Should I change nurseries or is it normal toddler behaviour?

[onlysettleforbutterflies]

My DS is 2.8 and has been going to the same nursery since he was 8 months old for 2 days a week and has always loved it in both baby room and next room up, problems have started since he went to the middle toddler room in February, he has just never settled in it, since then we have tears the nights before nursery, tears as soon as he wakes up that morning, crying on the way to nursery and very clingy and upset at drop off. He always seems fine when I pick him up and they say he is fine and plays well etc.

I don't feel a connection with the girls in this room, they don't seem particularly warm or easy to talk to and they don't seem to have the same connection with him that all the staff in previous room have had, perhaps because the ratio is bigger, they don't have the time etc. We don't get much feedback from them and have to really push for any information.

Is all of this just a coincidence because he has reached the age where he understands what is going on more and can express it, or is something really wrong? I have kept leaving it and leaving it, thinking he would soon settle, but its been going on ages now and hasn't.

There has also been a huge change in staff lately, at least 8 girls from various rooms (4 from his room) have left in the last couple of months, I have heard on the grapevine because its an awful place to work, which is obviously ringing alarm bells.

Is it time to take him out and put him somewhere else, really worried about what the upheaval will do to him, but I guess my instinct is that leaving him there will be worse. What if he is equally unhappy at the new nursery and its just that he doesn't want to go to nursery full stop, which I can't do anything about? May be he would be happy with a childminder in a smaller group, he has always had a strong attachment to a couple of the girls in all the previous rooms, but not this one.

Oh I just don't know what to do for the best...

I would book an appointment with the nursery manager, explain all you have here. Ask about staff turnover etc. See how you feel after that.

Alarm bells would be ringing for me about staff turnover, if they are a bad place to work they will only attract/keep poor quality staff.

Good luck.

I could have written your post except for the staff turnover.

The staff turnover would really worry me.

I think you need to move him. We had similar at DS1's first nursery, atmosphere changed, big staff changes (they lost a couple of brilliant staff) and he was becoming really unhappy.

I think you need to go with your feelings on this one - DS1 is a different child now he is at a nursery he's happy in.

Any nursery is only as good as it's current staff, and if there are major changes / big turnover it is effectively not the same nursery you signed him up for

Thanks for the replies, its nice to know I'm not over-reacting.

I think I have made my mind up to move him, but have requested a meeting with the nursery manager later on today, just to at least give them an opportunity to change/improve. Although when I last spoke to them it fell on deaf ears.

Appointments booked for next week to look at new nurseries.

Thanks again

Have the good staff been leaving? I ask this because if the good staff are saying it's not good to work there it's very bad and you should leave. If the bad staff are leaving and saying it's rotten it's probably because they're being forced to improve which is a good sign.

Have the good staff been leaving? I ask this because if the good staff are saying it's not good to work there it's very bad and you should leave. If the bad staff are leaving and saying it's rotten it's probably because they're being forced to improve which is a good sign.

Big staff turnover and your child being so unhappy - I would change.

Children actually cope with change pretty well ime.

Only - that happened to us, almost exactly.

I was worried about moving DS but he loves his new nursery.

I would change. Especially if I was getting bad vibes from the staff!!

All the best staff have left. Had my meeting and she said she would talk to the staff and do observations and report back. Kept me waiting 30 mins tho after I had left work early to meet her which wasn't a great start.

Find alternative care now. If all the best staff have left, it is not a nice environment for children.

We had similar with our dd when she first moved up a room, she'd just settled again when her key worker left and they then had a quick progression of changes. Went back to crying on the drive over and even if we drove past the place on a day she wasn't attending we'd get tears. Started looking at other places and there was another staff shift and literally within one week she was laughing and chatting as we dropped her there and looking forward to it. The staff really are the key, if you aren't happy go with your gut.

I moved dd in similar circumstances - utterly right move. Trust your instincts.

Move to a different nursery.
My DS became as nursery described as disruptive, he was in a middle room, claustrophobic, stuffy, dark, just nowhere to go...for months I felt as if I was a bad mother as he was unhappy, clingy when I left him to go, reports that he was biting and pushing.
I spoke to my sounding board (my Mum) who suggested that he was bored, so I mentioned to nursery about giving him more to do.
The girls changed continually too with them either leaving or announcing they were pregnant, they were so young.
To cut to the chase, I took him out and he is in pre prep school....different child. Articulate, kind, loving, confident.
I have made a big financial sacrifice, skint, but it's worth it as when he starts school in Sept 14, he will be a delightful child to teach as oppose to a horrible child...who nobody likes.
School days are meant to be the best of their lives, I will try by best to make this happen for my DS, who don't get me wrong is no angel just a typical boy!