9 mo settling in to nursery

[Parsleymum]

Please can you give me any advice to help my dd settle in to nursery. I think I may have done too much too fast, should I slow it down?

She is 9mo, teething, doesn't like me leaving her even to make her lunch. Even with family it took her a while to be comfortable enough with them to let them hold her and for me to leave her with them so it's not a surprise, but I don't have time to drip feed meetings like I did with family. She will only be going to nursery one day a week and I want her to enjoy it.

She first went in at the beginning of Aug and we both stayed for an hour and she sat on my lap and played a bit. Then the nursery was closed for two weeks for their summer holiday. We went back last week for one day, I stayed for a bit and then they started lunch and I left her to it. She ate some of the lunch and went to sleep for a bit (she was woken up by another child unfortunately) and was a bit upset on waking so I picked her up. She was there a total of 2 hours but the signs were good.

We went back on Tuesday and I stayed, gave her lunch this time (maybe this was my downfall!) then they changed her (which she hates) and I left her, red faced and screaming (her not me) and they said they would try to get her to sleep. I went off for a cry and to wait for their call. She had no sleep, the slightest thing woke her and when they asked me to come and get her she was sitting on the manager's lap playing but crying at the same time. As soon as she saw me she calmed down but it broke my heart. She had been there 3 1/2 hours and been awake the whole time.

They have said I can bring her in again tomorrow and my mum can take her Friday (I'm at work that day and they thought someone else dropping her might be easier on her) but she's supposed to start properly one day a week next week. They are happy to do a longer settling in period but I just don't know how I should be approaching it.

Should I just drop her off for an hour or so and leave her to it, (they will ring me to pick her up early if she gets too upset)?

Should I stay with her and let her get to know them with me there as a 'security blanket' (or will that just prolong the problem)?

Any advice would be appreciated, I've worried since I picked her up Tuesday about taking her back tomorrow and thinking about it makes me want to cry.

I don't want to traumatise her and I can't give up, as much as I would like to, because I have to go back to work.

It is heartbreaking when they won't settle at first. Hope she was a bit better today

I would be guided by the nursery as to what's best - they will have seen this before and be sympathetic to you both.

I would recommend doing the drop off for an hour, extend to two etc and maybe continue settling in for next week as well.
Make sure to accompany drop-off with clear 'bye-bye, Mama is coming back at xx, time to play with [nursery worker's name] now' type language.
Yes, I know she's only nine months, but if you can work out a consistent phrase, then that allows you to practise at home too (i.e. use with grandma / friends etc.,), so she knows that you are coming back (because you always do), but also it's ok to stay with the person you are entrusting her too.

A big cheery bye bye and as moonlight says pick a phrase and stick to it, I don't recommend hanging around. Hand her over and stay positive in front of her and go . If she cries as you leave don't go back, so much worse when parents come back for a hug then go again, child screams louder they come back again etc its just prolonging it, pretty much all children will cry when first left its not a bad thing, she will be upset but she will get used to it. Children do thrive, make friends and learn new things in childcare. Only issue you may have is one day a week is not long enough for her to get used to being there. In that case maybe could you try a few half days instead of one full day? Or a childminder, I think little ones are better off with childminders but then I would say that! Good luck x

Thanks for your advice. So the update is: Thursday I did what moonlight suggested and said a cheery 'go and play and mummy will be back soon' and handed her over. I could hear her crying as I left but I stayed away for an hour then went back and they said she had stopped crying when there was music on. She was a bit upset but calmed when I held her. We stayed and she had lunch then went home for her sleep.

Yesterday my mum took her and she was really upset when my mum picked her up. It turned out they had tried to give her some tea and she really got upset.

She went again today, smiled at the nursery nurse while in my arms but was a bit upset when I handed her over (with the same words) and left and I went back after 2 hours. They said she had been a bit better and actively played by herself, but got upset again when they tried to feed her. She had calmed down a bit by the time I got there and started smiling as soon as I took her. But she hadn't eaten so I took her home. But she was terribly clingy and didn't even want to go to bed.

But they said she is getting better, and are happy to have her for an hour or so every day until she settles. Unfortunately they don't do half days at this nursery so have to do a full day.

I feel more positive today and am persevering and I'll keep you updated.

xx

glad youre feeling more positive. Dont worry too much about eating, Could you send her in with some of her favourite snacks maybe. its great she smiled at the nursery nurse. good luck.

OP, it took a month for my son, who was 10 months then, to settle in. I spent two weeks taking him in for 1 hour, then 2 hours, then 3 hours... But at the end, he settled in and now he gets upset if I pick him up early ! I have been told that kids need at least 4 sessions a week to get into the routine. It is very unfortunate that your nursery does not do half days. But you are getting there, 9 months is also the separation anxiety moment so don't worry too much. I must admit I have left nursery in tears many times, witholding until I was out of the room.