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Is she just shy or can I do something

22 replies

Beabea · 18/03/2006 11:59

This time with a title!!

At Nursery where DD goes twice a week, she is still in the baby group of no more than 5 others. She is 18 months. Some of them are quite alot younger than her now. I feel that she would benefit from joining the bigger girls and boys in the other rooms. However she is not very confident around others. She even gets funny/clingy or upset when visitors come into the baby room.

I have spoken to the staff and they feel that emotionally she is not ready yet. Which I can fully see. However I also feel that she is missing out. She is alway rather clingy in the mother and toddler groups with me. I just wondered if there was anything I can do to encourage her to play more independantly with other children or on her own. She is a real dribbler and I still have her in bibs. (I never see any other kids in bibs so that bothers me too) I have to keep checking on her that she isnt soaked (changing every 15mins sometimes) or that her nose isnt running. She nearly always has a cold.

SHe is very happy in her little group at nursery so I dont want to upset that. But she cant stay there forever. I would also like her to eventually go to a playgroup but feel I cant until she is more confident.

We do feel like we have made a rod for our own backs running to her every whimper. She can get into such a tizz that we have always tried to nip it in the bud. I dont feel this is now amu good for her or our long term benefit.

With another baby due in Sept I hope she will have developed some independance.

Sorry this is so long. I would be grateful for any advice.

OP posts:
Beabea · 18/03/2006 12:49


OP posts:
Gloworm · 18/03/2006 12:53

i'm about to go to work, but i'll post here later Smile

Beabea · 18/03/2006 12:55

Thank you Gloworm

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biglips · 18/03/2006 13:24

i wish my 17 mths old was shy so i wouldnt be running after her all the time Wink Grin

biglips · 18/03/2006 13:25

i do hope you get all the help you will get on here though

MaloryMargotTowers · 18/03/2006 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaloryMargotTowers · 18/03/2006 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TopBanana · 18/03/2006 14:05

How long has she been going to nursery?

Beabea · 18/03/2006 14:48

TB - She has been going to Nursery since last September.

MMT - I think I meant play alongside as I notice they dont do that yet. As for the bibs, she needs the plastic on the back otherwise they just soak through all the layers. I just look forward to the day when I no longer have to put them on her. We did have a week in November! Bizzare.

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ThePrisoner · 18/03/2006 14:51

I know lots of 18 month-olds who are keener to stay with mum/dad/carer (don't like to use the word "clingy" because it sounds negative!) than to play "independently". And I also know lots of "dribbling" children of the same age!!

When your dd is ready to play alongside other children, then she will do so. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it.

Enid · 18/03/2006 14:59

can they not try her in the big room for a week?

Beabea · 18/03/2006 17:23

At the end of the day I think I trust the Nursery where she is to do the right thing. They do seem to care. There is always a waiting list so they could shove her up to let another child in but they dont.

I will try to encourage her more when I am at groups with her. We do go to a baby gym where she can play in a safe environment and play with my assistance. We also do softplay but she likes to be with someone.

I dont feel I want to make a big deal out of this but just wondered if I could make any positive changes to help her more.

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Sparklemagic · 18/03/2006 18:11

I think she probably has a cold all the time becaue she is at Nursery! All the kids I know who attend nurseries are permanently snotty because of mixing with so many other kids when they have very immature immune systems, so your DD isn't alone in this!

I think she sounds absolutely fine in her current baby group - she IS a baby, she's 18 months! Most Nurseries I know have 2 years old as the point where the kids move out of the baby room.

With the 'clingyness', I really wouldn't think of it as a problem. She needs the safety and security of being near you or her carers, so give her what she needs and don't worry! I had this with my DS at this age, and until he was about three infact...he's now really confident, will talk to anyone, settled in pre-school with no problems whatsoever...I think if you give them what they need now they will be more confident and have more self-belief. I don't know if you'll find the same thing but when I tried to encourage my son to play independently, it made him worse.

I know you have a baby on the way and I've not been in that position so was able to 'go with' my son and what he needed, but I honestly think with your DD you won't ever change her personality - you'll just have to work with her...maybe others who have been in this position will have better advice for you on coping with a clingy toddler and a new baby! good luck!

Beabea · 18/03/2006 18:29

Sparklemagic - thanks for your comments. They are helpful. I'm not worried about the colds. They just frustrate me. More so when she passes them on to DH and me. Cough cough! I do wish she would stop dribbling too. Its like a tap.

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Sparklemagic · 18/03/2006 18:35

Yes, it must be annoying with the dribbling - I didn't have this with DS so no use me giving advice on this! The only thing I would say is when I see an 18 month old in a bib, I don't think it looks odd - she is still very young indeed and I think people expect to see bibs on toddlers this young. It's all part of the 'give her what she needs' mindset - she dribbles, give her a bib and don't worry about it. She will grow out of it, it won't go on forever.

You won't be sending her to brownies with a bib on so chill out!

brimfull · 18/03/2006 18:35

about the dribbling my ds was a terrible dribbler for ages,he wore a little scarf hankie tied round his neck and changed 3/4 times a day.
I think he stopped at around 2

Beabea · 18/03/2006 18:47

ggirl - your lucky. We have to use plastic backed bibs and on a bad day we will change these every 15mins as they are soaked and dripping from the bottom.

At the end of the day its more a minor irritation. Surely the next one won't be like it too!!!

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Gloworm · 19/03/2006 18:58

sorry didnt get a chance to reply earlier, dont really have a lot to ad now...its all been said!!

As someone who was a very shy child I would suggest NOT pushing her to join in if she doesnt want to...i hated when my parents did this.

our dd is 2yrs ànd generally very outgoing, although there are still lots of occassions, esp new places, where she wants to sit with us for a while untill she feels comfortable. one minute she is the first one to leap up and join in with the action songs, and at other times she comes across as very shy and clingy!

our ds, age 4, is quiet and sensitive, looks and acts like a shy person, never wants to "join in" etc, yet he is now at preschool and loving it and joins in with everything and has lots of wee friends.

I would just let her find her own pace, as long as she seems happy, she is still very young!

have no advice on the dribbling, sorry!
as for all the colds...have you though about trying echinacea?

Beabea · 20/03/2006 12:03

Thanks Gloworm - all the advice has basically made me feel like I am doing the right things.

How do I give DD eechinacea?

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Gloworm · 20/03/2006 12:05

they comes in drops which you add to a spoonful of water/juice/honey.
bioforce is the most widely used brand, you get it in health shops.

manuka honey is good too, its antibacterial etc.

Gloworm · 20/03/2006 12:07

forgot to add, bioforce kids drops also contains plantago which is great for runny nose/sore throat/ear intection.

Beabea · 20/03/2006 17:12

Might just give them a try. Nursery I suspect is the culprit. Just wish she wouldnt pass them on to me!!

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