried once before her nap. Her bottom lip trembled when she saw me but was fine as soon as I picked her up. Got home tonight and had a lovely play together. Noticed she has cut another tooth which may explain yesterday??

Just wanted to say how pleased I am. Its not as bad as I thought and I have to admit I did enjoy a day of freedom (even went to meet DH for lunch!!)She starts proper days next week and I go back to work the week after. I am sure we will have wobbly days but now I know she can live without me for a whole day its a whole lot less worrying. I hope this is some help to anyone worried about settling in. I am not saying all babies are the same but really feel it was down to finding the right nursery. Good luck to anyone who has settling-in at nursery coming up.

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